Even amongst my closest male friends, I've noticed something of a pattern: Men generally don't like to talk about their problems. I recently wrote to a friend who uncharacteristically forgot my birthday this year. To my surprise, he told me he'd had surgery and had been in recovery for two weeks.  He didn't seem inclined to talk much about it; in fact, he didn't even disclose what kind of surgery he'd had. I'm in a similar boat with yet another male friend, who recently broke up with his fiancée of three years and has been scant on details.  This despite the fact that I, as a man, have been transparent with them about my health and relationship woes in the past.  I understand not everyone is at the same comfort level when it comes to divulging personal information, even to close friends.  But these very men have a tendency to pry into the affairs of others. They may ask questions of me that they wouldn't answer themselves if it were the other way around....

Spend your spare time the way you like -- not the way you think you're supposed to. Do the things you enjoy -- not the ones you feel you ought to enjoy only because society expects you to. If reading, writing, painting, fishing, fixing cars, admiring nature, museum hopping, going to a baseball game, shopping, dining, traveling around the world, or simply watching TV does it for you, go for it. If you don't want to party, don't do it. If you don't want to drink, stand your ground. If you don't want to have a kid or pet, whether now or ever, don't feel compelled to do so just so that you can fit in with the animal lovers or mothers-of-three at work. Many people -- even close friends -- will try to pressure you into doing things that go against your nature or may even make you uncomfortable. Don't succumb to such coaxing. If they can't take no for an answer, they're not real friends. You have a right to do as you wish in your free time. Do...

Trends. Fads. People wanting to do what everyone else is doing because it's the "it" thing. Whether it's dressing a certain way, decorating one's home in a popular style, or buying a particular product everyone and his brother seems to own, trends can spread like wildfire quickly. But I see trends as overrated. I equate them with the so-called herd mentality, where people are driven to shadow their peers in their choices -- just so they can fit in. I'm not like most people, which is why I don't subscribe to the herd mentality. I'm big on uniqueness and doing whatever you -- not the rest of society -- think is cool, however socially unacceptable it may be. Most people probably don't place me on their "coolest people I know" list. Why? Because I'm not materialistic, I don't drink, and I'm a huge psychology and history geek. Probably not most people's idea of fun. Regardless, I take pride in bucking trends r...

Society leads us to believe that thrusting oneself into social settings is the antidote to loneliness. Yet, many people would agree that one can feel lonelier around a big group of people than when the person is by themselves. For starters, just because a person is alone doesn't mean they're lonely. There are actually people out there, myself included, who enjoy and thrive on time spent alone -- to relax, contemplate, clear their mind. Finding yourself amidst large groups of people whom you don't know can be more isolating than being by your lonesome. Sure, you can always try to strike up a conversation with someone, but it can come off as awkward and doesn't always lead to the desired result. This is especially true when everyone around you already is engaged in conversation with someone else. I feel much more at ease interacting with people when small groups of 2 to 3 people are involved. You don't have people talking and shouting over another. You d...

Every day around noon, a group of five or six people gather in the break room at my company to chat over lunch. They get so boisterous that you can often hear them shouting over each other from the hallway! I've noticed that I hardly ever see these people alone in the building, no matter the day, time, or place. A similar dynamic plays out in my own department, where people do everything from grab coffee to walk to the bathroom together. (I kid you not!) I understand the value of building relationships at work and elsewhere, but these people take it to a whole new level. I think many people have been conditioned by society to believe that unless they do all or most things in pairs or groups, they're weirdos. Many people have a strong longing to be part of a group, and to them, the thought of flying solo is utterly terrifying. Yes, social relationships -- or, connections, as we like to call them -- do help people land jobs, get promotions, and receive other perks. ...

I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you happy, so long as it isn't hurting someone else in the process. As I've noted repeatedly on the blog, what makes you happy isn't always in line with societal expectations. Sometimes the things we do and people we associate with won't make us the coolest, most popular person in town by society's standards, but we do it because they feel right. Here are a few examples: Working in a traditionally low-paying field like teaching or non-profit work Dating someone who looks "different" (e.g., gothic, heavy set, etc.) Becoming heavily invested in something that most people care little about (e.g. reading 18th century literature) Opting not to have children Opting not to get married Renting rather than buying a home Riding a motorcycle rather than driving a car Staying home reading rather than attending a party If we all did to the letter what society expects of us, what a boring world this would be! ...

