Sometimes it isn't that someone has changed, but that now you see them for who they really are. It can be disappointing to realize that someone whom you held in high esteem -- whether an old friend or relatively new girlfriend -- isn't as you imagined. Maybe you've noticed a pattern of lies, throwing cold water on the rosy impression you'd built of them in your mind. Perhaps they'd hidden the fact that they have a massive heap of debt, a never-before-mentioned ex who continues reaching out to them, or aspirations of moving to Europe in a year. Do some people change for the worst over time? In some instances, yes. It's possible they could grow complacent, envious, or flat-out bitter in the relationship, and things like alcohol and stress at work may be culprits -- though they're certainly not valid reasons for bad behavior. But in other cases, they manage to put up a front -- rather effectively, I might add -- that may persist for years. The p...

In the last couple of months, a few of my readers have reached out to me seeking advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship that once held great promise has imploded completely. They imagined themselves spending their entire lives with their partner, so coming to terms with the harsh reality that the individual didn't turn out as they expected and is no longer around has been immensely difficult.  They feel anxious, depressed, and lost. Despite the fact that they realize the person isn't right for them (as much as they wish they were), and that going their separate ways is for the best, a part of them clings to the hope that they can patch things up.  This prompts them to reach out to their ex against their better instincts. They keep looking for a sign -- one moment, one conversation -- to convince them that things are on the mend.  Alas, that sign never seems to come.  The more they talk, the more my readers seem to argue with the...

They say that happiness starts in the mind, and that is no exaggeration.  What people fail to realize is that we can actually put a positive spin on many of the things that leave us feeling anxious or sad. Of course, there are serious circumstances that you can't put a happy face on (e.g., news of an illness), but this technique still works for a wide range of situations in which a simple change in one's outlook can radically improve their day.  For example, many people fret over aging and reminisce about the "good old days." Instead of dwelling on the past, though, why not think that your best days are actually ahead of you?  Think about it: The younger version of yourself that you visualize was probably more naive and inexperienced. Chances are you were not as financially secure and had not the faintest idea what you wanted to do with your life.  So, in reality, you're in a better place now -- wiser and with a firmer handle on your goals an...

The great Albert Einstein once said, "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu believed that "if you are depressed, you are living in the past; if you are anxious, you are living in the future; if you are at peace, you are living in the present." Both men echo Francis Bacon Sr., who said, "Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand -- and melting like a snowflake." The gist of these quotes is that we should live in the moment -- otherwise known as mindfulness.  The dictionary defines mindfulness as "a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations." In other words, it involves being cognizant of your physical and emotional state without being judgmental.  Most peopl...

A new study in the journal of Current Biology establishes a link between temporary anxiety and -- wait for it -- obsessive cleaning. It turns out that being in an anxious state may in fact make people tidy up.  Researchers primed a group of college students into freaking out over a public speaking task. They were presented with a shiny statue and asked to prepare a speech about it in front of a panel of experts. Following the speech, they were told to clean the object. (In addition, there was a control group comprised of students who were not required to give a speech.) Those who had to give the anxiety-inducing speech were more repetitive in how they cleaned. The amount of anxiety the students reported feeling over the task predicted how many repeated movements they made while cleaning, as well as how long they cleaned the object before they deemed it reasonably clean. In times of stress, people might turn to repetitive behavior like cleaning because it gives the...

It's that time of the year again -- kids across the nation are commencing what they -- and their teachers and parents alike -- hope will be a fabulous school year. Now that school is back in session, we can certainly count on two things happening, especially in the next couple of weeks: 1. Traffic will get worse: If you happen to live and work near school zones -- as I do -- your commute most definitely will get longer.  In my case, during the school year it takes me roughly 10-15 minutes longer to get to work in the morning and home in the evening.  I try to leave extra early in the morning to beat the traffic, which often results in my getting to work an hour early. That's when I recline my chair in the chair and pull out a book -- or, I get a few extra Zzs.  As for the evening, if I see traffic slowing to a crawl, I stop by a nearby Starbucks or library -- book in hand -- and wait it out. If I leave an hour or two later, I usually get home in abou...