Does having kids mean losing your identity?

I'm still on the fence as to whether I want to have kids, but one thing I've observed about friends and relatives with children that deters me is that their whole identity seems to revolve around their little ones. Do I want that to happen to me? Not sure.

I've seen how all-consuming having children can be. My sisters and closest friend, all of whom have one child, seem worn out, their social lives having bit the dust a long time ago.

Most parents say things eventually get better, and that somehow you adapt. But it's obvious that having children presents a slew of opportunity costs, including not being able to go out as much and whenever you like, having less money, forgoing quietness and solitude, not being able to sleep in, and so on.

What's more, it seems that once you have a baby, your identity becomes wrapped around parenthood -- now you're not John Doe, but John Doe Jr.'s dad. Those who loved and watched sports pre-kids can hardly keep up with the standings; those who always followed the latest trends in fashion and music just seem out of the loop now.

Whenever I am invited to kids' parties, I feel extremely out of place. Parents like to congregate and coo over each other's children, making the child free feel rather awkward. Since parents and the child free are at different stages of their lives, they can have a hard time relating to one another.

From what I've heard and read, being a parent can be the most difficult if rewarding experience one can ever have. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to give up my simple life, while other times I have the urge to have my own progeny.

Thoughts?

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