As I've pointed out in other posts, being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. When people wish to be alone, they usually do so deliberately, whereas being lonely tends to be an undesirable consequence of a particular event, like breaking up with your boyfriend, moving to a new city, etc. People can desire to be alone for a host of reasons: To clear their heads To gather their thoughts To recharge after a long day at work To read or pursue other solitary tasks in a quiet environment They're not in the mood to be around people, especially after someone has done something to disappoint them And many more... Unfortunately, sometimes society makes people who crave alone time out to be weirdos. They're constantly given labels like "antisocial" and "stuck-up." Oftentimes, these descriptors have no basis in reality. Many people -- especially the highly extroverted, who thrive on social interaction -- fail to understand tha...

Many childfree individuals like myself get asked repeatedly when it is that we plan to have children. The pressure is even more pronounced for women, who society expects to kick into baby-making mode as soon as the so-called clock begins to tick. What doesn't add up, though, is that many of the parents asking the question are the same ones who complain about the stress and headaches brought on by parenting. They're endorsing the very thing that's making them go haywire. It's like being miserable at work as an accountant and encouraging others to follow the same career path. As hard and stressful as it may be, having kids is the norm in most people's eyes. It's just "what you do," and if one decides not to have children, people assume sterility is to blame or that something else is wrong.  It's unfair to say that all parents are envious of the childfree, but it's certainly likely that a few of them are. After all, the childfree hav...

Your career choice shouldn't be predicated solely on earning potential. While money is important, it means little if you're going to be miserable. I started college as an accounting major. While few other career paths are nearly as lucrative and stable, I just couldn't see myself crunching numbers for the rest of my life. I switched to marketing, which wound up being a much better fit. Many factors beyond money merit consideration, like opportunities for growth, number of hours required, stress, and, most important, whether one actually likes the work. You don't have to be ardently passionate about what you do. After all, you're there to work -- not to have fun. However, your work should be tolerable; if anything, you should enjoy it at least a little. We spend most of our waking hours in the office. Doing something you detest for 40 or more hours a week translates to pure agony -- at least it would for me. One other important factor to consider: Do you su...

As noble as it is to say that "only the inside counts" -- something parents try to inculcate in their kids from an early age -- research in the field of psychology has disproven this notion time and time again. People regarded as physically attractive have a number of advantages over others, such as: Being treated better at work Being deemed more intelligent and successful in life Receiving more favorable treatment by juries in court Being judged as more sincere Being regarded as more adept at activities/hobbies like sports and music When you think about it, it almost seems unjust that a person could get so many "free passes" in life by virtue of their good looks.  To be fair, though, while good genes probably play a role, it's likely that these individuals put some effort into looking this good -- from working out to spending more hours than the average person getting dressed in the morning. Still, attractiveness exerts a powerful influence o...

Quote of the Day - How to Understand People Today's quote comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), an American lecturer, poet, and essayist who championed individualism and played a central role in the Transcendentalist movement of the mid-19th century. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson Even though Emerson lived in the 1800s, I feel this quote is still quite relevant in today's world. When he says "the world," he is really referring to society as a whole, which often pressures us to live up to certain expectations. There's always going to be something about you that people take issue with. This might include the fact you're: A virgin Not into drinking, smoking, drugs, or other substances Not married Child-free (and may never plan to have any children) Shy or introverted In a non-traditional, low-paying field (teaching, etc.) Of a...

Thanks to Kim Kardashian's well-publicized derriere and recent songs courtesy of Nicki Minaj ("Anaconda") and Meghan Trainor ("All About That Bass"), it seems big butts are all the rage these days. But why? Is this a burgeoning movement to convey that a little more junk in the trunk is attractive? Or is it part of an even broader appeal aiming to convince people that curves and a little more meat on the bones is sexy? It seems lately that there's a different story in the news each month about a plus-sized model being showcased in some well-known calendar or magazine. Perhaps this is a sign that society is finally letting go of the notion that a woman isn't attractive unless she's anorexic or very skinny. To think that this has endured for so long is simply mind-boggling. Even when I was in elementary school, I was already eying the most developed girls with the largest assets. Since then, I've maintained my preference for voluptuous wom...

