"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

At some point, all of us have had a brush with someone intent on making our lives miserable. Perhaps it was a toxic boss, a jaded ex, a shady friend, or even someone within your own family who proved untrustworthy. But guess what? You're still alive. You survived. You emerged with a keener awareness not only of others' motives, but of the immense strength that lies within you. In an ideal world, we would get along with anyone and everyone. People would appreciate us for who we are, whether we own a BMW or a Versa, a small loft or a capacious mansion. They would prize us just the same whether we are meek or outspoken, bookish or adventurous. Alas, behind some nook or cranny is some bitter soul who wishes for their misery to rub off on someone in his or her orbit. No matter how hard we may try to please everyone -- how nice and accommodating we are to others -- someone will always take issue with us. And oftentimes we haven't done a single thing wrong to a...

It doesn't matter if you've been with your significant other for 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 years. Without trust, a relationship can't survive. Like loyalty, respect, communication, and honesty, it is one of the essential ingredients of a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Is it any wonder that infidelity wrecks a relationship like nothing else? Imagine how difficult it is to confide in someone who took your trust and sliced and diced it by cheating on you. There aren't many other things a partner can do that are nearly as deplorable. The same can be said for a friend who steals from you or a sibling who talks behind your back. They can make repeated assurances that they'll never do it again, but our gut tells us to guard ourselves against the prospect of being subject to similar behavior in the future (whether from that person or anyone else). I'm not saying you should never give someone another chance -- only to be careful not to allow them to run ro...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

Nothing gives anyone -- not boyfriend, old buddy, neighbor, your sister -- the right to exploit you for personal gain. If you detect that someone is deliberately attempting to take advantage of you, do not remain tight-lipped -- stand up for yourself! Approach the individual in a tactful manner and ask when he or she would be available to have a conversation in private. Hopefully, doing so will defuse the situation. If you find that the relationship is beyond repair, make it clear that you won't allow him or her to disrespect you. A good person doesn't try step over his or her loved ones just to get ahead. That bespeaks utter selfishness and a lack of a moral compass. Anyone who does this deserves no place in your life unless they can offer a convincing apology, vowing to never betray you again. After all, it's hard to restore trust after one feels they've been stabbed in the back. Again, if you sense that someone might be trying to take advantage of you, ...

It isn't low pay or long hours, though they most definitely can be contributing factors in one's decision to bolt. At least those issues stand a chance of being resolved with some form of compromise, whether a raise or change of schedule. But being unable to get along with the boss -- no matter how hard we've tried -- is very difficult to stomach for 40 or more hours each week and the primary reason so many of us leave our jobs. In fact, many people admit that they leave specifically to get away from that individual; everything else about the job itself could be nearly perfect -- the salary, benefits, coworkers -- but they don't care. The boss has simply become too much to bear. What makes us reach that breaking point? It could be that the boss: Disrespects/belittles you Persistently takes you for granted Takes all the credit for your work Prevents you from growing within the department or company Shows favoritism toward others Is a slave driver Is a m...

When leaders punish subordinates, they often do this out of distrust. Afraid of losing their position, they use punishment as a deterrent. However, new research shows such punishments are not very effective. Distrust is the primary reason why leaders impose punishments on individuals over whom they have power. Leaders expect others not to follow the rules, and punish them on the basis of this distrust. Ironically, not only are these punishments hardly effective, but they have the potential to exacerbate the situation. When people feel distrusted, they are less inclined to obey the rules. They deem this assumption on the part of the leaders as a clear sign of disrespect. Thus, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Furthermore, leaders are afraid of losing their power, and act out of the desire to protect that power. That's why they wield punishment as a deterrent -- to ensure that rules are never broken again. They feel that if they're too trusting of others, thi...

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power. I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life. Here's what I've concluded: While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will. If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner. Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partne...