When you lose someone, but find yourself

If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won.

Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them.

Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision.

You've likely been in this boat at some point or another.

At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief.

It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply:

If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag.

Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what makes them who they are -- their goals, their views, their values -- just to appease others in their life.

But once such individuals exit our lives, it can feel as though we're reestablishing control over our own lives.

And the good thing is that no one says we have to wait for them to do the walking. We can assert our right to call it quits anytime we wish.

Whether a controlling partner or judgmental friend makes you feel bad about or doubt yourself, you don't have to put up with people's nonsense.

If a relationship isn't enriching your life -- if you feel the person is incapable of simply accepting you for who you are -- show them the door.

If seeing someone leave means regaining a zest for life and now having more time to spend with others who are actually deserving of it, you come out ahead!

If seeing someone leaves means recognizing that you don't need anyone's approval to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin, smile, for you've gained wisdom!

Don't fret when it doesn't work out. Smile that it taught you a valuable lesson.

Never lose yourself in any relationship. If anything, the people in your life should be the ones who value you just the way you are.

In a relationship built to last, people respect the traits that cement the other's identity, even if they may not always take kindly to them.

In short, stay true to yourself. No one has the right to strip you of the things that make you distinctive.

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