We were all taught back in grade school that we ought to treat others with the same level of respect that we expect in return. Or so I thought. Sadly, some of today's adults were either absent when the lesson was taught, or it fell entirely on deaf ears. I've run across many people -- whether in school, the workplace, or elsewhere -- who think this so-called Golden Rule doesn't apply to them. They believe they have agency to treat others like dirt -- all while expecting those very people to shower them with kindness and civility.  This plays out all the time at work with toxic bosses who go on unrestrained power trips. They think that just because they possess the ability to fire their subordinates, they should be groveled to. In their minds, expletives are fair game and borderline abusive behavior is permissible.  A similar dynamic can be observed in some relationships. Whether it's because they're better looking, far wealthier, or more socially connected, some ind...

Ever heard the saying "It's not about the journey, but the destination"? If don't allow ourselves the freedom to enjoy the ride -- even if we don't reach said destination when we want (if ever), happiness will always lie out of reach.  That being said, we should never attach our happiness to outcomes.  In other words, don't set your expectations sky high so as to set yourself up for disappointment in the event things don't work out as planned.  We all want to have lifelong relationships, to have a lot of money, to have the perfect job. While some people may be lucky enough to have one or more of the above, chances are you may hit snags along the way that prompt several detours. Our lives will never be perfect. What we imagine in our minds doesn't always materialize, and that's okay.  Though miserable at first, we may realize later that where we ended up was the vastly superior path.  For example, your 15-year relationship may end abruptly. After pr...

If there's something we can all agree on, it's that life can be wonderful. But it can also be unfair and unpredictable. We are always subject to unforeseen events and situations both in our personal and professional lives.  The company we envisioned working for until retirement suddenly shuts its doors.  Our spouse of 20 years files for divorce, claiming he or she no longer feels that "spark." This is precisely why I encourage people to remain nimble, to always expect the unexpected.  Though it's impossible to detach ourselves emotionally from the things and people we value, we need to approach them logically as well and accept that they may cease to be in our lives someday.  So how do we ensure we're not completely blindsided by unforeseen occurrences? For one, the mere act of visualizing yourself without that person or partner can help soften the blow.  And as the title of this post suggests, you needn't put all your eggs in one basket.  If you're si...

The two most consequential decisions you'll ever make in your life concern your choice of career and your choice of partner. Many of us happen to make these decisions in earnest -- at least for the first time -- when we're fairly young and lacking in life experience.  Perhaps we're just out of high school and we decide on law or pre-med as a major while embarking on a new relationship with someone who ostensibly has "long-term potential" written all over them. As we well know, though, life gives us many different twists and turns, sometimes veering us in directions we never could have imagined.  Events such as these can affect our life trajectory: Going away for college A death in the family  A break-up Switching jobs or careers  Layoffs Starting a business Moving to a new city  Getting married Having kids Illness  But there's no doubt that the decisions we make in our professional and love lives figure prominently in our life satisfaction, or lack thereof....

Do you sense that you and a close friend have been drifting apart? Maybe you only connect via text or FaceTime on birthdays and other special occasions whereas before your spouses had to beg each of you to get off the phone every day. Or, perhaps you met up for lunch once a week and now you're lucky if you can convene once a year. Take heart: It happens in many a friendship. What truly puts friendships to the test is when both people find themselves in different stages of life. Or, they can be in the same stage of life and just be too preoccupied to attend to one another like they did in the heyday of the friendship. This can include one or both individuals: Getting a new (and more demanding) job.  Moving to a different city.  Making new friends.  Hooking up with/marrying someone. Having children. Taking up new hobbies and interests. As people get older, their priorities do change, which leaves less time for friendships. But in the strongest f...

As most of us have been spending a great deal of time at home lately amid the threat of the coronavirus, it has afforded us the opportunity to stop and reflect -- something we seldom find the time to do in the hustle and bustle of our regular lives. Perhaps you're now considering finally making a career change you've been mulling for years. Maybe all the sobering talk of recession has you dreaming up ways to save or invest money. Or, spending more time with your partner has brought you closer together -- or driven you further apart -- raising questions about your future on the love front. Nonetheless, here are four lessons to be learned from these unprecedented times: 1. It's the little things that matter. We get so caught up in trivial matters -- when the next iPhone is coming out, who the neighbor is cheating on his wife with -- that we lose focus of the things in life that truly count. Spending an extra hour each day playing with your daughter. Finally gettin...

Allow me to impart to you this important nugget of wisdom on the pursuit of happiness: Seeking perfection -- whether in your job or your relationships -- will yield no fruit. And the reason why is because there's no such thing as the perfect job or relationship. Sure, one should never remain trapped in a situation that has them feeling drained and utterly miserable. Life is too short for that. But people who hop from one job or relationship to the other until they found one that meets all their criteria are sure to come up empty. When it comes to jobs and relationships -- and, more broadly, life itself -- there is just too much that lies outside our control. In the case of jobs, it's everything from toxic co-workers to economic uncertainty. The company may go belly-up tomorrow, leaving you in the lurch financially. Your boss, normally a cool, easy-going guy, may become a raging psychopath as he grapples with a bitter divorce. And as far as relationships, it...

