As I've noted in prior posts, many people are regarded as shy, antisocial, or even weird just because they enjoy their own company. It doesn't matter that they make a genuine effort to interact with others. Because they're not constantly loud and seeking the spotlight -- and we see this happen all the time in the workplace -- they're labeled as awkward, secretive, and even stuck-up. And thanks to the press propagating the notion that all dangerous and mentally unstable people are loners, it has made the public fearful of anyone who comes across as reticent. What many people don't understand is that not everyone feels every thought that pops into their mind should be verbalized. Some of us simply like to observe and think through what we're going to say before opening our mouths. Introverts draw energy inward. After interacting with people for a good chunk of the day, they seek alone time in order to recharge their batteries. Such time allows them to ...

Can you guess what kind of person many people secretly fear? It's the one who neither needs nor expresses any interest in their validation. There's a reason quiet, unassuming people get lambasted all the time by their peers. It's because they -- at least the ones who refuse to give in to social pressure -- can't be bought or swayed into becoming shallow blabbermouths like themselves. Sure, many of these folks are cast in a negative light, with detractors going as far as to call them narcissists or sociopaths. But they could cast such aspersions until the cows come home. These individuals will not crack under pressure, no matter how hard they're pricked and prodded. The fact of the matter is that people loathe those who make them feel insecure. And the ones who make them feel that way couldn't care less about gaining their approval. It doesn't make them selfish or self-absorbed, as these people have friends and loved ones whom they hold in hig...

Many people assume that if someone is quiet and unassuming, they must either be antisocial or have low self-esteem. But this couldn't be farther from the truth. Unfortunately, those who make such baseless characterizations may assume that there's something about them that the quiet individual doesn't like. In other words, they take it personally. Or, since they know little about them, the easiest thing to do is fill in the gaps themselves and label the person however they please. This demonstrates that the ones passing judgment are either insecure, or they can't help but attribute negative qualities to the person before getting to know them. The truth of the matter is that some of us take a little longer to warm up than others do. In the case of a new job, we may need a few weeks before we feel comfortable enough in to socialize more (about non-work related matters, that is) with peers. Some of us are introverted. This doesn't mean we loathe people, but ...

Silence gets such a bad rap these days, and I don't know why. I've heard people say they loathe being in typically quiet settings -- say, libraries, churches, or local parks -- where it's so hushed in there that it totally unnerves them. I recently visited my alma mater's enormous library, which spans eight spacious floors. The sixth and seventh floors have been designated "quiet areas" where talking is all but forbidden. If someone on campus wishes to hear nothing but a pin drop while studying or working, they know to go to the library. It's my go-to place to get some reading done when I find myself too distracted at home. I only wish I had availed of it more when I was a student there. As an introvert, it's hardly a surprise that I relish silence. It helps me recharge my batteries after long days at work spent in meetings and alongside people around the office who just don't know when to zip it. Extroverts find silence off-putting bec...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

Where do you go to escape the day-to-day? What do you consider your refuge? Is a quiet park near your house? A bustling neighborhood pub where you meet up with loads of people? One's answer will depend on a bevy of factors, including personality, financial resources, hobbies, and so forth. I'm getting ready to go to the library in a couple of minutes, which I consider my hideaway -- my home away from home, if you will. At the library, I become one with books. I love devouring, smelling, and taking notes on them. In this age of Kindles and other electronic devices, I remain firmly ensconced in the traditional book camp. I have an office at home that includes myriad books, magazines, my computer, filing cabinet, and all the other essentials. As much as I try to do a lot of reading at home, I never seem to get very far. There are simply too many distractions in the vicinity, from my wife watching TV to dogs barking to my comfy bed calling out my name. Beyond that, ...

Many assume that if someone is alone, time must sit still -- that within a matter of minutes, he or she is probably bored out of his mind and itching to do something to make the clock move a little faster. Well, while this may be true for some, it certainly doesn't apply to those who actually relish their time alone. Why? Because if the person is alone, there's a high probability they're introverted and enjoy their own company. If that's so, there's no reason to think they'd want time to fly. Being introverted doesn't mean you're shy, antisocial, or snobbish. It means you draw energy inward. Peace, quiet, and solitude recharge you. You enjoy being deep in thought. Heavy social interaction leaves you exhausted. In reality, introverts have such rich imaginations that they can momentarily escape reality and live comfortably in their heads when the urge strikes. From debating the merits of climate change to picturing what life was like in the...

