Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated.  In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel.  If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor.  In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better.  If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps.  But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying.  If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...

If you find yourself falling for someone who won't commit, you might want to put on the brakes before getting in too deep. That is, of course, if you're seeking a serious, long-term relationship. Why might a person refuse to commit? It could be a myriad of reasons. They may have gotten burned by an ex and have resolved to put up protective walls. They may want to retain their independence, whether because of a demanding job or their wanting to hang out with friends. Maybe they have children they wish to prioritize following the passing of their spouse.  Whatever the case, they have every right not to get locked into a commitment they don't want, and you should appreciate it when they're thoughtful enough to come forward from the outset. The problem comes when people vacillate between wanting and not wanting a serious commitment. Maybe they say they don't, but their actions -- from calling you non-stop to kissing and sending you gifts -- convey just the opposite.  Th...

When someone tells you they're not ready or interested in a relationship right now, what should you do? Should you take them at their word? Should you still make an effort to change their mind? The answer should be obvious: Do not commit to someone who isn't inclined to commit to you. You don't want to invest time, energy, and feelings in someone who just wants a no-strings-attached kind of deal. If that's what you desire as well, fine. But if you're past the casual flings and yearn for something more substantive, you shouldn't bother with these folks.  You should consider yourself fortunate if the person tells you upfront that they're not interested in something serious. That affords you the opportunity to move on and look for someone whose plans align with yours. In some cases, people will feign interest in a long-term commitment just to get into the other person's bed or wallet. Everything seems kosher until subjects like meeting one another's par...

When you think about the person you wish to spend the rest of your life (assuming you have yet to find him or her), which qualities come to mind? Chances are, you want this individual to be kind, loving, smart, funny, loyal, honest, communicative, responsible, hard-working, and the like. But these desirable attributes don't mean didly squat if the partner in question expresses no interest in being with you long-term -- assuming that, too, is what you yearn for with them.  Maybe you've been with someone for four years who hasn't so much as broached the topic of marriage. Or, perhaps you ask them what they picture their life being like in a few years and they fire off a slew of items on their To Do List -- traveling, meeting new people, launching a business -- that seem to have little or nothing to do with you. Being with someone who fears commitment -- the kind I've termed commitmentphobes -- can be emotionally draining. You just never quite know whether th...

Many people ask me whether a relationship or marriage can withstand the devastating blow dealt by a partner's infidelity. My answer? It depends. Some may, and some most certainly won't. You see, once a person cheats, their partner can never look at them in the same light ever again no matter how hard they may try.  Even if the victim finds it in their heart to give their significant other another chance, such an abominable breach of trust gives way to future suspicion of the cheater's motives. Are they really heading out to the gym at 9 p.m., and, if so, whom do they interact with there? Are they truly texting a friend as they say they are? If so, why must they do it during dinner and at late hours of the night? The cheater may thus come to resent having all his moves put under a microscope given his pledge to make amends for his wrongdoings. The victim might retort that their behavior is justified. After all, they forgave the cheater for straying in the re...

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...

Just as people are not infallible, relationships can never be perfect. Still, people should strive to be the best versions of themselves that they could possibly be. When you enter into a relationship with someone, you concede that it's not just about you anymore. Selfishness and egoism must be checked at the door. There will be times where the two of you bitterly disagree about certain things. You'll endure hardships along the way that will surely test your mettle as a couple. No matter how much time and effort you invest in the relationship, there will always be imperfections. No matter how much you wish your partner were neater, she may always be messy.  Perhaps you'd prefer if your boyfriend were more romantic, athletic, or bookish, but you've come to realize it'll never happen. There are aspects of our partner's personality we probably wish we could change -- even if we never say so aloud. But part of being with someone is accepting them...

No matter what we aspire to accomplish in life, we must never allow our fear of failure to override our goals -- however lofty they may seem. Let us not let our comfort zones confine us. Let us not allow self-doubt to undermine our will to succeed! We can do anything we set our hearts and minds to. Sure, we may not succeed the first, second, or even the fifth time. And success may entail making major sacrifices that take a heavy physical and emotional toll on us. But if we want it badly enough, we shall prevail. No matter how many times life tries to throw a monkey wrench in the works, we find a way around such hurdles. We see setbacks not as a sign that it may be time to call it quits, but as an opportunity to reaffirm our commitment to the cause. And we mustn't allow the naysayers in our midst -- even when the detractor is ourselves -- dissuade us from forging ahead. Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, remind yourself of how far you've come...

Though falling in love and staying in love might seem the same, they're certainly not. So what's the key difference? We fall in love by chance, but we stay in love by choice. Of course, whether we stay in love depends just as much on us as it does our partner. If one or both partners cease doing these things, it's possible one or both can fall out of love: Surprising the other with love notes, leaving little gifts, going on romantic walks at the beach, and doing other things that drew you closer together in the beginning of the relationship Allocating time and energy for each other as opposed to always putting work or friends first Infusing the relationship with variety so that things don't become routine (e.g., trying out new restaurants, visiting new destinations, etc.) Being there for one another in good times and bad, whether it's to be present for a birthday or console the other following the death of a loved one Striving to better them...

If you feel you have to push someone to care about or show interest in you, you're probably wasting your time. When people genuinely care, they don't need any prodding -- they do things because it comes straight from the heart. People make time for and invest energy in the things and people that matter to them. For example, if you sense you have to cajole your boyfriend into committing to you -- even after being together for several years -- what does that say about his interest in taking things with you to the next level? It communicates that he just isn't that serious about your future together. Or suppose that your friend of 10 years seems to serve up a different excuse every time you propose meeting up for coffee. When getting her to say yes is like pulling teeth, that's when it's clear who's really invested and who isn't. We can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out why a person would act this way, but it would only be an exercise in fu...