Chances are you've already heard or read about the untimely passing of NBA icon Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and 7 other passengers in a horrific helicopter crash that took place Sunday. Kobe had it all: Money, fame, family, health. And, yet, his life was taken from him just like that. Perhaps someone special in your own life has died unexpectedly, leaving you heartbroken and questioning why such events befall us. It really puts things in perspective and demonstrates just how precious life really is. Rather than holding grudges and stressing over insignificant things, we should strive to make the most of the short time we're on this planet. And we can do that by: Counting our blessings and making the most of what we have instead of always perceiving something as missing. Cherishing time spent with friends and family.  Indulging hobbies that make us come alive, whether that be reading, sunbathing, or volunteering at the local shelter.  Aiming to ach...

When you read the title, perhaps you thought I was going to touch upon depending on other people to feel complete -- as I have in prior posts. While many people do fall into that unfortunate habit, this post focuses on the tendency to rely on a job to attain happiness. There's no question that being gainfully employed beats unemployment. Even if our jobs may be far from perfect -- and let's face it, no job is -- they still provide structure in our lives, they make us feel useful, and they allow us to feel the sense of pride that comes with earning a living to provide for our families. However, society and the media are to blame for peddling the notion that, much like a soulmate, a job should complete us. Should we try to get into a line of work we enjoy? Absolutely! You'll quickly come to hate life if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you absolutely despise. But here's the thing: There are way too many factors outside of one's control in the...

Many of us would say that we loathe uncertainty. If it were up to us, every day would play out like a familiar script. But there comes a time where we have no choice but to venture into unchartered waters -- whether it concerns landing a new job; grappling with a new health condition; or making a large purchase, such as a new home. Stress is inevitable. You're likely to second guess your decisions. And, worst of all, you're bound to start down the slippery slope of imagining the absolute worst. If these feelings aren't reined in, they can lead to adverse outcomes like anxiety and depression. While some might advise you to simply think positively, I think a far more effective approach is to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  Think about it: What are the chances of the worst coming to pass? Very slim, of course. Usually we end up dreaming up scenarios in our head that come nowhere near reality. Still, there is always a slight possibility that the job ...

Just because someone in your life doesn't care for you -- or disingenuously says they do, but never shows it -- doesn't mean you should forget about the special people in your life who demonstrably hold you in high esteem. As a matter of fact, it should make you more grateful for the latter than you were before. We've all found ourselves in situations where people we care deeply about don't seem to reciprocate such feelings. Perhaps it's a partner who wants out of the relationship, or a friend who has been taking you for granted. We become so obsessed with trying to rationalize their motives that we may neglect the wonderful people in our lives who have been there for us when we've needed them. In other words, we want what we can't have, and risk losing what we already have. Let's face it. People who genuinely care for us would never put us through such hoops. If someone treats you as disposable -- telegraphing that they have much big...

As we get older, we realize that things don't always turn out the way we planned, or the way we think they should. For example, there may come a point where you concede that your bad back precludes you from becoming the rich professional basketball player you aspire to be. Or, it becomes clear that you won't be going on a date with the new office secretary you've been ogling for months after realizing she has a boyfriend. Additionally, we come to terms with the sobering reality that troublesome relationships cannot always be fixed. As much as we may try, they may never go back to being the way they were in the beginning. Our relationships with certain people may become frayed or fall apart completely. Sometimes it's one person's fault, or it may very well be that both people are to blame. Nonetheless, it can be difficult to see a relationship we envisioned lasting a lifetime go down the tubes. But we must all accept that people and circumstances change...

Never depend on anyone or anything to feel fulfilled in life. That includes: Your partner Your kids Your friends Your job/employer Your hobbies The operative word here is "depend." We depend on food, water, and oxygen for survival.  When it comes the examples listed above, they can certainly enhance our lives, but life satisfaction shouldn't depend on any one of them.  As we all know, things and people can change at the drop of a hat: Your partner could cheat on or fall out of love with you Your kids may distance themselves from you (or even grow to dislike you) as they get older Shifting priorities may water down your relationships You can be laid off at any given moment, or you may come to hate your job over time You can throw your back, rendering you unable to play football or other games you may enjoy  The car, watch, or mug you love so much could break unexpectedly I'm not saying these things will most definitely happen, but t...

