In relationships, there’s one pivotal factor that often goes unnoticed until it's too late. It’s not about communication, trust, or even love. While these are not unimportant, there’s something more fundamental that shapes the way we connect with our partners. This overlooked element can either strengthen the ties between you or cause subtle fissures that may widen over time. So, what is this game-changing factor? It’s emotional availability . Emotional availability is the ability to be present, to listen and respond to your partner’s feelings, and to share your own emotions in a healthy, honest way.  When both partners are emotionally available, they create a safe space for each other to express worries, desires, and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, reprisal, or rejection. This emotional connection is the foundation upon which intimacy, trust, and understanding can thrive. However, when one or both partners are emotionally unavailable, even the most loving relationships c...

Being the social creatures that we are, we all want people to like us. We all want to be in people's good graces. After all, it opens the door to new job or relationship possibilities, so why not?  The danger comes when you aim to impress someone to feel better about yourself -- when being "you" just isn't good enough. This creates the potential for losing your identity entirely in the process. Rather than living your most authentic life so that those who value you for who you are come along for the ride, you're bending over backwards to fit into the mold of how others want to perceive you. See the difference? For example, I know a great many people who aren't materialistic by nature, but they tote around expensive handbags and drive luxurious cars just so that they gain gain others' approval. Somewhere along the way, they bought into the misguided notion that projecting wealth will earn the respect of others, as if their positive feelings for fancy brand...

It isn't always easy to believe in ourselves. We can hit any number of roadblocks in life, often through no fault of our own, whether it's not meeting our dietary goals or landing that book contract as quickly as we like.  But as cliche as it sounds, patience and persistence are integral. If you don't feel deep down that you have what it takes to make it happen, you won't.  When you believe in yourself, everything the naysayers have told you -- that you can't do this, that you can't achieve that -- fades into oblivion.  When you believe in yourself, self-doubt gives way to self-confidence, propelling you to accomplish goals you never thought possible. When you believe in yourself, you stop telling yourself that every one except you is capable. You begin to accept that you're just as equipped -- if not more so -- to succeed.  When you believe in yourself, you cease proffering excuses for why you can't do something. You stop saying "I'll try....

Worrying never goes away completely, but it's on us to keep our concerns over the future at bay. Teens worry about what college will bring, especially if they plan to go out of state. Seniors worry over their will and making arrangements for when it's their time to go. Expectant parents are nervous about whether they'll be able to handle parenthood. Recently laid off employees feel angst over whether they have enough money to provide for their family while looking to snag another job. Our relationships, dreams, fears, goals-- not to mention the stage of life we find ourselves in -- each play a role in shaping the very worries that plague our minds. While it's imperative we keep our concerns under control so as to mitigate the anxiety that undoubtedly ensues, worries -- and a little pressure, for that matter -- aren't always bad. In fact, they may propel us to resolve problems and strive to achieve goals we might otherwise not pay much attention to....

So you've made mistakes in the past you're not entirely proud of. Maybe you cheated on a wonderful woman that you envisioned yourself marrying someday. Perhaps you passed on what seemed life a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity. Or maybe you told a good friend something you knew you couldn't take back once the words came out of your mouth, effectively ending that friendship. We've all had moments we wish we could redo, but the fact of the matter is that life doesn't afford us the opportunity to travel back in time. As hard as it may be, you must accept the fact that it is all behind you now. The past cannot be changed. All you can do is move forward. Beating yourself up over what you did won't do you any good. If anything, it only makes it more difficult to crawl out of his hole, mentally and emotionally. The key is that you learned a valuable lesson and can assure yourself moving forward that you won't make the same mistake again. Because, i...