If you're quiet, you likely get plenty of flak from people around you. You're judged left and right just for keeping to yourself. Since people can't get you to open up as often as they'd like, they take the liberty of filling the gaps on their own. Some of them call you a snob, others say you're weird, and still others go so far as to label you antisocial. Saying you're introspective and that you think before you speak isn't good enough for them. Trying to explain that you're introverted -- that your energy is directed inward as opposed to an extrovert, whose energy is directed outward -- is a futile exercise. You tell them that too much social interaction leaves you drained, and that you can only recharge by spending time alone, but it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it feels like no one understands you. But I'm here to tell you one thing: I get you. I know what you're going through because I've been there. As a quiet, studio...

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put...

As I've pointed out in other posts, being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. When people wish to be alone, they usually do so deliberately, whereas being lonely tends to be an undesirable consequence of a particular event, like breaking up with your boyfriend, moving to a new city, etc. People can desire to be alone for a host of reasons: To clear their heads To gather their thoughts To recharge after a long day at work To read or pursue other solitary tasks in a quiet environment They're not in the mood to be around people, especially after someone has done something to disappoint them And many more... Unfortunately, sometimes society makes people who crave alone time out to be weirdos. They're constantly given labels like "antisocial" and "stuck-up." Oftentimes, these descriptors have no basis in reality. Many people -- especially the highly extroverted, who thrive on social interaction -- fail to understand tha...

As much as I would love for Donald Trump to change his obstreperous demeanor, I'd never expect him to. He probably likes the way he is and wouldn't change his personality for anyone. For that, he should be commended, even though he'll have no choice but to bring it down a few notches if he wishes to appear even remotely presidential. Just a few moments ago, I heard my boss and co-worker conversing about the times they did drugs when they were younger and sharing videos of people making fools of themselves. I'd love to tell them to change, but who am I to do so? They must like being that way. But just as I'm respectful toward others, I expect the same treatment in return. I can't stand it when people question why I'm a certain way. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why are you so calm?" "Why are you so focused?" The implication is that something should be changed or fixed. They're making "loud and talkative" out to be ...

...very crowded? My wife and I have hit up three Walt Disney World parks over the last couple of days (hence the reason you haven't seen me post new content lately!) and let me tell you: Never in my life have I seen or been in so crowded a place. It's mind-boggling how packed the Disney parks get, especially Magic Kingdom. You can't walk a few yards without bumping into someone. I realize this is perhaps the busiest time of year to visit in light of all the holiday shows they put on. But they'll have to do something to contain the number of people going into these parks. Otherwise, pushing and shoving will escalate into all-out brawls, and mad dashes to go on rides might devolve into stampedes where people get seriously injured. Maybe it's just me, but the police presence at Disney has seemed rather light. Perhaps the massive crowds are indicative of the fact that Disney has become too big for its own good. This brings me to my main point: I absolutely loath...

Many people use the words "alone" and "lonely" as if they mean the same thing, when in reality they don't. I wanted to address the key differences between both in what I hope will be a very illuminating post. The primary difference between these words is as follows: Being alone is done by choice, while loneliness is not sought by the individual. How many times have we said or heard someone say "I'd like to be alone." There are times when even the most extroverted among us seek solitude, whether it's to clear our heads, gather our thoughts following an unexpected breakup, or just relish some peace and quiet. On the other hand, feeling lonely is not something people typically aim for. Loneliness has a negative connotation to it because it reflects a yearning for someone else's company -- an unpleasant state we'd rather not be in. As I have mentioned in earlier entries, a person could actually feel lonelier in a group than by himse...

Have you noticed that we spend most of our time in noisy, busy settings? Whether it's the ruckus of children at home or the ceaseless chatter of coworkers in the office, it is reasonable to expect ample commotion whereever several people are gathered. That's why, every once in a while, I retreat to quiet environments where I can almost hear myself think. These oases of calm allow me to feel more relaxed and rejuvenated: 1. Church (not during mass): I like stopping by my local church for a prayer when I know I'll be the only one in there. My faith is an important part of my life, and sometimes I want to feel like it's only me and the man upstairs. 2. Park: Though expecting for a park to be completely empty is too much to ask for, I still appreciate the opportunity it affords me to enjoy some quiet time and commune with nature. 3. Library: By now, it should be no secret that I love writing, reading, and learning. What better place to do this than the library? In...

