A person whose words have been shown to contradict his or her actions is one you're better off without. Maybe it's the girlfriend who professes to love you but always misses your milestone moments.  The friend who talks up your being best buddies, but has been caught spreading lies about you. The co-worker who assures you that you can always count on them, but is furtively angling for your job. The truth is that it's not always easy to decipher people's real motives, especially when you don't know them that well. But once you observe on more than one occasion that their actions don't mirror their words, you ought to cast a wary eye.  People can make promises all they like, but if there's no action to back them up, it's evident they've got a penchant for disingenuousness. Don't be too quick to hand over your trust. We are much more apt to do this when the person in question is charming and charismatic.  A rule of thumb to go by: You don't real...

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that someone is lying to you even though you want to believe them? Maybe it's a co-worker who tries to assure you she wasn't the one who furtively stole the stapler. Maybe it's a friend who calls you at the last minute to say they've come down with a stomach bug and cannot attend your birthday party.  The simplest way to tell if someone is lying to you is to assess whether their words match their actions. For example, I was once involved with a woman who professed her love for me day and night.  I'd met her online and was always eager to meet up in person, but she never seemed to share in that enthusiasm. Everytime I proposed going to the mall or movies together, she came up with a new excuse for why she couldn't go. After much cajoling, she agreed to meet face-to-face. I was smitten and always looked forward to our next encounter, but the feeling didn't seem mutual.  In the end, I saw her two or three times, and then ...

What would you say is the most clear-cut predictor of how someone will behave in the future? If you said "past behavior," you've hit the nail on the head.  Sure, people can surprise us by radically deviating from prior behavior, but this tends to be the exception rather than the rule. For example, if your friend routinely exhibits a noticeable aversion toward silly comedies, chances are he will continue to loathe such movies. If your sister displays an acute dislike of seafood, she's bound to avoid lobster, crab, and all manner of sea creatures for the foreseeable future. When it's hard to decode a person's true intentions, you have only two tools you can leverage: your gut and, you guessed it, the person's track record. If you lure someone away from a competing firm to come work for you, rest assured they can be coaxed into bolting from yours. If someone cheats on their spouse with you, who's to say they won't cheat on you with som...

At some point, you've likely made an effort to motivate your reluctant partner to do something you know will be good for them. Maybe it's getting more exercise and laying off the fatty foods. Perhaps it's investing more time into studying to finally earn that degree, or doing chores around the house. Here's the thing: It’s a lot easier to make changes within yourself than to get someone else to. It's only human nature for people to resist others' efforts to push them into doing things they simply don't wish to do. And, sometimes, the harder you try, the more obdurate they are. Here's a sounder strategy for getting around their obstinance: Let them observe changes in YOUR own attitude and actions, which are far more likely to prompt changes in your partner than anything else. For example, let's assume you feel your partner is taking you for granted. You've told your partner countless times that you wish they would put more effort...

"Well done is better than well said" is a popular axiom you may have heard before. Can you guess who came up with it? (Hint: He appears in the image featured in this post.) Well, it is attributed to none other than Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790). To say this Founding Father of the United States had an impressive is an understatement. He was a printer, author, political theorist, postmaster, diplomat, inventor, scientist, humorist, civic activist, statesman, among other things. Essentially, what Franklin is saying that, while words are nice, one's actions ultimately carry far more meaning. Put simply, actions speak louder than words. And we all know from experience that while many people can talk the talk, not everyone can walk the walk. Maybe you were once in a relationship with someone who claimed he cared about you, but never invested the time and energy you did. Or perhaps you had a friend who never seemed to be there when you needed her most, even tho...

When giving someone your all isn't sufficient in the relationship, you're with the wrong person. Whether your efforts fall short in their view because he or she is that hard to please (e.g., she doesn't feel you buy her enough stuff) or he fails to recognize your varied contributions (e.g., chores, emotional support, and so on), being with such an individual can be draining, if not demoralizing. What's frustrating is that the person may never come to appreciate all the time, energy, sweat, and tears we've invested into the relationship. When you arrive at this juncture, one really has to ask whether trying to salvage the relationship is even worth it anymore. Broaching the subject may or may not help. He or she may take offense to your claims and insist that they do value your efforts, even if their actions contradict their words. And even if it does help initially, the person may revert to their old habits once they sense all is fine and dandy again. ...