From our choice of partner to the job through which we earn a living, life entails making a slew of decisions -- many of them carrying tremendous weight -- in a world of seemingly endless possibilities. While, in retrospect, we wish we would have done certain certain things differently, all we can do is learn from our mistakes and use them as stepping stones for growth. Here are two valuable tips for making better decisions. 1. Consider the pros and cons. Whether you're buying a car or considering breaking up with your girlfriend of two years, weigh the positives and negatives carefully. I'm not talking about, say, deciding what you'll have for dinner tonight. I speak of those choices that can have life-altering implications. For example, you might be getting much more bells and whistles with a Nissan Maxima rather than a Honda Civic, but it'll come at a heftier price -- one that can put a major dent in your savings. And maybe you've been wondering lat...

Never should we allow others to undervalue us -- nor should we let ourselves do it. At the end of the day, the only opinion about yourself that is completely accurate -- the sole assessment that really matters -- is your own. Self-worth, or self-esteem, results from our striving to treat ourselves with the love, care, compassion, and respect we deserve. Your self-worth can only be determined by you because it comes from within. The higher your self-esteem, the happier you are. And as I've stressed in my other posts, happiness emanates from inside of us. It's obvious that not everyone we come across in our lives -- from partners and friends to bosses -- will realize our worth. Still, that should never decrease our value in our own eyes. In relationships in which we don't feel valued, we have the option to address our feelings with the other person. If that doesn't bear fruit, we must decide whether the individual deserves a place in our lives. Now, this do...

There are no regrets in life -- only lessons learned. Regretting that which is now in the past -- and thus cannot be changed -- serves absolutely no purpose but to make us feel dejected. Learn from your mistakes so that you're not doomed to repeat them. In that way, you're actually channeling all that negativity into something positive and constructive. Regrets, then, can help facilitate growth so long as we have the right mindset. Let's suppose you cheated on a wonderful man or woman -- a terrible mistake you refuse to forgive yourself for. If you already apologized to your ex and have pledged to remain faithful to future partners, what more can you really do? Move on, and if you've learned anything from your misstep, you'll know not to jeopardize a relationship ever again. The same reasoning applies to missed job opportunities, friendships gone awry, or any other situations that would have turned out much more favorably had you behaved differently. ...

This crazy rollercoaster ride we call life is unequivocally, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, a journey, not a destination. Indeed, it's not so much about where we end up as it is how we got there. How many times have you gone on road trips, only to reflect more fondly on the time spent making your way there -- cracking jokes with friends, singing songs with the family, exploring the outdoors -- than the destination in question? We have a tendency to focus so hard on the end goal that we seldom stop to appreciate the incremental steps that get us there. For example, we or someone we know likely wishes to lose weight. It can be easy to become fixed on losing, say, 50 pounds as soon as possible. But as sweet as achieving that goal will be, chances are we will come to miss the feeling of working toward their target. The elation that comes from losing five pounds and looking forward to doubling that number. The same goes for college students who assert that graduation can...

Want to be happier in your life? Here's a strategy for achieving it: Strive to achieve balance . You might be asking, "Balance what, exactly?" Good question. Happy people strike a healthy balance between setting goals and appreciating what they already possess or have achieved.  Look, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Some of us already have the next goal in mind even before we've achieved the present one. Whether we aim to lose weight, start a business, get a master's degree, or climb Mount Everest, setting goals keeps us motivated. Many people feel that if they have no goals in mind, they're just settling, thereby inhibiting their own growth. But it's important not to lose sight of how far you've come. Unfortunately, some individuals are never content. They view everything (and everyone) in their lives as disposable, and they find themselves unable satiate their hunger for a more challenging job, a bigger house, a prettie...

You know it is time to pull the plug on a relationship when you've done everything conceivable to make your partner happy, but they fail to recognize your efforts and refuse to do their fair share. You've done everything imaginable to make the relationship work, but he or she continues to cheat, be lazy, take you for granted, or give you the cold shoulder. It's at this point you no longer feel guilty about walking away. In fact, doing so makes you feel liberated because it means you can finally pursue a relationship with someone who will invest the time and energy you do. A relationship that weighs you down -- one that leaves you feeling more dead than alive at the end of the day -- is no relationship at all. Rather, it is more like an albatross over your head that is inhibiting your growth. A good partner enhances our lives with traits that we may lack or that complement our own -- whether it's a great sense of humor, a flair for adventure, or a love of the a...

