The success of a relationship depends on both partners supporting and protecting each other's freedom.  Although your lives are intertwined, both of you should retain your individuality, your sense of self. Your identity should not become all wrapped up in the other person. You aren't just a boyfriend or husband. You're your own person -- one with a unique set of values, passions, and attitudes.  While having commonalities enhances the relationship, it's okay -- suggested, even -- to have disparate interests, which can better the relationship in its own right.   Maybe John loves to read and Becky would rather binge on Netflix. Perhaps Tony is a big sports buff while Susan is big on museums and cultural events.  That way, the two of you can always learn something from one another and have something different to contribute to the conversation. And chances are that over time, you one of his/her hobbies may actually grow on you.  To give you an example, my wife...

Have you shrunk yourself out of fear of change, failure, or the unknown? Have you carved out big plans for yourself, only to continue putting them off year after year? We've all been there. Ah, yes, that nagging self-doubt that all but paralyzes us from working toward goals big and small -- and induces us to give up prematurely. No one says you have to give in to those pesky negative thoughts. When they resurface, stop and ask yourself this question: "Who says I can't succeed?" If it's you, it's time to reframe your thinking. And if it's others who are attempting to demotivate you, you're certainly in the wrong company. As a matter of fact, if you're willing to invest the time, energy, and resources into making your dreams a reality, you can achieve anything! Rather than harp on what may go wrong, why not envisage things going well for you? If you always fear failure -- keeping you ensconced in your cozy comfort zone -- you ma...

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them. I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road. I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to: Have a completely different path in life Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities May be facing battles they know nothing about  May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs. Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and...

Whether you desire a career in journalism, a trip to China, or a relationship with a wonderful man, your dreams are never out of reach. As long as you work hard and never cease believing in yourself, you can achieve anything you aspire to. Rest assured, on the road to success, you will experience setbacks along the way that'll test your mettle. The key is never allowing such challenges to faze you. When you want something badly enough, nothing or no one can get in your way. Unfortunately, our own negative thinking is often the single biggest obstacle we're up against. For example, you might feel tempted to throw in the towel because: You're hard up on cash. You've applied for several promising jobs and seem to fall short each time. You've had bad luck with a string of recent dates, convincing you that you'll never find true love. Instead of calling it quits, why not use such struggles to drive you to work harder? Maybe you need to get somet...

Looking to achieve a goal? Inhale confidence. Exhale doubt.  Even if no one else believes in you (which is highly unlikely), you are your single biggest ally. If you don't believe in yourself, you won't realize your dreams -- plain and simple. Achieving goals take hard work, determination, and dogged persistence. If you want something badly enough and are willing to go the extra mile to get it, you've already won half the battle. You might cry, face sleepless nights, argue with friends and loved ones, and even have occasional bouts of depression, pushing you to the brink of quitting. But don't give up!  Things will get better. Hang in there. When everything seems doomed to fail, stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself whether retooling your strategy -- making a few tweaks here and there -- might get you back on the right path. If achieving a goal were easy, we'd have countless superstar athletes, actors, rock stars, and rocket scientis...

Studies show that our criteria for measuring success is markedly different now than it was several years ago. In the past, we typically perceived someone as successful if they boasted possessions that signaled wealth (e.g., car, big house, fancy watch) and appeared to have loads of free time on their hands. We assumed it meant that their net worth was such that they had no real need to work hard. In our minds, they likely spent more time sunbathing in the Caribbean than churning out reports in the office. However, the benchmarks we use to measure success have evolved over time -- not so much when it comes to material possessions, but in terms of overall lifestyle and work ethic. Studies suggest that we are now more likely to perceive someone as being successful if they have little to no time available for leisurely pursuits due to the many responsibilities they shoulder. For example, let's say Joe works 60 hours a week, has kids, and volunteers at a local non-profit. He h...

There are times in life where we envision a person or situation being a certain way, only to find that our expectations don't live up to reality. Maybe we picture our partner turning from a slob to a neat freak, or becoming a huge sports fan or sci-fi geek like ourselves. But after several years, it just hasn't happened. Perhaps we've imagined ourselves working in our dream job -- whether it be as a news anchor for CNN or a world-renowned chef -- but find ourselves nowhere near reaching that goal. Just because the situation at hand isn't ideal doesn't mean you can't take a moment to appreciate the progress you've made. Maybe your boyfriend is much more receptive to watching The Walking Dead than he was a year ago because your enthusiasm for the show has rubbed off on him. Or, you might not yet be, say, the manager of the marketing department, but perhaps you've gone from intern to coordinator in a very short period of time, which in itself is t...

I may not know you personally, but I do know for a fact that you're a wonderful person. How do I know this, you ask? Because you have something great to offer the world, whether it's your radiant smile, an impressive talent, or your generous nature. While we each have our flaws, it's our strengths -- our positive attributes -- that shape our legacy. You make people in your life happy, whether it's your friends, spouse, or children. People look up to you. People see you as brightening their day. There's no one else in the world exactly like you. You ought to take pride in your uniqueness, not feel compelled to change just to appease someone else. You are capable of achieving amazing things. Never doubt yourself. Never feel as though you're beneath anyone else. You deserve happiness and success as much as the next person. But success doesn't simply come knocking at your door. You have to work hard in order to enjoy the fruits of achievement. Me...

