I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters.  Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect.  And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them.  However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway).  Granted, if you're not lookin...

Do you get multiple requests from people daily, whether from coworkers or friends? Does it necessitate dropping what you're doing and tending to their needs? Do you find yourself unable to keep up with such demands? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, read on for some important tips that may very well turn your life around for the better. How you probably got here   I can venture a guess as to what's keeping you locked in this vicious cycle: You find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to say NO.  Let's face it: The vast majority of us are kind-hearted folks with an inclination to help others. The problem is that the more we say YES, the more people will come to expect it. This, in turn, creates fertile ground for being taken advantage of.  So what exactly does being taken advantage of mean? Well, it signals that your wants, needs, and feelings are being entirely ignored in service of pleasing someone else. Your time doesn't matter. Any poten...

We were all taught back in grade school that we ought to treat others with the same level of respect that we expect in return. Or so I thought. Sadly, some of today's adults were either absent when the lesson was taught, or it fell entirely on deaf ears. I've run across many people -- whether in school, the workplace, or elsewhere -- who think this so-called Golden Rule doesn't apply to them. They believe they have agency to treat others like dirt -- all while expecting those very people to shower them with kindness and civility.  This plays out all the time at work with toxic bosses who go on unrestrained power trips. They think that just because they possess the ability to fire their subordinates, they should be groveled to. In their minds, expletives are fair game and borderline abusive behavior is permissible.  A similar dynamic can be observed in some relationships. Whether it's because they're better looking, far wealthier, or more socially connected, some ind...

Steer clear of those who fail to reciprocate the kindness and respect you grant them. Perhaps you've given them ample opportunities to clean up their act, to no avail. Maybe you've held out this long because you saw potential in the relationship or anticipated they might change. Or perhaps relations only recently broke down.  The fact of the matter is that everyone deserves to be treated in a kind, gracious matter.  The whole point of being in a relationship -- whether friendly or romantic -- is to experience/exchange love, warmth, loyalty, and respect. If the relationship is devoid of these, there's really no point to it.  If you're not being treated fairly, you have to question why. If it's something you did, presumably you issued an apology at some point that was accepted. He or she could have very well kicked you out of their life at that point rather than string you along as a form of retribution. And if you've done nothing wrong, perhaps you're being t...

It sounds counterintuitive, right? As we approach Thanksgiving, we aim to be thankful for the wonderful folks in our lives The ones who are there for us when we need them. The ones who lift us when we hit rock bottom emotionally. So you might be wondering why in the world I'm suggesting we should be grateful for the naysayers, the toxic folks, the unredeemable narcissists.  Well, if we didn't have people like this in our lives, we would never come to appreciate those who embody the exact opposite qualities -- decency, respect, humility, and integrity, among others. That isn't to say that you should keep these folks in your life unnecessarily. Sometimes we need to put up with them for a job (the tyrannical boss) or for someone else's sake (the meddling in-laws).  But when someone is that unpleasant, it's easy to draw a contrast between them and the individuals you've come to respect and admire, e.g., sweet Sue in human resources or your boyfriend's caring cou...

It's normal to put yourself first every now and then. After all, if we constantly bend over for everyone but ourselves -- the demanding boss, the friend who's always broke -- our well-being will eventually take a major nosedive.  The people we have to be especially wary of the ones who take, take, take -- but never give back. Relationships are about scratching each other's back. But this doesn't necessarily mean they always have to be 50/50.  There will be times where one person is more in need than the other, whether they're struck with an unexpected illness, they lose a loved one, or they get fired from work.  We all have to contend with adversity at different points in our lives, and we often turn to friends and family for support.  But what if they fail to accommodate you even after we've been there for them countless times? It should be an indication that they're in it for themselves. I can understand their not being able to lend you money each and ever...

"You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served." The above is one of my all-time favorites because it perfectly encapsulates one of the primary reasons relationships go awry. I've lost track of the many times I've held on to a relationship for far too long in hopes that the individual would come to respect me and value everything I brought to the table.  Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Here are just a few examples of ways people demonstrate they possess no respect for you: They cheat on you. They lie, and lie, and lie some more. They take you for granted. They stab you in the back.  They're abusive, whether physically or emotionally. They fail to value your point of view.  One thing is to feel genuine remorse for one's actions. But some of these individuals are cognizant that what they're doing is wrong and yet they persist in their unbecoming behavior. Sadly, most of these people will never change. Their declaratio...

