Do you sense that you and a close friend have been drifting apart? Maybe you only connect via text or FaceTime on birthdays and other special occasions whereas before your spouses had to beg each of you to get off the phone every day. Or, perhaps you met up for lunch once a week and now you're lucky if you can convene once a year. Take heart: It happens in many a friendship. What truly puts friendships to the test is when both people find themselves in different stages of life. Or, they can be in the same stage of life and just be too preoccupied to attend to one another like they did in the heyday of the friendship. This can include one or both individuals: Getting a new (and more demanding) job.  Moving to a different city.  Making new friends.  Hooking up with/marrying someone. Having children. Taking up new hobbies and interests. As people get older, their priorities do change, which leaves less time for friendships. But in the strongest f...

When you always try to please others, some of them come to expect it and may develop a knack for taking you for granted. Before you know it, one favor becomes two, or three. You're lending people money even though it may cause you some financial distress. You're giving others rides even though you have your own errands to run. We all like helping others because not only does it feel good, but many of those people have been there to get us out of jams as well. But there comes a point where we simply have to learn to say "no." We can't always put others' needs and wants before our own. We have to remember that we're entitled to happiness just as much as our family, friends, and colleagues are. We have our own set of problems and priorities to deal with. It is, after all, our lives. Being a good person means being there for others when they really need you. It doesn't mean being at their beck and call, especially when it concerns trivial matte...

Relationships go down the road to ruin without a willingness on the part of both partners -- not just one -- to do the following six things: Invest time in the relationship Invest energy in the relationship  Communicate their concerns and address any areas where they feel there is room for improvement  Remain transparent  Love and trust one another  Be understanding rather than judgmental  A relationship is like a car in that it requires routine maintenance. What would happen if you were to stop changing the oil and rotating the tires? It would cease to work properly, right?  The same logic applies to a relationship.  And here's the thing: When a car starts giving you problems, you don't immediately go out and get a new one. Similarly, you shouldn't pull the plug on a relationship without making the effort to resolve whatever problems the two of you are facing. Ending a relationship prematurely would mean giving up on somethin...

You should never have to beg other people for anything -- whether it be their love, time, guidance, or affection. If it doesn't come from their heart, why should you have to force them to be more responsive to your needs? A good friend, partner, or relative is there for you with open arms when you need them. They don't have to be prodded repeatedly into lending a hand because they jump into action at a moment's notice. They don't make excuses for why they can't help you out. Instead, they go the extra mile for you, even if it's an inconvenience for them. Sure, there may be times where people might not be of much help because of special circumstances -- they're traveling, they're overwhelmed at work, they're at a special family function. But if this individual seems to run for the hills anytime you wish to see them or you need a favor, it raises serious questions: 1. What are they trying to get out of the friendship/relationship? 2. Ar...

You should never be afraid to lose people -- whether close friends or mere acquaintances -- if keeping them in your life means losing yourself in the process. And how might you lose yourself? You can lose your self-identity by (1) changing yourself to appease them (2) doing everything in your power to please them while neglecting your own needs and wants. Sure, in any relationship, a little flexibility -- some give and take, if you will -- is to be expected. Sometimes you may accede to the other's wishes as far as where to go and what to do. Maybe your friend has kids and you don't, which necessitates planning outings around their busy schedule. But a line needs to be drawn somewhere. If you find yourself making concession after concession while the other person refuses to meet you halfway on anything, let's call the relationship what it really is -- one-sided. Unfortunately, some people become a little too complacent, expecting the other person to always bend...

They say the only constant in life is change, and people are certainly no exception to that maxim. Partners, friends, relatives, coworkers, acquaintances -- they evolve, for better or worse. Wishing things could revert to how they used to be in any given relationship sets one up for major disappointment. The fact of the matter is that you may have a friend who's very different today from how she was in, say, 2012. Shifting priorities, new experiences, and changing views each play a role in our evolution as people. Unfortunately, such changes can be detrimental to a relationship. Your friend gets married or starts a family and forgets you exist. Your boyfriend has to relocate for his job and now you hardly hear from his anymore. Your closest cousin is hanging out with a different crowd and no longer seems like the person you grew up with. It's understandable that such life events would make people less available. Gone are the days when you could arrange outings on ...

Some of our friends and relatives have gotten in the annoying habit of arranging birthday parties and other special occasions for Sunday afternoons. This past week, my wife's sister in law invited us to her son's birthday party, which is scheduled for Sunday afternoon at 3 p.m. It's easy to see why Sunday outings don't always sit well with everyone, let alone those that don't begin until the late afternoon. Many people leave their errands for Sundays. Others consider it a "family day" to spend with their kids. Still others, like my wife and I, reserve Sundays for rest and relaxation. And then there are folks who go to sleep at 9 p.m. or earlier. Of course, the main reason why people take issue with Sunday get-togethers is the fact that they have to go to work the next day. If the party ends at 8 p.m., that leaves you with little time to do much once you get home. You might grab something to nosh on, shower, and watch a little TV, but before you...

When I consider my closest friendships, I always ask one thing:  Would we have clicked in the same way had we met a year later?  Five years later? Ten years after? Chances are, we would not. The reasons why we gel more with certain people are almost self-explanatory. In general, most of our friends are close to us in age. It's not at all surprising given we probably met them in school or doing some activity that people in our age bracket might enjoy. I met my closest friends in different stages of my life: one in elementary school, one in middle school, one in high school, one in college, and one at my second job out of college. Three of them are single guys with no kids, while the other two -- the best man at my wedding and a female coworker I recently addressed in a prior post -- are married with children. Can you guess which of these friends I see and talk to more? Indeed, my friendships with these two latter friends has changed drastically since they became p...