If you lose someone, but find yourself in the process, guess what? You've won. Maybe it's an ex who walked away because they found you too unexciting or conventional for them. Perhaps it's a friend who stopped responding to your messages once they realized they couldn't control you or get you to validate their every decision. You've likely been in this boat at some point or another. At first, seeing the relationship go down the tubes hits us hard, and we may be apt to blame ourselves. But gradually, we come to realize that it didn't work out for a reason, and rather than inducing sadness in us, that fact brings us a great sense of comfort and relief. It reinforces something that we knew all along, but perhaps never contemplated too deeply: If we try to think or behave like others just to gain their approval, we are essentially selling ourselves out, handing them our self-identity in a bag. Sadly, I've spoken to people who will suppress what m...