Whether we're at work or at the mall, people often judge us based on two criteria -- very superficial ones, I might add -- in our daily lives: (1) what we own and (2) what we've accomplished. Ever heard the expression, "You are what you eat?" A more accurate version would be, "You are what you wear, what you drive, what you have in your wallet, and what you do for a living." It's a testament to how shallow society has become. Granted, your job is important in that it's part of who you are. But I find it rather unsettling that people would measure others' worth based on what brands they sport and what their title is. For example, a friend of mine is incredulous at the fact that I have no aspirations to become a vice president or CEO. I've told him repeatedly that managing others and spending most of my time in meetings doesn't appeal to me. I'd much rather remain low enough in the food chain where I'm making a decent ...

Never be a prisoner of your past, for it was a lesson -- not a life sentence. There's nothing you can do to change what's already come to pass; all you can do is learn from it so that you don't make the same mistakes. There's no sense beating yourself up over past decisions that, in hindsight, you wish you hadn't made, whether that includes hooking up with your ex, taking a particular job, or making a poor investment. You should never lament anything that (1) once made you smile, even if it was at the very beginning (2) you ultimately learned from, making you a better person today. Our missteps, as a matter of fact, are our best teachers. It's through our mistakes that we gain the most wisdom. If we never made any, how could we ever better ourselves? Of course, that doesn't mean we should deliberately make foolish decisions for the sake of learning a lesson. But there's no question that all of us can cite at least a few choices we have made t...

Rather than set expectations , we should aim to establish clear-cut  goals . Though these may sound similar, they vary in terms of how a person generally approaches not meeting a goal vs. not having their expectations met. When you set goals, you're doing so knowing full well that you may not achieve them. And even if you don't, you recognize that you can try again by retooling your strategy, or changing said goals altogether. When you set expectations of yourself or other people, you're already anticipating a certain outcome. If that outcome doesn't live up to what you had in mind, you're bound to feel upset and defeated. While being confident and "expecting" to achieve a goal isn't necessarily a bad thing, we need to remain humble and open to the possibility that things may not go exactly as planned, often through no fault of our own. For example, you might get psyched about landing what seems like the perfect job, but fall a little short...

We all possess a pretty amazing power. No, it's not the power to fly, shoot fireballs, or become invisible, even though those would definitely come in handy at times! We're instead endowed with the power to let go -- of people and things which bring us harm or fail to enrich our lives in meaningful ways. Many of us assume that we need to hold on to/perpetuate toxic relationships because we've known the people for a long time or we fear that others will not accept us as they did. Once a person becomes a mental or emotional burden in your life, that's when you know you're better of letting go. And waiting around for them to change is usually an exercise in futility. People hardly ever do. Additionally, once a job starts to suck you dry -- adversely affecting your physical and mental health -- that's a clear sign it's time to start looking for something else. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being for. Few people realize how powerful the abili...

Don't allow anyone -- from your closest friend to your worst enemy -- to step all over you. No matter the circumstance, you are as deserving of the other person's respect as they are of yours. If you're in a relationship with someone who thinks they can run roughshod over you because you've spoiled them rotten, it's time to establish new ground rules or get out of the relationship. Otherwise, you'll continue to be taken for granted. Similarly, if your friend seems to remember you exist only when they need something, make it clear to them that there is no such thing as a friendship built on selfishness. As with relationships, both people should reciprocate time and effort. If your toxic boss is convinced you'll put up with anything just to keep your job, prove him or her wrong by arranging a closed-door conversation. Impress upon them that they have absolutely no right to treat you like garbage, and hint that you'll take your skills and experie...

We all know or have met at least one person who never seems too worked up over anything. They appear calm and relaxed every time you see and talk to them. They keep themselves from getting wrapped up in drama or conflict, whether in the office or at home. Some people might say the person is probably content with their life, so there's absolutely no need for them to make waves and fix what isn't broken. Others may have a different opinion; they might surmise that the person is likely sad and that his or her life could use an infusion of fun and excitement. So who's right? One thing to keep in mind is that we don't know exactly what this individual is going through in his or her life, and it's possible we may not have a good grasp on their personality. What we can say is that if the person cares little to nothing about the following things, chances are he or she is in fact leading a happy life: What others think of them Having the "perfect life...

Studies show that our criteria for measuring success is markedly different now than it was several years ago. In the past, we typically perceived someone as successful if they boasted possessions that signaled wealth (e.g., car, big house, fancy watch) and appeared to have loads of free time on their hands. We assumed it meant that their net worth was such that they had no real need to work hard. In our minds, they likely spent more time sunbathing in the Caribbean than churning out reports in the office. However, the benchmarks we use to measure success have evolved over time -- not so much when it comes to material possessions, but in terms of overall lifestyle and work ethic. Studies suggest that we are now more likely to perceive someone as being successful if they have little to no time available for leisurely pursuits due to the many responsibilities they shoulder. For example, let's say Joe works 60 hours a week, has kids, and volunteers at a local non-profit. He h...