Whether you're striving to fulfill a long-held dream or resolve a vexing problem, I'm here to tell you one thing: you can do it. There's really no way around it. You have no choice but to believe you're capable of doing it; otherwise, you won't get very far. Yankees great Yogi Berra once quipped, "It ain't over till it's over." What that means is that until you've thrown in the proverbial towel -- until you've given up -- you have a fighting chance at success. Instead of sitting around and serving up excuses for why you can't do something, try a different approach. With every unsuccessful attempt we gain more wisdom and experience, making us a bit more likely to triumph next time. Positive thinking attracts positive outcomes. However, success doesn't come without hard work, persistence, and sacrifice. It usually requires a serious investment of some resource -- whether time or money -- that we may not always be inclined to...

Don't worry about what may go wrong . Instead, get excited over what could go right ! This is sound advice even for me. I tend be a little paranoid and cynical at times, but I've resolved to be more optimistic this year. There comes a point where we need to accept one thing: There are things in life that we have no control over. Things will not always go our way, no matter how hard we try to shape the outcome. Life is like a rollercoaster -- it has its ups and downs, but we might as well make the most of the ride! There's a difference between being cautious and being so worried about what may go wrong that you refuse to take any chances in life. Life is short. If we don't take risks every once in a while, we'll never know what it's like to grow and achieve a milestone. The most rewarding things we experience in life -- the ones we look back on most fondly -- tend to be those that involve a lot of hard work and frustration. Ultimately, nothing taste...

To help you start the month off on the right foot, I wanted to share with you a quote from Doe Zantamata. This one is worth hanging on your wall or pasting on your nightstand so it's the first thing you look at when you wake up: "Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a great one today." Many people I come across spend days harping on the same issues rather than seeing each day as an opportunity to start   anew -- as a chance to resolve yesterday's issues rather than let them fester. You wouldn't want to reserve so pages in your story for things of a negative nature, would you? We should view each day as an opportunity to conquer our challenges once and for all. Each day brings the promise of growth, happiness, success. Optimism is the essential ingredient to making this happen. You have to believe wholeheartedly that things really can and will get better. Let faith and perseverance be your guide, your anchor. Instead of wondering w...

It can be so tempting to give up on our goals and dreams. We become frustrated when we're slow to make progress. Well-meaning friends and family try to pull us in a different direction. We hit forks in the road that paralyze us into a state of inaction. We lose complete hope. Setting goals starts with the realization that you will face various challenges -- that's a given. Second, and this goes without saying, having a defeatist attitude -- whether right out of the gate or when you're closer to achieving said goal -- will make it all but impossible to attain success. A defeatist attitude yields defeatist results. If you were to ask people what the most essential factor in achieving one's goals is, what do you think they'd say? While hard work and passion play an important role, even more pivotal is perseverance.  You can have all the drive in the world, but if you fall apart at the first sign of a challenge, you will not succeed. Don't give up!  Don...

Sooner or later, we're bound to come across someone who will envy something we have. It could be our success at work, youth, social relationships, shiny car, lovely house, or blissful marriage. What's the best way to deal with these people? Well, it's obviously not appropriate to boast of your advantages. The best approach is to pay them no attention . Try to change the subject to something of a less personal nature, like the weather, celebrity gossip, or sports. If you don't meddle in people's affairs, why should they butt into your business? The worst thing you can ever do in this situation is show off . Don't throw the fact that you have more of something -- or something of greater value -- in people's faces. Such behavior will inevitably bring out the worst in people. From what I've seen, they're capable of everything from spreading vicious rumors to, you guessed it, stealing from you. Moreover, many of us have worked very hard for everyt...

Many people say that hard work accounts for one's success while others contend that luck is the single most important contributing factor. It reminds me of a famous question posed by Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), the 3rd President of the United States and author of the Declaration of Independence: "Why is it that the harder I try, the more luck I seem to have?" In other words, another school of thought is that hard work leads to luck, which in turn creates fortuitous circumstances that make success easier to attain. I am of the opinion that success depends on hard work and luck. From what I understand, before Justin Bieber became a megastar -- when he was just a regular kid no one knew of -- he would post videos of himself singing on YouTube. The videos garnered heaps of praise, but that still didn't translate into dollar signs. All it took was for Usher, who is a world-renowned singer in his own right, to take notice of the videos in order for Bieber'...

Today's quote comes from Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965), a respected organist, theologian, physician, philosopher, and medical missionary in Africa. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer  I think Schweitzer is coming through loud and clear on this one. Many people feel that happiness can only be measured by how successful you are -- say, how much money you're making, how many material possessions you own, etc. But if you're happy with what you're doing to begin with, the money and goods are just icing on the cake. That's precisely why so many people have outlets outside of their regular jobs through which they can flex their creative muscle and do the things that truly matter to them. Let's face it. Most of us aren't lucky enough to work in jobs that grant us the creative latitude we so desperately crave. We're told what to do ...