Your toxic boss treats you with visible disdain, but you can't quite put your finger on why given you're a hard-working, dedicated employee. The end to the honeymoon phase of your relationship has ushered in a transformed boyfriend of yours who suddenly seems to take you for granted. Dissatisfied with his own life, your friend tries to project onto you the misery he's experiencing, constantly lashing out and accusing you of wrongdoing. For far too many of us, a common thread runs through each of these scenarios: Not knowing what to do and afraid of losing our job or jeoparding the relationship, we just bite the bullet and press on.  But we can't live in constant fear. We cannot allow other people to run over us like an 18-wheeler does a plastic bottle.  You can stand up for yourself in a civil, if firm, manner, sans name-calling and expletives. Even if you sense some hostility building up on the other end, do not gift them the satisfaction of seeing you brought to their...

More likely than not, there is at least one toxic individual in your life whom you're forced to deal with in order to sustain a job or relationship.  Maybe it's your overbearing boss, meddling father-in-law, or a friend's implacable spouse. As I've noted in earlier posts, you're always at liberty to terminate said job or relationship if you find it becomes intolerable, threatening your health and well-being.  Before taking such a drastic step, though, there's always the option to sit down with the person (and maybe you want a co-worker, your partner, or friend there as a buffer) to try to ameliorate the situation.  But let's assume for the sake of argument that you want to do your best to play nice and not rock the boat too much.  Perhaps you've only just begun that job, or you recognize employers in your industry just aren't hiring at the moment. Or you may care so deeply about your partner or friend that you're willing to put up with that pest ...

Here's one important tip to remember when navigating the vagaries of human relationships: You don't have to choose between being kind and drawing boundaries. Both can be done simultaneously. In other words, you can be courteous without permitting others to step over you. You can be firm without launching into an expletive-laced tirade. Unfortunately, some people struggle to walk this fine line. They can't help but vacillate between outright rage and saccharine kindness. You'venbecause a person likes you doesn't mean they respect you. And if you never stand up for yourself -- in a diplomatic manner, of course -- they'll just assume they can get away with everything and anything. This extends to all relationships in your life -- your marriage, your friendships, and your work relationships included. Now, standing up for yourself doesn't have to mean engaging someone in a fight, whether of the verbal or fist variety. In fact, merely walking aw...

Depriving a relationship of openness and communication is like depriving a plant of water and sunlight; sooner or later, it'll shrivel and die. Many couples have experienced this firsthand. Rather than putting it all on the table (albeit in a civil, non-confrontational way), they either keep their feelings bottled up or resort to more damaging measures, like hurling insults, ghosting, or even cheating on one another. You know for sure that something has gone awry when coming together to discuss your feelings and concerns actually widens the divide between the two of you, leading to more bickering and finger-pointing. You each walk away feeling deeper resentment rather than calm reassurance that things are on the mend. Rather than respecting your partner in spite of their imperfections, things that never bothered you before drive you batty. Moreover, you look for reasons not to be around one another, essentially rendering you both strangers (if not enemies). Frank co...

If you expect people to think and act like you, I regret to inform you that those expectations are unlikely to be met! Of course, you do have control over the company you keep. If you want your friends to be liberal baseball fans like you who advocate for the environment, you can make a conscious effort to surround yourself with such folks. And it's only natural to expect others to share common values like loyalty, decency, and respect. Otherwise, why bother keeping them around? But even like-minded people -- from your partner to your closest friends -- won't approach every situation as you would. For example, just because your hubby proposes a markedly different solution to a problem than you would, i.e., how to tackle your kid's poor math grades, should not be taken to mean your suggestion is wrong. Similarly, just because your wife doesn't display affection in the ways you would -- or as often -- doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Neither pers...

If someone in your life has a tendency to push you around, it's time to stand firm. It doesn't matter whether it's your partner, friend, sibling, or co-worker. No one deserves to be treated that way. The sad truth is that bullying isn't limited to adolescents who make fun of other kids' weight or beleaguer them for lunch money. Adults, too, can manipulate and take advantage of people in their orbit. One surefire way for things to reach this point  is by allowing people to perceive you as a pushover. Once they see you as someone they can run roughshod over, they'll carry on until you put a stop to such distasteful behavior. So, you're likely asking how you can tackle the problem. I always advise people to try to have an honest conversation in private first. You never know if the person harbors ill will toward you because of a misunderstanding, a false rumor, or a mistaken first impression. In that conversation, it's important to driv...