Steer clear of those who hurt you more than they love you. Avoid those who drain you more than they replenish you. Stay far away from people who bring you more stress than they do peace and joy. Distance yourself from those who try to stunt your growth rather than applaud it. I know what you're probably thinking: In principle, this sounds fine and dandy, but you couldn't possibly avoid every person who occasionally makes you feel like crap, from your toxic boss to your meddling in-laws. To a certain extent, that's true. But one of the most effective ways to navigate relationships with difficult people is to not take what they say or do to heart. If you take everything they say personally, you're essentially surrendering power over your emotions to them. You're enabling them to win. No one has permission to make you feel bad unless you grant it to them. Remember, many of these people are unhappy and disgruntled in their own lives, so they see to it ...

Whatever you do, don't harp on the past . Reminiscing is good, but only up to a point. If you find yourself stuck in the past rather than focusing on present and future goals, you're only inhibiting your growth.  Sure, we all have moments where we reflect on happier times in our life and say, "I almost miss those days." But we are prone to such thinking when faced with challenges in the present that drag us down. But why not tweak your thinking and reason that once you surmount those challenges, you'll be even happier -- and feel more accomplished -- than you did in the past? Then there are those of us who ruminate on bad experiences in the past -- a close friend inexplicably stabbing us in the back, a significant other we envisioned ourselves being with our whole lives suddenly proclaiming their need for space and effectively ending the relationship, an outstanding job opportunity that slipped through our fingers. But brooding over the past i...

Ah, the notorious dead-end job. You know, the kind that offers little to no potential for advancement. The type where you've mastered all your tasks, are learning nothing new, and feel as though you're stagnating. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in this boat. I, for one, have been on the lookout for better opportunities for some time now, but have yet to reel in something good enough to leave my current dead-end position for, which at least pays well and provides great benefits. It can be a challenge for even some of the most experienced job hunters to pinpoint a dead-end job. Here are some telltale signs that it may be time to start polishing up that resume: 1. There's high turnover. 2. Several people have been in the same positions for years and years. 3. Your job doesn't make good use of your skills. 4. You feel as though opportunities to expand your skill set and grow professionally are few and far between. 5. There's promotion in sight. E...

According to the latest job report, the economy added 161,000 in October, effectively dropping the unemployment rate to 4.9%. Taken together with the fact that jobs added during the previous month were revised up considerably by the Labor Department, this suggests that the economy is keeping a steady pace. Though the drop to 4.9% is only a slight one on a month-to-month basis, we've come a long way since 2009, when the unemployment hit a whopping 10.2%. What's more, October's gains signaled the 73rd consecutive month of job gains for the U.S. economy. The September job gains were revised upward to 191,000 jobs from the initial tally of 156,000. Moreover, wage growth, which has been anemic for the better part of the post-recession years, continued to show signs of improvement. Wages increased 2.8% in October compared to a year ago, the fastest growth since June 2009. Donald Trump, the Republican presidential candidate, isn't buying it. He has repeatedly called ...

To help you start the month off on the right foot, I wanted to share with you a quote from Doe Zantamata. This one is worth hanging on your wall or pasting on your nightstand so it's the first thing you look at when you wake up: "Every morning starts a new page in your story. Make it a great one today." Many people I come across spend days harping on the same issues rather than seeing each day as an opportunity to start   anew -- as a chance to resolve yesterday's issues rather than let them fester. You wouldn't want to reserve so pages in your story for things of a negative nature, would you? We should view each day as an opportunity to conquer our challenges once and for all. Each day brings the promise of growth, happiness, success. