We live in a shallow world where one's physical appearance and material possessions can be the deciding factor in whether you get the job or the girl. In my estimation, intelligence -- and that includes deep intellectual curiosity -- isn't assigned enough weight by most people.  The stereotype against "nerds" and "geeks" is one we are well familiar with. We might have been labeled as such in our youth if we always got good grades, or had a bespectacled overachieving friend whose work everyone looked to copy. What I don't understand is this: Why can't being smart for its own sake be an it-thing?  While money can be lost and material stuff can rust, no one can take your intellectual prowess away from you. (Notice I said "no one" and not "nothing." I know there are terrible accidents and health conditions, like Alzheimers, that can rob you of your mental faculties. Some may argue, however, that you can deal self-inflicted wounds by t...

If I asked what you thought to be an attractive attribute in a person -- one that doesn't get as much recognition as it merits -- what would you say? While everyone's taste varies, I'd say that intelligence -- a trait that, in my estimation, makes someone much more attractive and likeable -- tends to gets the shaft.  Check out online dating profiles and you'll see that people state they are looking for someone who embodies these characteristics: Sweet Fun Funny  Adventurous  Romantic  Kind Affectionate Faithful Honest Communicative While these are all great qualities to possess in their own right, why is intelligence not a more highly desired trait? The truth of the matter is that there are probably a lot more people who long for brains than they let on -- just as there are probably more chubby chasers in the world than we think. However, society has brainwashed many people into equating intelligence with nerdiness. And when they t...

Have you ever stopped and considered how illogical attraction can be? Let me give you an example by taking you down memory lane. Remember back when you were in elementary, middle, or high school and there always seemed to be one particular guy or girl whom everyone seemed to like? Don't get me wrong: It makes sense why they would have many admirers. They tended to be good looking and popular (probably on the cheerleading squad or football team) and had tons of friends. Chances are they became prom king/queen. Maybe even you jumped on the bandwagon and counted yourself among the lovestruck. What I've always wondered is: Did all of those kids really like the student in question, or did they just express interest them because everyone else did? I can honestly say that I "fell" for the girl all the guys liked, and it was in middle school. Once the dust had settled, I realized that I didn't have feelings for the girl after all. I had just fallen for a...

We've all heard the axiom, "True beauty comes from within." And I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I've used it in several of my posts. But, in my view, those who say looks don't matter at all are flat-out kidding themselves. Yes, looks should never be the thrust of any relationship. The glue that holds two people together is a deep, emotional connection. But the fact of the matter is that, for better or worse, the first thing our eyes go to is one's physical appearance. Allow me to pose a few pointed questions: Would you want to date someone who weighs 700 pounds? Would you hire the job candidate who shows up to the job interview unshaven and in bedraggled clothing? Would you set your daughter up with a kid sporting a shirt that says, "I'm your next one night stand"? If you answered "no" to any of the above, you care about looks and first impressions to a certain degree. The truth is that we all do, even if some of u...

Allow me to commence this post by posing a question: Do you judge attractive people to be nicer or smarter than less attractive people? (Now, I know people have different taste, but let's assume, for the purpose of this hypothetical situation at least, that we generally find the same people to be attractive the world over.) Most of you might say, "Of course not. Physical beauty has little to do with traits like kindness and intelligence. Studies show, however, that thanks to human perception, they're more entwined than we think.  People have a tendency to judge beautiful people as sharing a variety of psychological characteristics based solely on their looks. Beautiful people are perceived not only as nicer, but more successful.  One study in 2014 found that viewers judged an attractive person who smiled as happier than a smiling person with an unattractive face.  It's mind-boggling to think that people would assign so man...

There are those in our lives whom we consider genuinely good people. They're positive, helpful, accommodating. They've been there for us when we've needed them. We deem them a definite enhancement to our lives. It's for this reason we may be astonished to find that they're single, and chances are they've been a bachelor or bachelorette for quite a while. "But they'd make the perfect catch," we tell ourselves or others with bewilderment. We later discover it isn't that they can't land a date, for their good looks and charisma have been known to draw a healthy number of prospects. It's that they're super picky. We might try to fix them up with someone we know, but they always seem to find fault with something, and it is usually in the domain of attractiveness. For example, some women refuse to date men who are not taller than them. Then there are men who will not give the time of day to a woman who goes beyond a certain ...

Shallow individuals are those who place a great importance on things of a superficial nature rather than on meaningful ones that should carry the most weight. We all know at least one person (I know a few, as a matter of fact) who makes looks a top priority when assessing potential suitors. While looks certainly matter, a "face like Brad Pitt's" or a "body like Jennifer Lopez's" should not top anyone's list of must-haves. At the end of the day, physical chemistry may get the ball rolling, but it's the mental and emotional connection you establish with someone (and, hopefully, a spiritual one) that sustain a loving relationship. Sooner or later, we go gray, get old, and gain weight. We can't expect to look like we did in our 20s and 30s forever, nor expect as much of our partner. Beauty is only skin deep. Qualities like intelligence, kindness, loyalty, integrity, and a great sense of humor are reliable gauges of one's true characte...