If there's something you should never permit in a relationship, it's for someone to trifle with your emotions. Whether you've known them for two days or two decades, whether they've apologized profusely or not even once, your feelings should be considered and respected. If your boyfriend vows he'll never cheat on you again but you discover him canoodling with other women -- whether on social media or in person -- on multiple occasions, he is making a mockery of your feelings. If your friend asserts that she only has the nicest things to say to other people about you but you receive word that she has made talking behind your back a pastime, she is little more than a wolf in sheep's clothing. Sadly, these opportunists will use every manner of flattery to reel you in. They may profess feelings of love and warmth, but beneath the surface they're up to no good. And, to make matters worse, they do such a good job at carrying on with the charade that yo...

Have you ever been in a relationship devoid of trust? Did it ultimately break down because you simply couldn't confide in your partner? When trust evaporates in a relationship, it becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- to restore. Trust is as integral to a relationship as honesty, love, communication, kindness, and loyalty.  Trusting the other person is our decision, but it is their choice to value our trust and demonstrate that they're deserving of it. If you have to play detective in your relationship, then the trust just isn't there. If you have to second-guess their every move because they keep you on edge all the time, trust is non-existent. It is at that point that one must do whatever is necessary to build or restore it, or simply call the relationship quits. Here are just some of the ways trust in a partner can cease to exist: They lie to us. This can take a host of forms (e.g., cheating, feigning their love, etc.)  They steal from us....

If someone apologizes but continues to make the same "mistake," that so-called mistake is really a conscious decision. From cheating to raising one's hand at their partner to bilking people out of their money, if a person claims they're sorry but there's little to no change in their behavior, they're being disingenuous. This is especially the case if they've made no efforts to curb said behavior (e.g., seeking counseling). If a person genuinely cared, they would never risk losing you by flat-out lying about their intentions. If anything, we'd respect them more for being honest about their inability to remain loyal or sober, and that might make us more inclined to help. For example, it might give way to a discussion on what they feel is lacking in the relationship. Or, they may shed light on whatever they feel is preventing them from laying off the booze. But it's wholly dishonest to make promises when you can't keep them. Thes...

Does anyone treat you like you're below them -- whether it's because they have a higher position, nicer car, or bigger house? Kick them to the curb. If a person is so shallow as to put physical objects before the things that really count -- friendship, love, respect, humility -- give them the boot. No one is above anyone else. A janitor is just as deserving of others' respect and kindness as a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. One's possessions say nothing of their character. While I'm not trying to begrudge them their success -- especially if they worked their butts off to get what they have -- it should never make people feel entitled. Who's to say that the garbage man or waitress hasn't gone through tremendous hardship in life preventing him or her from going to school and rising above their station? And who's to say they can't eventually reach that point if they truly commit themselves? Yet, not everyone yearns to be rich. They ma...

Isn't it terrible when someone you care about takes you for granted? It could be a partner, a friend, or even a relative who: Turns to you only when they need something Leaves you in the lurch when you're in a rough patch yourself Insists they will change, but they never do Seems to prioritize everyone in his or her life except you No matter how often you convey that you feel angry, hurt, and taken advantage of, they carry on with the behavior, assuming that you're going to stick around. Their reasoning is: If you haven't left already, why would you now? This is precisely the kind of mindset that causes so many relationships to go under. Some people expect the other person to do all the work, thinking that alone will sustain the relationship. Or, they may do a little here and there, but never commit themselves to the degree the other person is. Sooner or later, the person being taken for a ride gives up and moves on. In certain cases, the other in...

People who think they're right all the time and above others are a drain on our time and energy. There's something to be said for humility, which the dictionary defines as "freedom from pride or arrogance." In a world of people jockeying for power and prestige, those who own up to their mistakes and admit that they don't have all the answers are a breath of fresh air. Those who apologize, even when it kills them to do so, command others' respect. Indeed, individuals who try to project perfection are clearly showing they are anything but perfect, because all human beings are fallible. It just makes it that much worse when a person is in full denial about it. We may come across people like this in a variety of places. Maybe it's the know-it-all at work, the cocky weight trainer at the gym, or that immature cousin of ours who never acknowledges fault. Unless one is willing to get off his or her high horse and swallow that pride, they will continua...

In the last couple of months, a few of my readers have reached out to me seeking advice on how to cope with the fact that a relationship that once held great promise has imploded completely. They imagined themselves spending their entire lives with their partner, so coming to terms with the harsh reality that the individual didn't turn out as they expected and is no longer around has been immensely difficult.  They feel anxious, depressed, and lost. Despite the fact that they realize the person isn't right for them (as much as they wish they were), and that going their separate ways is for the best, a part of them clings to the hope that they can patch things up.  This prompts them to reach out to their ex against their better instincts. They keep looking for a sign -- one moment, one conversation -- to convince them that things are on the mend.  Alas, that sign never seems to come.  The more they talk, the more my readers seem to argue with the...