Maybe it's getting more exercise and laying off the fatty foods.
Perhaps it's investing more time into studying to finally earn that degree, or doing chores around the house.
Here's the thing: It’s a lot easier to make changes within yourself than to get someone else to.
It's only human nature for people to resist others' efforts to push them into doing things they simply don't wish to do.
And, sometimes, the harder you try, the more obdurate they are.
Here's a sounder strategy for getting around their obstinance: Let them observe changes in YOUR own attitude and actions, which are far more likely to prompt changes in your partner than anything else.
For example, let's assume you feel your partner is taking you for granted.
You've told your partner countless times that you wish they would put more effort and care into the relationship, but your pleas seem to fall on deaf ears.
Chances are that since you continue to let him get away with it -- and seem to forget his "carelessness" during subsequent dinners, trips to the movies, and sessions under the sheets -- he just isn't taking you all that seriously.
Now, if you were to scale back your own investment, that may be the very thing that spurs him to action.
Maybe you decide to stop cooking, forcing him to have to eat out every night (and we all know how expensive food is getting). Or, he suddenly picks up on your sagging interest in being intimate, going to the beach, and doing other things you enjoy together.
Unfortunately, people aren't always moved to act unless they perceive some kind of threat -- and sense they're at risk of losing something.
To use another example, if you've been striving to get her off the couch so that the two of you can exercise together, maybe you should start on your own.
When they see how your workouts are cutting into your time together -- not to mention the fact it's helping you get in great shape -- they may feel compelled to jump on the bandwagon.
In other words, your own behavior can be your most potent tool in your efforts to facilitate positive change in your relationship and in your partner's own life.
Some may say this comes off as playing games, but I'd beg to differ. As long as you're not hurting/being unfair to your partner in any way, it's worth a shot.
After all, persistent nagging can only get you so far.
This strategy is by no means foolproof, but if your partner begins to realize that their own behavior may be to blame for why yours has changed, it can mark a turning point -- a good one at that.
Comments