There are two kinds of people who give excuses when it comes to establishing or maintaining contact with you: (1) Those who give excuses for why they can't call, text, or visit you, and (2) Those who come up with excuses to call, text, or visit you. Notice the difference? While the former can sometimes serve up valid reasons (e.g., have to take care of kid, have to do work at home, etc.), if the weeks continue to go by and the person doesn't bother to answer your texts or return your calls, face it -- they just don't care enough about the relationship. The latter group shows the exact opposite. Come hell or high water, they find a way to squeeze some time into their schedule for the two of you to catch up because they value you and do not want the relationship to falter. A little distance is commonplace even in the healthiest relationships. We all lead different lives with disparate schedules and changing priorities. But that doesn't mean a brief phone call ...

When it comes to romance, we all have different taste. And that's definitely a good thing, because otherwise we'd be chasing after the same people! Some of us are attracted to tall people. Some of us like quiet and bookish. Still others are drawn to gregarious athletic types. There is, however, a certain type of individual you should never fall in love with, and that is the kind who doesn't seem to know what they want in a partner. You never know where you stand with these people. No sooner do they give you the impression that they're interested in finally settling down with you than they back away. They're afraid of commitment -- plain and simple. They appear to always keep an eye out for "something better" that may come along. Just when you think you're becoming a priority in their life, you realize you're still an option. Unfortunately, some of us can't help but fall for people who turn out to be this way. In the beginning, they ...

Most people have valid reasons for entering into a relationship, from desiring a long-term commitment to wishing to take a friendship with someone special in their lives to the next level. Then there are those who serve up terrible reasons for taking this major step in their lives. Without a doubt, two of the most dubious would have to be these: 1. They want someone to "complete" them. Can you think of a greater burden to place on a significant than making them responsible for your happiness? A partner is a welcome enhancement in anyone's life, but never should he or she be viewed as a be-all and end-all. Other things and people bring us joy, from our friends and pets to our very hobbies. While we often turn to our partner for love, comfort, and security, there are situations (e.g., argument with a parent or an issue with the boss) in which someone else -- say, a sibling or coworker -- may actually be a bigger help than our partner. Happiness comes fro...

Now, you might be asking what on earth I mean by "hopper." Fair question. To put it into proper context, I'm talking about someone who jumps from one thing to another without hesistation, i.e., a job hopper or relationship hopper. Unfortunately, the people I know who are prone to this sort of thing find themselves rather discontented. Their problem is that they fall victim to grass is greener syndrome. They struggle with commitment, convincing themselves that: If or when their relationship becomes less exciting/more routine, the easiest way to recapture the excitement of a new relationship is to jump into a new one.  If or when their job becomes too easy/routine, there's bound to be a better, more challenging one out there, leading them to jump ship at the first opportunity that presents itself. In other words, they view jobs and relationships much like trying out a new sweater. If they're unhappy following a "trial" period, they return...

In life, human beings are prone to break things -- everything from vases and clothing to lips and legs. But this post specifically addresses three non-tangible things that should never be broken. Can you guess what they are? The three things that should never be broken in life are trust, promises, and hearts. We're all human and can acknowledge breaking one or more of these on at least a couple of occasions -- just as we can cite specific cases where others have done it at our expense. All three of these revolve around commitment. When you place your trust  in someone, you are counting on them to come through in some way. It can be anything from babysitting your child to expecting that they'll pay their half of the rent every month. Sometimes, though, certain situations merit a declaration of assurance -- whether written or verbal -- that the person will do something. A promise is essentially a pledge or vow that we tend to associate with wedding vows ("I ...

If there's something about me that has never once changed over the years, it's this: I despise being thwarted for something I want from someone, and then seeing the person come around when they feel like -- acting as if nothing happened. It's a classic case of having their cake and eating it too. I've gone through this on several occasions with different friends. They may disappear for weeks, never bothering to answer or return my calls. Then, out of the blue, they decide to awaken from their slumber and reestablish contact, and I'm supposed to act like all is swell. I don't think so! And their excuses have bordered on the ludicrous, saying that they've been stressed or that they keep forgetting to respond. It's ironic how once I see them showing interest again (e.g., calling and texting), it is then I go into "payback" mode and call them at my convenience, not necessarily when they attempt to reach out to me. And here's an exam...

If you're one of those people who strives to impress other people at every turn, I'm here to tell you one thing: you should be trying to impress y ourself  instead. Some of you may ask, "What does impressing yourself even mean?" In a nutshell, it means growing as a person. Impressing yourself signifies achieving big goals -- succeeding at things even you never thought possible. For example, maybe you're convinced you can't lose 30 pounds in two months or read two voluminous books in a single month, but through hard work and commitment, you prove yourself wrong. There's no better feeling in the world, especially when other people said you couldn't do it. While "I told you so" moments can be empowering, here's the problem with trying to impress other people:cic You'll always fall short of someone's expectations. What's more, people always have something to criticize. You could have lost more weight. You spend way t...

Many people vow never to forgive those who have cheated on them, and they're within their rights to do so. Here's my take: If a cheater shows immense contrition -- he or she issues a genuine, heartfelt apology -- then maybe they deserve to be forgiven. However, this in no way means that you ever have to trust or want to reconcile with them ever again. After such a flagrant breach of trust, how can you ever expect the person not to repeat the offense? Surprisingly, many people with hearts of gold give cheaters a second chance. I simply wouldn't be able to do that if I were cheated on. If I cheated on someone -- though I neither have nor ever would -- I wouldn't expect my partner to take me back, as I know the irreparable damage it can cause a relationship and on the wronged partner's psyche. The cheating partner has no right to push the other person to get back with him or her. Once he or she says "no," the person should respectfully back of...