Have you ever been in a relationship devoid of trust? Did it ultimately break down because you simply couldn't confide in your partner? When trust evaporates in a relationship, it becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- to restore. Trust is as integral to a relationship as honesty, love, communication, kindness, and loyalty.  Trusting the other person is our decision, but it is their choice to value our trust and demonstrate that they're deserving of it. If you have to play detective in your relationship, then the trust just isn't there. If you have to second-guess their every move because they keep you on edge all the time, trust is non-existent. It is at that point that one must do whatever is necessary to build or restore it, or simply call the relationship quits. Here are just some of the ways trust in a partner can cease to exist: They lie to us. This can take a host of forms (e.g., cheating, feigning their love, etc.)  They steal from us....

Have you ever stopped and considered how illogical attraction can be? Let me give you an example by taking you down memory lane. Remember back when you were in elementary, middle, or high school and there always seemed to be one particular guy or girl whom everyone seemed to like? Don't get me wrong: It makes sense why they would have many admirers. They tended to be good looking and popular (probably on the cheerleading squad or football team) and had tons of friends. Chances are they became prom king/queen. Maybe even you jumped on the bandwagon and counted yourself among the lovestruck. What I've always wondered is: Did all of those kids really like the student in question, or did they just express interest them because everyone else did? I can honestly say that I "fell" for the girl all the guys liked, and it was in middle school. Once the dust had settled, I realized that I didn't have feelings for the girl after all. I had just fallen for a...

Allow me to commence this post by posing a question: Do you judge attractive people to be nicer or smarter than less attractive people? (Now, I know people have different taste, but let's assume, for the purpose of this hypothetical situation at least, that we generally find the same people to be attractive the world over.) Most of you might say, "Of course not. Physical beauty has little to do with traits like kindness and intelligence. Studies show, however, that thanks to human perception, they're more entwined than we think.  People have a tendency to judge beautiful people as sharing a variety of psychological characteristics based solely on their looks. Beautiful people are perceived not only as nicer, but more successful.  One study in 2014 found that viewers judged an attractive person who smiled as happier than a smiling person with an unattractive face.  It's mind-boggling to think that people would assign so man...

Whether it's in an old friendship or a new romantic relationship, you should never have to apologize for making clear how you feel. Being remorseful for one's feelings is like saying, "I'm sorry for being real." Openly communicating one's feelings is healthy and beneficial -- as long as it is done in a tactful fashion. Of course, declaring one's feelings in the throes of a fiery rant won't yield great results. If you don't put your feelings on the table, your friend or partner won't know what's going through your head. Once their eyes have been opened to your feelings, they should show respect and compassion toward your perspective, even if they roundly disagree with it. While being forthcoming in this way may not always rub people the right way, it is certainly better than keeping those feelings hidden out of fear of backlash. In the latter scenario, the person may feel they lack an outlet, prompting them to (1) divulge perso...

There's no question that February 14 marks a special day -- one most people like to call "the day of love." We give our significant other flowers, candy, jewelry, or some other gift to demonstrate our love for them, and as a token of appreciation for all they do for us.  Valentine's Day, however, should take place 365 days each year. And I'm not talking about giving someone gifts -- just the part about displaying our love for the individual.  You see, one can demonstrate their love through small deeds like leaving love notes in the other person's wallet, preparing their favorite breakfast or dinner entree, or carrying their bags to and fro. One needn't spend a red cent.  Valentine's Day -- much like Mother's Day and even Christmas -- has become so highly commercialized that most everyone associates it with chocolate and flowers. But the holiday's real meaning goes far deeper. It's the one day throughout the entire year...

There are those in our lives whom we consider genuinely good people. They're positive, helpful, accommodating. They've been there for us when we've needed them. We deem them a definite enhancement to our lives. It's for this reason we may be astonished to find that they're single, and chances are they've been a bachelor or bachelorette for quite a while. "But they'd make the perfect catch," we tell ourselves or others with bewilderment. We later discover it isn't that they can't land a date, for their good looks and charisma have been known to draw a healthy number of prospects. It's that they're super picky. We might try to fix them up with someone we know, but they always seem to find fault with something, and it is usually in the domain of attractiveness. For example, some women refuse to date men who are not taller than them. Then there are men who will not give the time of day to a woman who goes beyond a certain ...

Relationships don't die on their own. They end because one or both partners fail to invest the time, energy, and effort to sustain them. They put everything before the relationship -- work, chores, kids, hobbies -- and are then left wondering why things took such a bad turn. A relationship can't maintain itself. Just because you've been with someone for 20 years, share the same interests, or you're convinced nothing could ever tear you apart doesn't mean it can't go down the tubes. If both partners aren't actively contributing to the relationship, they can drift apart in no time, potentially opening the door to drinking, depression, cheating, and other circumstances that can put the relationship on a downward spiral from which it may never recover. On the flip side, those who genuinely want the relationship to remain strong never cease doing the little things -- the love notes/texts, a surprise dinner here and there, a kiss upon waking up and bef...

