Men don't do this enough -- and it's a problem

Even amongst my closest male friends, I've noticed something of a pattern:

Men generally don't like to talk about their problems.

I recently wrote to a friend who uncharacteristically forgot my birthday this year. To my surprise, he told me he'd had surgery and had been in recovery for two weeks.

He didn't seem inclined to talk much about it; in fact, he didn't even disclose what kind of surgery he'd had.

I'm in a similar boat with yet another male friend, who recently broke up with his fiancée of three years and has been scant on details.

This despite the fact that I, as a man, have been transparent with them about my health and relationship woes in the past.

I understand not everyone is at the same comfort level when it comes to divulging personal information, even to close friends.

But these very men have a tendency to pry into the affairs of others. They may ask questions of me that they wouldn't answer themselves if it were the other way around.

So why are some men so reluctant to get in touch with their emotions?

Perhaps they've been conditioned by society to behave this way, fearing that if they discuss their feelings and concerns openly, they will appear weak, unable to conquer their demons.

Or, it may be that they do open up to certain women in their life -- their moms, partners -- but feel awkward doing the same with men.

This brings to mind the stereotype that men are never to cry, for it runs counter to the social imperative to remain strong, manly, in control of his emotions.

If you ask me, it's all bunk.

Men are still emotional creatures, even though they're painted as being far less so -- and more logical -- than their female counterparts.

Men shouldn't fear that putting their feelings on the table will emasculate them. If anything, may very well avert serious emotional damage down the road -- for keeping our feelings bottled up, no matter one's gender, can ultimately produce adverse health impacts: sadness at best and depression at worst.

Going back to the two down-on-their-luck friends, I really wish that I could do more to help them, but it's virtually impossible when they choose to put up an emotional wall.

If anything, this has taught me to reassess not whether I should discuss my feelings with others, but to whom. If certain male friends are unwilling to volunteer information that will allow me to help them, why should I do it for them?

Friendships are a two-way street. If someone doesn't wish to talk candidly about whatever is troubling them, it may lead the other person to assume trust in the relationship isn't mutual.

For any of you guys going through tough times, please don't be hesitant to confide in your male comrades. More likely than not, they feel a genuine urge to help you, but they won't be able to unless you spill the beans.

But if you insist on keeping certain things confidential, it's only fair you respect your friend's need for privacy as well when they themselves have hit a rough patch.

Men who are forthright about their feelings aren't girly or overly sensitive -- they're human.

Women vs. Men: Who likes to backstab more?

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