People who try to bring you down may not realize it, but they're already below you . A good person doesn't hold grudges, seek retribution, or try to make others' lives miserable. They try to talk things through. They strive to clear the air and reach a consensus, effectively getting rid of any bad blood between both parties.  If you've made an attempt to mend fences but the other person refuses, not only are they sabotaging the relationship, but themselves. Holding on to bitter resentment will only trap him or her in a vicious cycle of negativity that will be very difficult to break free of.  And when people harbor negative feelings toward others, it is often a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Whether they're upset that they didn't get the promotion at work or despondent over their relationship woes, they project onto others the disappointment they feel with themselves for falling short of their goals.  Never let the way others trea...

It's easy to see the many ways that relationships -- whether with friends, family members, coworkers, or significant others -- add value to our life. In a healthy relationship, both individuals give and receive love, affection, kindness, compassion, advice, and support. Both invest the time and energy to make the other feel special and acknowledged. Neither takes the other for granted or bolts at the first sign of trouble, whether in the relationship or outside of it. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is suffused with negativity and riddled with conflict. Distrust snowballs into deep resentment. Lying, lambasting, and lashing out become par for the course. While occasional arguments are normal in a relationship and can be beneficial in the sense that both people learn to work toward achieving common ground, too much fighting can escalate to the point where (1) both individuals are at each other's throats (2) they grow so disillusioned that they stop caring altoge...

One of the surest ways to have people to step all over you is to always wear your heart on your sleeve and not think things through rationally. Some people go to great lengths to avoid conflict and confrontation -- so much so that they'll acquiesce to others' every desire. Being too much of a people pleaser, ironically, will hurt you in the end -- the exact scenario you're aiming to avoid in the first place --because someone will eventually exploit your generous nature to get as much out of you as they can. Yes, you should try to do favors for others and lend a hand when it's needed. But you shouldn't be afraid to say no to someone for fear of disappointing them or causing a rift in the relationship. A relationship built on fear is no relationship at all. If something so minute can lead to tensions in the relationship, it begs the question: Is this the kind of person you want to be around? You can be nice without being a doormat. It may sound counterintu...

Let's face it: Some people would rather argue or cut contact with you than actually make an attempt to clear the air. They'd prefer to hold grudges than work to resolve conflict. Perhaps they were in the wrong and refuse to say sorry. Or, you were at fault and have already apologized, but they persist in giving you the cold shoulder. Most likely, the individual is either (1) immature (2) resentful of something you have that he or she doesn't and wants to spread the misery (3) upset over other personal issues and taking it out on you. At any rate, a person who is that intransigent has to have a deep sense of pride. They want to win, and taking any sort of conciliatory posture in their book smacks of backing down, so they refuse to change. But you know something? One of the most admirable qualities one can possess is humility. Those who refuse to meet in the middle will have a hard time keeping friends and romantic partners. Who wants to be around someone so arrog...

You're probably thinking, "This guy has lost his mind. Why in the world would getting mad at people be pointless?" Fair question. Of course, there are situations where being mad at people is justified: The guy who stole your car, the customer service rep who accidentally billed you $500 more than she should have, the employer who failed to let you know they'd decided to go with a different candidate for the position you'd set your sights on.  But let's face it: sometimes we get mad at friends or relatives over the most trivial matters. We let our emotions get the best of us, an argument ensues, and one or both of us is left reeling. You may not talk to each other for a while, if ever again.  What many people fail to realize is that people are powerless unless we react react to their behavior.  By showing you're mad, you're essentially conveying that you care -- at least enough to get your emotions involved. Eleanor Roosevelt once said...

If you were to come up with one word to describe your ideal life, what would it be? If several come to mind, try to winnow them down to the one word that best captures what you would consider the perfect life. Words like "rich" and "wealthy" didn't even cross my mind, for I am the farthest thing from materialistic. I think the best things in life tend to be free -- love, knowledge, laughter, companionship. For me, no word encapsulates the ideal life quite like simple . A self-proclaimed minimalist, I try to reduce as much clutter in my life -- both mental and physical -- as I possibly can. I respect those who find great fulfillment in owning the biggest houses, roomiest cars, and shiniest baubles. But that's just not me. I am much easier to please, finding satisfaction in the simplest things -- like reading a great book, taking a relaxing walk around the park, or watching an interesting documentary on TV. You're probably wondering whether ...

One of the surest ways to get hurt by other people is by getting emotional over every little thing they say and do . But you should never do this! I realize that human beings have feelings and emotions that they can't simply trap in a bottle. However, you can prevent getting hurt by approaching things in a more rational manner. When you feel deeply affected by someone's words or actions, stop and ask yourself the following: Why has what this individual said or done affected me so much? Is it really worth letting this individual change my mood? In what ways can I prevent myself from investing my emotions in this person? Far too often, we let other people have their way with our emotions. Luckily, there's a way to prevent such a scenario, and that's by taking a more rational stance as I've suggested above.  Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a recipe for heartbreak. If you must express your emotions, try to do in private if at all possible. The rea...

Have you ever noticed that the words "listen" and "silent" are spelled with the same exact letters? It's fitting that they'd be composed of the same letters considering that you need to remain silent -- if momentarily -- in order to listen to others. Alas, there are far too many Donald Trumps in the world who run their mouths but never stop to listen to what others have to say. If more people stopped and listened, there would be far less conflict in the world. You can be self-confident without being strident and brash. You can get your point across without interrupting others. I've advocated for standing up for oneself, but never have I said that you need to be loud and obnoxious to achieve this. I wish that people would leave their egos at the door and understand that communication is a two-way street. A conversation where one person is hardly allowed to talk isn't much of a conversation at all. Remember the saying "Do unto others as ...

In life, you can mourn the loss of a friend in two ways: 1. He or she passes away 2. He or she becomes a completely different person over time, diluting and possibly ending your once-fantastic friendship. (The friendship may also end as a result of simmering conflict or following a big argument between you two.) For this post, I'll focus only on #2. As I have noted in prior posts, with people, the only constant in life is change. Changing circumstances -- a new career, marriage, children, relocation -- redirect our energies and either leave us with limited time for friendships or prompt us to forge new ones. People like me, despite whatever life throws at us, make the effort to keep in touch with close friends. I'd like to think that I haven't changed much since high school, except for the obvious (married, full time job, mortgage, etc.). Unfortunately, some people are better than others at balancing the demands of work, family, and a social life. Several people ...

There's a girl I work with (let's call her Ana) who loves chatting up Cindy, my cubicle neighbor. Though Cindy is about 15 years Ana's senior, you'd think the two are best friends upon hearing them converse. They can blather on for hours about everything from food and children to the usual workplace gossip. Today, my department had a holiday lunch at a nearby restaurant. Ana, a male coworker named Andy, and I carpooled to the restaurant. On the way there, Ana began dishing about Cindy and some of the other women in the department. She commented on everything from their dressing habits to their rather "old school" perspectives, as she put them, on life. (Mind you, these women are in their 50s and 60s.) You might be thinking, "Poor Cindy. She probably doesn't deserve that." But Cindy herself has been known to talk behind others' backs, so, as I see it, she's getting a taste of her own medicine. This goes to show you that backstabbers ...