I'm often asked how one can determine whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if it's time to put it out to pasture once and for all.  Let's face it: Relationships are hard. Through their ups and downs, their twists and turns, maintaining them takes a great deal of time and energy.  It's when one or both partners no longer care to invest said time and energy that it may be time to pull the plug.  Because a relationship cannot be carried on only one person's shoulders, and it certainly cannot maintain itself. I've found myself grasping to keep ties with a particular person strong only because of our shared history. But once I realized that they didn't value that history as deeply as I did, I asked myself, "What's the point?" I'm all for doing everything in your power to reinvigorate the relationship before throwing in the towel. But in the process, one must assess whether the other individual is doing their part. Are they initiating ca...

Picture how painful it must be to see the person you love in the arms of another man or woman -- all because you took them for granted. Even though you claim to love them, you may have recognized a tad late that you just never showed it, at least not nearly as much as you should have. Countless people experience this painful reality each and every day, not knowing what they have until it has walked out the door for good. In order to avoid this fate, it's important that we not just talk the talk but walk the walk as well. It pays to spend occasional moments imagining yourself without them -- envisioning your significant other walking out the door, embracing another man or woman, and basically forgetting you ever existed.  While no relationship is perfect -- much like the people in them -- a failure to invest in it can gradually snowball into bitter arguments and corrosive resentment. Shutting off communication is akin to depriving a plant of the water, sunlight, and nutrients it nee...

Don't allow anyone -- not your friends, not your relatives, not your partner, and not your co-workers -- to put you down for mistakes you've made in the past. Many people have a nasty habit of, in the heat of an argument, or as a result of having a bad day, bringing back to light past mistakes that you've apologized for, learned from, and pledged not to repeat. They likely see it as ammunition they carry in their back pocket in the event they really want to make you feel like crap. They tell themselves that you should be appreciative of the fact they forgave you, even though, in their view, you didn't deserve it. It's as if you "owe" them. If they really forgave you, they should not indulge themselves by giving you guilt trips whenever the mood strikes, even if you've done something more recently to ruffle their feathers. Focusing their ire on the matter at hand is one thing; rehashing things you've put behind you is another entirely. I...

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them. I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road. I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to: Have a completely different path in life Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities May be facing battles they know nothing about  May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs. Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and...

The best way to get back at someone is not by inflicting harm on them -- whether physical, mental, or emotional pain. It's not by wishing that something bad were to happen to them. It's not by stealing from, cheating on, lying to, or publicly embarrassing them. All of these methods are cold, calculated, utterly pointless and, quite frankly, callow. Two wrongs don't make a right. By seeking retribution, you stoop to the other person's level. The best way to get back at someone is by demonstrating to them that your life is richer and more fulfilling without them in it.  In other words, you show that making the most of your life -- by indulging your hobbies and spending time with people you love -- doesn't have to involve him or her. Whether the person dumped you, cheated on you, stabbed you in the back, or did something else to betray your trust, rest assured that someday, somebody will do the same to them. It is then they'll realize how you must h...

When life has you feeling down on yourself -- whether it's because you're stressed at work or beset by problems in your marriage -- letting go is usually the first step toward getting things back on track. Here are some ways you can let go and infuse your life with positivity: Let go of what you thought should happen and live in what's happening. Let go of your grudges, for they will only cause the resentment and bitterness in you to fester. Let go of your notions of how people should think or behave in a given situation, for the higher you set your expectations of others, the more likely it is they'll fail to meet them. Let go of feelings of envy or jealousy you may feel toward those whom you perceive as more accomplished. Rather than compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the person you were six months ago or a year ago -- for that is a far better benchmark for measuring progress. Let go of the past. It's behind you now. All you can do is ta...

Don't preoccupy yourself trying to be more successful than your friends, neighbors, or coworkers. Instead, focus on improving yourself. Concentrate on being better than you were a day, a week, even a year ago -- whether that means getting in better shape, becoming more productive, having more money in the bank, or just becoming a better person all around. Comparing ourselves to other people can only lead us down a path of jealousy, resentment, and frayed relationships. We must all concede that there will always be someone more popular, attractive or successful than us. But that doesn't mean we have to begrudge them their fortune. And it doesn't mean we have to emulate them either. Their lives are theirs alone. You have your own life in which to achieve the goals that you've chosen to pursue. Those goals won't always align with others', and that's okay. Not all of us want to be rich doctors, parents to four children, or globetrotters. Some of u...