Don't just pay attention to people's words. Give greater importance to their actions , for they count far more. Think of words as being like the facade of a home, and actions being akin to the foundation. Sure, a house can look pretty and structurally sound on the outside, but if the foundation is compromised, it can have dire consequences. The same goes for a car whose impeccable exterior masks problems that lie under the hood. In the content of a relationship, people may say they would go to the ends of the Earth for you, but if their behaviors fail to back up their words, such individuals are full of hot air. It's people's actions that lend their words substance. Imagine how many relationships have gone down the drain because people's words didn't match up with their deeds (or misdeeds, I should say). Maybe you're in a relationship with someone who says he loves you, but he never seems to be around when you're most in need of his supp...

How do you know if someone you hold in high esteem really feels the same way about you? What's a surefire way to tell whether they're in for the long haul, or if they'll disappear when least expected? Let them see you at your worst -- with health issues, money woes, and problems at home or work. Allow them to see you racked with self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. If, despite all this, they choose to stand by you, then you know they genuinely care about you. Those who bolt at the first sign of hardship aren't true friends or loving partners. They're likely in the relationship for selfish reasons, though they might try to create the opposite impression. Obviously, we should never take on the role of savior for anyone, as they're responsible for solving their problems on their own. Still, if we truly value the individual, what kind of a friend or partner would we be to abandon them in their time of greatest need? At the same time, those who only ...

If merely saying "I love you" to one's partner countless times determined whether a relationship or marriage would last, we'd see far fewer divorces and breakups in our lifetime. Those three words, as we very well know, get tossed around quite a lot.  Unfortunately, the divorce rate is so high in part because people fail to back their declarations of love with concrete actions.  What good is professing to love someone if a person doesn't demonstrate it? Actions lends such words substance.  To give you another example, you can tell people, "I am intent on losing weight," but if you continue to eat fatty foods every night, your words come off as little more than hot air. So why do people think stating they love their partner is enough? Some couples have been together for a long time. Once complacency begins to set in, they may stop trying as hard, assuming their history and the comfort they feel in the relationship alone will carr...

A person may like you, but that doesn't necessarily mean they value you. So what's the difference? Someone can like you and still take you for granted, treat you with disdain, and run the relationship into the ground.  In other words, whether a person likes you or not says nothing about their willingness to invest in and commit to the relationship. One can like that someone possesses certain attributes -- whether ambition, a sense of humor, integrity, or loyalty -- and still not value them as a person. Take cheaters. Do you really think that people who cheat on their partners don't like them? On the contrary, despite their transgressions, many assert that they love and would do anything for their significant others! However, the mere fact they would even entertain the idea of cheating demonstrates they don't value the person in the slightest. If they did, they would know to put on the brakes and not risk jeopardizing the relationship. We also see this ...

When people treat you as if they don't care -- no matter how emphatically they might say they do -- always go by their actions. It might sound pretty cliche by now, but actions really do speak louder than words. Actions, not  words, reveal a person's true intentions. If one's actions don't align with their words, it's pretty obvious they're being dishonest. If anything, our actions should back up whatever comes out of our mouths. So when people say they'll call or visit you, but you're left waiting weeks -- if not months -- for them to reach out to you, it's safe to say they never intended to establish contact in the first place. Some people think they're doing us a favor by telling us things we'd like to hear, even if they might not be entirely honest. Reality check: untruths, half-truths and white lies are all variants of dishonesty, even if such individuals say they're doing it to spare our feelings. Most people would prefe...

Anyone who contends that cheating is a mistake and not a choice probably cheated on their partner at one point, and their assertion is a convenient way to excuse their unseemly behavior. NOTHING can justify cheating. Not drinking. Not a stressful job. Not a broken relationship. If one cheats, he or she should own up to it. Whether their partner forgives or takes them back is their call, but chances are they will not. But who can blame them? And using the tired alibi that you were unfaithful in a moment of weakness (e.g., someone came onto you) is downright ludicrous. Cheating and lying are intentional choices. Human beings are endowed with the willpower to resist such temptations if they should arise. Cheating is a deliberately choice not to tap into that willpower. A mistake, on the other hand, is something that happens accidentally. You twist your ankle playing softball. You forget to mail this month's rent payment. You drop and break your child's favorite mug. You ...

