How to Read People

The texts become less and less frequent.  Plans feel as though they're never set in stone (if they don't fall through altogether).  The tone mood changes from joyful to tenuous.   When someone starts pulling away, the shift is usually subtle at first, but gets more noticeable over time. What makes it so unsettling isn’t always the distance itself, but the confusion.  You start replaying conversations in your head, wondering what changed, and feeling the urge to fix it before it slips further away. But nailing down what exactly ought to be fixed becomes a challenge in itself. Before long, you're blaming yourself, wondering if you did something to cause this palpable distance.  Pulling back typically means one of a few things.  Sometimes it’s about the other person’s discomfort with closeness. As intimacy builds, vulnerability increases — and not everyone is good at regulating that. For some, especially those with more avoidant tendencies because of pas...

Has anyone -- whether it be your partner, friend, relative, neighbor, or boss -- done you wrong this year? If so, heed this important end-of-year tip: Let it go . Start 2019 with a clean slate. Don't carry other people's drama and negativity with you into the new year. Let your hopes and dreams crowd out your fears and worries. Sure, we can never rid ourselves of all our concerns, but why not start the new year on a high note? If you can't excise from your life the people bringing you grief, e.g., your toxic boss, make it a New Year's resolution not to get hung up on their every word or move. Refuse to allow these people to sour your mood, lower your self-esteem, and eat away at your mental well-being. If we're not careful, we can become trapped in a vicious circle of questioning people's motives, possibly blaming ourselves in the process: Why did they yell at me over the phone? Why haven't they answered my texts? Why did they seem to ...

As an overthinker, I know firsthand what a double-edged sword it can be. At times, it can feel like a blessing, while at others it can seem like a curse. You're always proactive about everything so as to prevent any mishaps: setting three alarms in the morning so you don't oversleep, making sure your spouse charged his or her phone overnight so that you don't assume the worst if you don't hear from them, checking several times that you locked the front door before heading to work, overpreparing for meetings and presentations, and so on. In other words, an overthinker's modus operandi is to minimize risk and avoid problems, which definitely keeps them out of trouble. The problem is that overthinking can lead one to become very anxious, almost to the point of having a nervous breakdown. There have been times where my wife has left her phone at home or on silent. When I dial her number and don't get a response, I continue to call incessantly until she p...