Don't waste your time, energy, and brain cells on people who simply aren't worth it. Who cares that Sally from high school makes more money than you? Or that a neighbor you hardly even know has a better car? Or that several people you have on Facebook -- whom you barely ever speak to -- travel to Walt Disney World five times a year? It's really a shame that, for so many people, life has become little more than a competition to best their peers. They can't help but assess how well they're doing in life by comparing themselves to other people -- people that may have completely different goals, interests, values, and personalities altogether. As I've noted in prior posts, sites like Facebook can bring out the worst in some people. It has evolved into a breeding ground for narcissism unlike anything I've seen before. Selfies, gloating about eating at the hottest restaurant in town, pictures galore while on vacation in the Bahamas. It's become more abou...

We don't always get back what we put into things in our lives -- our jobs, our friendships, our relationships -- at least not immediately. When it becomes apparent that someone no longer fits in your life, it's best to let them go. It can be hard to come to terms with the fact that someone who thought you'd spend the rest of your life with didn't turn out to be the person you envisaged. The same goes for an individual you thought you'd be lifelong friends with. Whether you or the other party is to blame for a faltering relationship, sometimes trying to make it work only results in deeper resentment. It is very difficult to part with something we've invested a lot of time and energy into -- something we assumed would last indefinitely. This can also be applied to jobs. Many of us have grand plans of staying in the same company for many years, if not our entire working lives. However, quarrels with our bosses or coworkers, unfulfilling/unchallenging ...

Isn't it ironic how there are so many people in relationships with partners they don't really love, and so many single folks who are dying to be in relationships with people they do love -- but can't? Let's break both scenarios down. In the first case, people might be involved with people they don't love for several reasons: They're with them for their money  They were on the rebound after their last relationship ended in failure  They don't want to be alone  They have no other options at the moment They're trying to please their parents and/or friends For purely physical reasons  And here are some reasons why a person may love someone, but can't be romantically involved with them: He or she is already taken The person doesn't have the nerve to ask them out or try to take the friendship to the next level They don't want to jeopardize the friendship they already have The individual doesn't feel he or she is ...

Whatever goal it is you're aiming for -- landing a better job, losing weight, finding a boyfriend -- it's imperative that you NOT do one thing that will most certainly set you back rather than put you closer to the finish line: complain. You can grumble incessantly over the fact that your current job has made you miserable since you first got it three years ago. You can complain non-stop that all those trips to McDonald's after work have resulted in your gaining 30 pounds. You can beat yourself up over not listening to your friends and putting yourself out there more to increases your chances of snagging a great guy. But what good does that do? What's done is done. There's no use of harping over things that can't be changed. Bygones will be bygones. Put aside the "buts" and "what ifs" and move forward. Complaining about things you can't change does nothing but build negativity and lead to feelings of guilt and resentment. While ...

Being put in the friend zone is a real drag. I would know -- because I've been there. Before I hooked up with my now-wife, I got "friend-zoned" by a couple of girls. That was back when I knew little to nothing about how women think and what it takes for a man to draw them to him like magnets. Here are some telltale signs that a woman has put a man in the dreaded friend zone: She hardly touches him She fends him off when he tries get affectionate (e.g. tries to kiss or put his arm around her) She talks to him about other guys and uses him as a shoulder to cry on She makes excuses for why she can't see or go out with him She leaves him hanging on a number of occasions Once she picks up on his advances, she ends phone conversations quicker, and his texts and phone calls go unanswered  She calls him her buddy or brother I think that when a woman is cognizant of a man's feelings for her and yet she continues to string him along, she is doing the unconsc...

Society puts immense pressure on us to fit in to groups and hew to their norms. But doing so can feel like abandoning our individuality and compromising our beliefs and principles. What's worse, studies have found that when a person is cajoled into doing something they truly wish not to do -- whether it's smoking, taking drugs, or losing his virginity -- it can have serious ramifications. In fact, researchers found that people who grudgingly engaged in said behaviors were later found to be at a greater risk of suffering from substance abuse, alcoholism, and other problems. As if that weren't enough, it can detrimentally affect our self-worth and self-esteem, leading to feelings of anger and resentment. Peer pressure is alive and well, it seems. It's imperative that parents be well informed about their kids' social circles at school. After all, peers exert considerable influence on a child's life. But the pressure to do something against one's will isn'...