You're probably thinking, "This guy has lost his mind. Why in the world would getting mad at people be pointless?" Fair question. Of course, there are situations where being mad at people is justified: The guy who stole your car, the customer service rep who accidentally billed you $500 more than she should have, the employer who failed to let you know they'd decided to go with a different candidate for the position you'd set your sights on.  But let's face it: sometimes we get mad at friends or relatives over the most trivial matters. We let our emotions get the best of us, an argument ensues, and one or both of us is left reeling. You may not talk to each other for a while, if ever again.  What many people fail to realize is that people are powerless unless we react react to their behavior.  By showing you're mad, you're essentially conveying that you care -- at least enough to get your emotions involved. Eleanor Roosevelt once said...

Apologies don't mean anything if you continue to do what you claim to be sorry for . Saying "sorry" rings hollow if you persist in your unsavory behavior -- whether it's cheating on your spouse, furtively stealing money from your employer, or drug/alcohol abuse. I firmly believe that some people apologize as a quick way out; in reality, they have no intention of following through. Deep down, they're really not sorry. And your support can only go so far when the person can't help but fall off the wagon time and time again. Eventually, you reach a point where nothing short of counseling is in order. I only wish the word "sorry" weren't used so loosely. It's kind of like those who go around telling people they love them after dating them just a few weeks. Say what you mean and mean what you say. As I've stressed in earlier posts, words mean nothing unless you back them up with concrete actions. For example, if you say you'...

When life knocks you down, refuse to give up. Get back on your feet and hit it back -- and go for nothing short of the jugular! You're in the driver's seat of your life. Never let other people -- or circumstances over which you may have little to no control -- get in the way of your happiness. Life is too short not to fight for what you want. Life is too short to throw in the towel anytime something doesn't go as planned -- whether you didn't get the job or the girl. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, focus your energies on what lies ahead. Instead of thinking that you missed out, consider that even better opportunities are in the offing. Maybe all it takes is to work a little harder and fine-tune your approach. If something bothers you too much -- if it has you down in the dumps -- it's because you're letting it have control over your thoughts and feelings. Don't let anything negative hold so much sway over you! For example, let's say someon...

While certain circumstances in life are beyond our control -- death and taxes among them -- there are three things over which we can maintain control: (1) Attitude: We can see the glass as half empty or half full. Whether we view a situation negatively or positively is our choice. (2) Our words: The words that come out of our mouths, as well as those we put down on paper, ought to be chosen carefully, as they're not always easily forgotten. (3) Our actions: Life is less about what happens to us than what we do with what happens to us. Our lives are a direct reflection of the decisions we make. However, this is easier said than done. Oftentimes, we're blindsided by unforeseen circumstances that cause our emotions to supersede rationality, resulting in our later regretting some of the things we say or do. For example, you might be having an awful day after being passed for a promotion or getting fired. Upon getting home, you snap at your spouse when he complains for t...

You can be forgiven for your words or actions, but chances are they won't be forgotten. I have forgiven people -- friends, ex-girlfriends, and the like -- who have done me wrong. In fact, I have stayed in close contact with most of them to this day. However, their hurtful words and actions remain firmly etched in memory, ready to be brought to bear should these individuals insist they've never let me down before. I try not to pull the plug on relationships I've invested a great deal of time and energy into. We all know that making new friends, especially as we get older, is no easy task. However, I become much more guarded thereafter, ensuring that they never again exploit my kind and giving nature for personal gain. I try to choose my words very carefully -- and act accordingly-- so that I won't later have to issue an apology. However, if I were to say or do something that results in hurt feelings, I most certainly would expect them to look at me with a cau...

Today's quote comes from Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), whose work runs the gamut from Founding Father of the United States to accomplished author, printer, inventor, statesman, and diplomat. "Words may show a man's wit but actions his meaning." - Benjamin Franklin I feel that this is an 18th century variant of an oft-repeated quote we've come to know quite well: "actions speak louder than words." I think this quote is especially timely in this politically-charged time we live in. Presidential candidates on both sides of the aisle -- like Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and Ben Carson -- are promising to effect sweeping changes should they come out the victor. It remains to be seen, however, whether they truly live up to their words. The American people are cognizant of the fact that politicians will say anything to procure votes, and that paying lip service is just part of the game. But the quote's relevance extends beyond the world of politi...