Which of these do you find to be more intense: the pressure to get married or to have kids? I find it to be the latter. For one, I've observed that couples are having kids out of wedlock at an unprecedented rate, and society no longer frowns upon this like before. Decades ago, it was assumed that everyone "grew up" and joined the ranks of adulthood in a decidedly linear fashion: fall in love, get married, have kids. While some people still follow this pattern, others aren't. In fact, I know at least 10 people -- friends and relatives alike -- who had kids before tying the knot. So long as they eventually get married, society seems to give these people a free pass. That's not the case with couples who put off having kids or decide not to have any at all. Perhaps the reason for this is that people figure that while you can get married anytime you want -- even in your 90s -- women have a limited time window within which they can have kids. So once they reac...

I'm in a stage of my life where I am having trouble relating to some of my friends and family. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but at certain times it makes for a little awkwardness. My wife and I got married close to a year ago. We don't have kids, and we don't drink. That last sentence tells the whole story. By neither having kids nor the interest to drink, you can build a clear divide between yourself and many of those closest to you. I've noticed that people who have kids tend to drink. Some of those people admit that drinking helps them deal with the stress that children, married life, and their jobs bring. I've also observed that those things I'm deeply interested in (reading, writing, museum hopping, movies) either don't appeal to these people or they just don't have the time for them. As you've probably noticed from earlier posts, I am still ambivalent as to whether I want to have kids. Even if I decide to have one, I still wo...

I'm still on the fence as to whether I want to have kids, but one thing I've observed about friends and relatives with children that deters me is that their whole identity seems to revolve around their little ones. Do I want that to happen to me? Not sure. I've seen how all-consuming having children can be. My sisters and closest friend, all of whom have one child, seem worn out, their social lives having bit the dust a long time ago. Most parents say things eventually get better, and that somehow you adapt. But it's obvious that having children presents a slew of opportunity costs, including not being able to go out as much and whenever you like, having less money, forgoing quietness and solitude, not being able to sleep in, and so on. What's more, it seems that once you have a baby, your identity becomes wrapped around parenthood -- now you're not John Doe, but John Doe Jr.'s dad. Those who loved and watched sports pre-kids can hardly keep up with th...