What's the key reason why Donald Trump mania is sweeping the nation? For one, the real estate mogul and Republican presidential candidate has a larger-than-life personality. Yes, he's arrogant. Yes, he's bombastic. Yes, he speaks his mind and doesn't apologize for it. You'd think this would be the recipe for a catastrophic campaign, but Donald Trump is leading in the polls -- and it isn't even close right now. Why has he had so much success? People credit him with being the only one with enough bravado to voice what's on his and every other candidate's mind. As an outsider from the world of business, he's appealed to people who are sick of politics getting in the way of progress on Capitol Hill. It goes without saying that Trump's flamboyance has allowed him to easily overshadow his more sedate opponents. Watching last night's debate, you got the feeling that guys like Rand Paul and Chris Christie strove to show that they, too, coul...

Now that my wife and I have gone on several double dates with friends and their partners over the years, I've come to the realization that double dating just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Personally, I prefer hanging out with my friends, sans partners. What I've noticed is that friends don't seem to act the same when in the presence of their partners. Many of them love serving up jokes when it's just us together, but when their partners are around, they hold back a bit. They try to be on their best behavior and come off as being wooden. It also natural for one to want to cater to his or her partner's whims. For example, I've noticed that, while on a double date, it's much more likely for the night to end early because my friend's girlfriend wants to get some sleep or go with my friend somewhere else. The more people you throw in the mix, the more political and watered down the outing becomes. Sometimes my friends become entirely differ...

I've had several people -- within the last month, actually -- tell me that being somewhere in utter silence makes them uneasy. It doesn't matter whether they're lying in bed, sitting in their car, or studying in the library. Some people can't stand complete silence, and it isn't long before they feel compelled to reach for their phone, a TV remote, or their cell phone to break the quietness. Frankly, this has me rather baffled to say the least. After being assaulted by the chatter of nosy co-workers all day at work, driving home with the radio off offers a welcome reprieve, as does holing up in a quiet room at home. Here are a few reasons people give for their aversion to overly quiet environments: They "hate to hear themselves think" When it's too quiet, they feel lonely They get bored They're just not used to that much silence Personally, being in a quiet setting helps me regain my energy. Too much noise and commotion stress me out, ...

Let's face it: The vast majority of people in the western world are extroverts -- they draw their energy outward and thrive on social interaction. We introverts, however, draw our energy inward and become heavily drained by too much social chatter. If introverts don't find a quiet room in which they can recharge, they simply cannot function properly. Maybe it's just me, but I find there to be more introverted men than women. Men generally seem more predisposed to rolling up their sleeves and getting down to business -- they aren't as emotionally-charged and talkative, I find. I have also noticed -- at least at the places I've worked -- that women are usually quicker than men to single out the "quiet one" in the office. "He is so quiet. Why doesn't he talk?" they might wonder. Though some guy may mention a thing or two in passing, it is the women who seem to harp on stuff like this. So, that begs the big question: Does it actually turn a...

When I compare what my personality was like growing up to what it is today, not much has changed. And that should come as no surprise. A study I read about recently concluded that our personalities don't change much after the 1st grade. Think about it: Once we hit the 1st grade -- that's around 7 years of age -- our personalities remain mostly fixed the rest of our lives. That means that if you were predisposed to being shy, quiet, angry, or aggressive then, there's a good chance you are the same way now. Even so, as we get older, our experiences help shape us into the person we are today, so I think it's a combination of genetics as well as our environment. Experiences not only make us wiser, but they help guide our future behavior. For example, taking karate in middle school may have made you bolder, being involved in a car accident while in high school may have made you more appreciative of life, and so on. The people we hang out with may also influence what ...

Society generally frowns upon those who keep to themselves. But just because someone is quiet doesn't mean he's stuck-up, indifferent, or harboring devious plans of some sort. On the contrary, quiet people are usually quite convivial once you get to know them. All it takes is breaking the ice and making the person feel comfortable enough to open up. I was a very quiet kid through my high school years, but finally came out of my shell when I started college. To this day, I can clam up while in the presence of a lot of people, especially those with whom I have nothing in common. People have to become more tolerant of others' personalities and resist the urge to categorize them in the absence of more information. For instance, people attempt to fill in the gaps by assuming that the quiet person must think she is superior to everyone else. In actuality, she may just be an introvert who thinks very carefully before speaking. Some people are more introspective than others and...