If there's something we can almost universally agree upon, it's that no one wants a pushover for a partner. Some people, especially at the outset of the relationship, believe that if they give their partner all they want and never once object to anything they say or do, the relationship will be stronger in the end. They fear that if they voice their true feelings and concerns, their partner will get upset and possibly dump them. If one is that fearful of communicating openly with their significant other, they may have self-esteem and/or confidence issues to work through. Why be intimidated by your partner? You should feel at ease to let him or her know when something rubs you the wrong way -- just as they should. If your partner has a history of throwing fits whenever you express disagreement, it speaks to their character and should lead you to question whether you can reasonably remain in a relationship with someone so combustible. As long as you drive your argum...

If there's one thing I've learned in my observations of people, it's that many of them put looking good before being genuine, which is a huge mistake. They try to say the right things to win others' approval. They never admit they're wrong. Some even go so far as to change something about themselves just to appease a friend, love interest, or relative. In other words, preserving their image trumps qualities like sincerity and integrity. They try to live the kind of life society expects them to have, even though deep down it isn't the one they desire. They're lying to others -- and themselves. Moreover, they're willing to fake anything and everything about themselves just to appear more driven, more successful, more likable, or whatever it is they're aiming for. At the end of the day, none of us are perfect. We become wiser people through our experiences, which often include making mistakes we learn from and, hopefully, never repeat. If on...

Here's a quick dating tip for the fellas: If you assume that you'll win over a woman by merely being nice and sweet to her, you're wrong. If you think that showering her with gifts and affection is all it'll take, your thinking is misguided. Rather, wooing a woman involves a combination of these things, plus many more. Earning her respect is critical, and you do so by having or striving for a good job; treating your family, friends, and peers well; being hard-working and intelligent; and exuding honesty and integrity. Being sweet and romantic should be part of the overall package, but it is hardly enough. All the flowers, chocolates, and cutesy notes in the world can never compensate for highly undesirable qualities like irrepressible anger, a slovenly appearance, and chronic dishonesty. Above all, if a woman doesn't feel she can trust a man, there's simply no hope for a relationship.

There are certain qualities we value in people, so much so that they inspire us to be more like these individuals. Here are the attributes that I most revere in people I truly respect and admire: Intelligence : People who can not only debate me on a substantive topic, but teach me something new along the way. They're intellectually curious, articulate, and well-read.  Hard work : I respect someone who's willing to give it their all in order to achieve a goal. Perseverance:  They get knocked down, but they get up again. They don't allow challenges or problems, however big or small, to derail their dreams. Passion:  They eat, drink, and sleep music, writing, business, cooking, or whatever it is they love. They're constantly trying to learn more, whether by reading books, watching YouTube videos, or asking others.  Unyielding : No matter how many times their friends or relatives might advise them to invest their energies in something that will be...

Is winning a person's mind as important as winning his or heart? To some people, smarts aren't nearly as important as qualities like honesty, humility, and compassion. To others (myself included), intelligence is among the qualities desired most in a partner. I think brains are beyond sexy. I love having a partner who can challenge me intellectually. It doesn't necessarily mean she has to be a walking textbook (though academic knowledge will certainly win her brownie points). Rather, she has to be able to make strong, logical arguments to support her position on issues of the day -- whether it be technology, the economy, racial strife, or politics. In other words, I want my partner to be in the know. One of the ways my wife ultimately won my heart was by winning my mind first. I saw how smart she was -- she's a teacher by the way -- and didn't take long to become enamored of her. A woman who may not rank high in physical attractiveness instantly becomes mo...

And no, a strong sex drive and big muscles didn't quite make the cut. I know there are several contenders for the top 2 spots, but I would say the two qualities women desire most in men are honesty and self-confidence. I thought about sense of humor, but not every single woman necessarily seeks a man who can make her laugh. That would probably occupy 4th or 5th place on the list. However, every woman I've talked to says a man HAS to be sincere -- no ifs or buts about it. If she can't trust the guy, there's no way that a relationship could ever be possible with that person. With stories of infidelity dominating the tabloids and the divorce rate skyrocketing, it's no wonder that women are on high alert. Then there's self-confidence. Women desire men who are sure of themselves. Now, they don't have to be self-confident when it comes to every itty bitty thing they do (no one's perfect), but they should show passion and a drive to excel at something, wh...

Judging from what my female friends have told me -- and based on the guys I have seen them and other women on the street go out with -- I can say with confidence that women are generally less hung up on looks than their male counterparts. We've all seen the blonde bombshell alongside the balding older guy with a beer belly. Why is it usually not the other way around -- a super attractive guy with a not-so-physically-appealing woman? Maybe it's that, on some subconscious level, men are pickier as far as what genes they want transferred to their offspring. If the girl is, say, overweight, he might figure that increases the odds of his kid having weight problems. Men also seem far more interested in specific regions of the opposite gender's anatomy, not to mention size (big breasts, round butt, etc.) I don't think this way myself. In fact, my wife is somewhat overweight, which doesn't bother me because I have always had a preference for women with more meat on th...