The right man or woman will love you for your heart and mind, and not just for your body or wallet. Above all else, he or she will value your top character traits, whether that be kindness, faithfulness, loyalty, intelligence, integrity, or a great sense of humor. A good man gives precedence to a woman's feelings, goals, and passions over the size of her breasts and how good she is in the sack. A good woman focuses on ways his qualities complement hers rather than how much money she can wring from him. (And let's not make the dangerous mistake of pigeonholing men and women into traditional gender roles. Some women can be just as superficial as men when it comes to looks, and some men are on a mission to find only sugar mamas.) But we'd be remiss if we didn't concede that physical appearance and financial resources do count to a certain degree. Would most of us want to go on a date with someone who's 300 pounds overweight, broke, and deeply in debt? Pro...

Which qualities do you really yearn for in a partner? Is it intelligence? A sense of humor? Someone who's gainfully employed? Whatever you seek in a significant other, don't settle for less. In my case, I had a strong preference for someone with or working toward a bachelor's degree. Since I was always a dedicated student, I wanted someone who similarly demonstrated a certain level of commitment to her studies. Thankfully, my wife, like me, was working toward her bachelor's degree when we hooked up. Moreover, I wanted someone with whom I could have intellectual conversations with. Someone who wouldn't be bored at the thought of going to a museum together. While my wife isn't as well-read as I am, she's a teacher, which in itself shows an intellectual bent. And let me tell you -- when we play along to the game show Jeopardy! at home, she gives me serious competition. While no one will come with every single attribute you'd want in a partner, no ...

The biggest complaint men seem to have about women is that, when it comes to relationships, " they don't know what the heck they want .'' Many of these hapless guys say they do everything to gain women's favor -- buy them flowers and candy, send them romantic texts, call them every so often to see how they're doing -- but it still lands them in the friend zone. Still others say they can't understand why women go for the jerks they claim to loathe. It is true that what many women say they want -- and what they actually go for -- aren't always in alignment. Here's what I've observed: Most women don't go looking for jerks who will mistreat them. No one wishes to be treated like dirt -- unless, of course, they harbor low self-esteem and feel they deserve that. But that is the exception rather than the rule. No, what most women want is confidence . Though they may not say it directly, women really do want the man to be in charge, whet...

Would you care as much about what people think of you if I told you that people, in the grand scheme of things, don't think of you as much as you think they do? That goes for all of us. In general, human beings are very self-conscious. We assume people are looking at or talking about us when they're really not. We presume they're thinking about what we're eating or wearing when that may not be the case. Let's face it: people have more than enough to occupy their mind. From our jobs to kids to bills, we have more important fish to fry than other's dressing and eating habits. Mind you, there are people -- we see them in the workplace all the time -- who do expatiate on such topics, but it's the exception rather than the rule. There's nothing wrong with caring about how you come across to others, but some people take it to an extreme. They spend beyond their means to buy the most expensive clothes, jewelry, and cars in hopes of impressing othe...

Don't complain of being single if you're super picky, which is the boat one of my friends perpetually finds himself in. He's gregarious, polite, and an all around good guy. However, when it comes to women, he seeks near-perfection: a slim, highly attractive woman -- we're talking Victoria's Secret-esque -- who doesn't smoke, drink, or party. Oh, yeah, and she should attend church regularly. Saying my friend has high standards is an understatement. He refuses to even consider women who are a couple of pounds overweight. While some may say his refusal to budge on his criteria is admirable in that he sticks to his guns, others might lambaste him for his ostensible shallowness. What provides ammunition to the latter group's argument, however, is the fact he often complains of being single. Well, little does he realize that his problem is of his own making. If you're going to disqualify the vast majority of the dating pool on account of what you f...

That is, if your goal is to become (1) rich in knowledge (2) rich in laughter (3) rich in health (4) rich in family (5) rich in love, and   (6) rich in experiences. Does money buy comfort? Yes. Does it buy security? Yes. Does it buy long-lasting happiness? It could, but that's not always a given. If it were, you wouldn't have wealthy celebrities battling drug and depression problems. Life is about more than money. Material possessions can only bring us so much happiness. Nine times out of ten, I get more enjoyment out of learning new things through a great book, compelling documentary, or visit to the museum than I do buying shirts, household appliances, and other stuff I might not even need. There are so many great things money can't buy. You can't put a price tag on the love shared between friends and family. You can't monetize laughter, especially not the kind that makes tears come out of your eyes. And you certainly can't appraise simple, every...