This one will require some serious thought, so hold on to your pants, folks: If you were stranded on an island with no one other than a fairly attractive member of the opposite sex as a result of an unfortunate plane crash and were aware that the chances of you both ever getting off the island were slim to none, do you think you might eventually become physically and emotionally intimate with that person? The scenario described above is reminiscent of the movie "Cast Away" featuring Tom Hanks, except that in this case the chances of ever making it back home are virtually nil. I know that this is a tough one, especially for those who have a spouse and children. Note that we're assuming the following: Friends and family haven't heard from you in a while, and many have assumed you've died You have no access to phones, and there's no way of reaching out to anyone else on the island You and the other person have enough food and water to tide you over f...

When a person says "He/she is hot," others might assume this individual is digging someone's six pack or long legs. But hotness doesn't always have to translate to good looks alone. One person's definition of "hot" may be completely different than someone else's. When I say a woman is hot, yes, I might be referring to her dazzling appearance. But I may also be describing her as such because she is self-confident or intelligent -- two qualities that, in my view, greatly enhance a woman's overall appeal. To me, a woman who has long, shiny hair is hot, as is the kind who wears glasses and embraces the librarian look. My point is that society and the media make hotness to be all about big boobs and biceps. This couldn't be further from the truth. After all, we mustn't forget that looks fade -- eventually, we all get those pesky wrinkles and a little flab in quite a few places. That said, when contemplating what makes a person "...

Okay, time to put those of you who say "looks don't matter" to the test! Would you go out with someone who is chubby? Slightly overweight? Fat? Believe it or not, though they're a rare breed, there are people out there who prefer plus-set partners -- the ones with more meat on the bones. And I'm proud to say I'm one of them. Whether you want to call me a chubby chaser or BBW (big beautiful women) lover, all the girls I've gravitated toward in my life have either been voluptuous or overweight. I have always been attracted to curvy women with big breasts and behinds. I don't know what caused me to turn out this way. I think genetics might have something to do with it. After my dad and mom got divorced, the women he dated from then on were on the chubby/fat side. In addition, I, myself, have suffered from bouts of weight gain throughout my life. I was teased about my weight in elementary school, which prompted me to shed quite a few pounds and t...

Are you different from most of your friends or family members in some way? Is there anything about you that goes against societal norms or expectations? I am happy to say that some of my interests and personality traits go against the grain, so to speak. As a result, I sometimes find myself at odds with people when it comes to planning a night out or deciding whether to partake in certain activities. Why would I be proud of this? Because they make me who I am, and I am not ashamed of it. There can only be one you in this world, and there's no reason to apologize for having views or interests that don't align with those held by people around you. Here are some ways in which I am a little different: I am an introvert: While most people find a night of drinking and chatter with countless people to be fun, I'm happy staying home with a good book and blogging away. Too much social interaction depletes my energy reserves; I need time alone in a quiet environment to r...

My wife and I went to a family get together at her parents' house last night, where one of her brothers and two of her sisters-in-law got completely wasted. Her family knows full well that neither my wife nor I drink. It's not as if I've never tried. I've tasted a slew of drinks and have found all of them, with exception to the fruity daiquiri, to be almost intolerable. I simply lack the taste buds for alcohol. As for my wife, she likes only a couple of drinks, but for the most part refrains from drinking as well. As you can expect, this doesn't exactly sit well with them. For years now, they've made every attempt to get us to take a few sips at every gathering. The pressure to drink last night was more palpable than usual, ostensibly in light of the fact that my wife and I are now married and I am "part of the family." I fret at the pressure society puts on people to conform to what everyone else in the group does. When it comes to drinking, I t...

I realize this isn't the first time I've written on this topic, but it's something that continues to boggle my mind more and more with each passing day. Why does society pressure us so much into following a certain course of action -- that is, the route everyone else has taken? Just the other day, my coworker heard me saying I wanted to get a cat instead of a dog and gave me a 10-minute spiel on why getting a dog is the right choice. A mom of two, she based her argument on the assumption that my wife and I will have kids someday, and so she gave me her "mommy perspective." It's astonishing how people just assume things this way. Most people think everyone aims for the big-house-with-white-picket-fence-plus-three-kids--and-two-dogs deal, but that just isn't always the case. In addition to wanting a cat instead of a dog, here are a few other ways I might be going against the grain: I want to buy a condo, not a house (cheaper and less maintenance) I...