The worst thing you can let a toxic person do

More likely than not, there is at least one toxic individual in your life whom you're forced to deal with in order to sustain a job or relationship.

Maybe it's your overbearing boss, meddling father-in-law, or a friend's implacable spouse.

As I've noted in earlier posts, you're always at liberty to terminate said job or relationship if you find it becomes intolerable, threatening your health and well-being.

Before taking such a drastic step, though, there's always the option to sit down with the person (and maybe you want a co-worker, your partner, or friend there as a buffer) to try to ameliorate the situation.

But let's assume for the sake of argument that you want to do your best to play nice and not rock the boat too much.

Perhaps you've only just begun that job, or you recognize employers in your industry just aren't hiring at the moment. Or you may care so deeply about your partner or friend that you're willing to put up with that pest of an in-law or friend's spouse if it's the last thing you do.

Your mental fortitude (and dare I say, bravery) is commendable.

But there's an inherent risk in going down this road that I want to elucidate here.

You may find yourself stewing quite often over the toxic person's behavior given you've pledged to yourself or others that you will not rip them a new one, tempting as it may be.

You must guard against the impulse to turn toxic yourself.

This includes:

Directing your ire at fellow co-workers, your spouse, or your friend for not doing enough in your mind to help calm tensions.

Lashing out at unsuspecting people who happen to cross paths with you at the wrong time, from the mailman to the friendly cashier at the grocery store.

Allowing these individuals to diminish your quality of life by lessening your interest in relationships and hobbies.

The "play nice" approach may not be feasible over the long haul and, as mentioned earlier, you may have to push for a frank conversation to defuse the situation.

Otherwise, it's safe to say your job or relationship may be in serious peril. At that point, you may find that calling it quits may be your best and only option.

Indeed, we cannot allow toxic individuals to turn us into them. If we're not careful, we might find ourselves aping the very qualities we never thought we could embody -- rage, pessimism, selfishness, vindictiveness. We're better than that.

At the same time, we can't let them run roughshod over us. Hopefully, your co-workers, partner, or friend will come to your defense and do their part to help turn the temperature down.

If that fails, however, you have to decide whether you're truly willing to deal with such behavior long term.

No one deserves to be disrespected. There are boundaries people must adhere to in both professional and personal relationships.

And if you feel you're always getting the short end of the stick, with the respect and decency never being reciprocated, perhaps a life-altering decision is in order.

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How to Read People

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