There are certain qualities we value in people, so much so that they inspire us to be more like these individuals. Here are the attributes that I most revere in people I truly respect and admire: Intelligence : People who can not only debate me on a substantive topic, but teach me something new along the way. They're intellectually curious, articulate, and well-read.  Hard work : I respect someone who's willing to give it their all in order to achieve a goal. Perseverance:  They get knocked down, but they get up again. They don't allow challenges or problems, however big or small, to derail their dreams. Passion:  They eat, drink, and sleep music, writing, business, cooking, or whatever it is they love. They're constantly trying to learn more, whether by reading books, watching YouTube videos, or asking others.  Unyielding : No matter how many times their friends or relatives might advise them to invest their energies in something that will be...

Let's face it: Having good looks means nothing if you're a bad person. Beauty is only skin deep. Those who are smug and think they can treat others with disrespect only because they're physically attractive are demonstrating one thing: they're ugly on the inside, and that makes them ugly as a whole. I don't care whether you have a gorgeous face or an amazing body. A rotten personality undermines one's best physical attributes. I'd take a "4" with a big heart over a "10" who's as deep as a puddle any day of the week. I can't stand people who are conceited -- the ones who walk around thinking they're owed something on account of their good looks. They act as if they're God's gift to the world and often belittle those who aren't as physically eye-catching. It's these people who eventually wind up alone. Looks fade. People get wrinkles and gain weight. Old age catches up with us sooner or later. On the ot...

I don't think we need to consult a research study to conclude with certitude that the answer to this is clearly "yes." Of course, not all perfumes are created equal. Some are so strong as to seem intrusive, and it doesn't help when people are literally bathed in it. I receive nothing but high praise when I'm wearing what I deem to be the best of the best cologne, Armani Code. My wife, meanwhile, smells great when she puts on favorites like Light Blue by Dolce and Gabbana, Guilty by Gucci, and Heavenly by Victoria's Secret. It's not to say that by wearing cologne or perfume, you'll attract potential suitors like magnets. Emitting a pleasant smell is just a small part of the package you offer a potential love interest. Your hygiene, style of dress, intelligence, self-confidence, and value system and other physical and personal attributes figure prominently as well. If anything, wearing cologne shows that you care about the smell you're gi...

I wear contact lenses roughly 90% of the time. I only wear glasses when I'm watching TV at home, right before going to sleep, or when I'm experiencing an issue with one or both eyes that precludes putting on the lenses, such as an allergic reaction or infection. I've always wondered whether people regard those who wear glasses as smarter. These days, it seems glasses are becoming a fashion statement more than anything else. I've seen countless athletes and celebrities sporting black-framed glasses in recent years. Research suggests people instinctively associate higher intelligence with glasses. In fact, studies show throwing a pair on can actually help you succeed in job interviews. The fact of the matter is that glasses make a person appear bookish. For many people, they might signal that one is nearsighted because they read a lot. A study presented at the 2012 American Academy of Ophthalmology Annual Meeting suggested that myopia (i.e., nearsightedness) was l...

There are smart people, and then there are confident people. While some people possess both smarts and self-confidence, others may have or exhibit only one of these attributes.  There's no question that politicians like Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama are bright, self-assured people. Connections notwithstanding, they would otherwise not have made it to the big stage.  Of course, people are at their best when they embody both of these characteristics. You could be the smartest guy in the world, but if you don't make your points with some level of conviction, no one would ever know it. People won't believe what you're saying -- no matter how ground-breaking or erudite -- if you don't sound sure of yourself. At the same time, being gregarious won't get you far unless whatever you're discussing has substance. Spouting off nonsense undercuts any confidence you may bring to the table because, after a while, people will simply w...

Is winning a person's mind as important as winning his or heart? To some people, smarts aren't nearly as important as qualities like honesty, humility, and compassion. To others (myself included), intelligence is among the qualities desired most in a partner. I think brains are beyond sexy. I love having a partner who can challenge me intellectually. It doesn't necessarily mean she has to be a walking textbook (though academic knowledge will certainly win her brownie points). Rather, she has to be able to make strong, logical arguments to support her position on issues of the day -- whether it be technology, the economy, racial strife, or politics. In other words, I want my partner to be in the know. One of the ways my wife ultimately won my heart was by winning my mind first. I saw how smart she was -- she's a teacher by the way -- and didn't take long to become enamored of her. A woman who may not rank high in physical attractiveness instantly becomes mo...

Judging from what my female friends have told me -- and based on the guys I have seen them and other women on the street go out with -- I can say with confidence that women are generally less hung up on looks than their male counterparts. We've all seen the blonde bombshell alongside the balding older guy with a beer belly. Why is it usually not the other way around -- a super attractive guy with a not-so-physically-appealing woman? Maybe it's that, on some subconscious level, men are pickier as far as what genes they want transferred to their offspring. If the girl is, say, overweight, he might figure that increases the odds of his kid having weight problems. Men also seem far more interested in specific regions of the opposite gender's anatomy, not to mention size (big breasts, round butt, etc.) I don't think this way myself. In fact, my wife is somewhat overweight, which doesn't bother me because I have always had a preference for women with more meat on th...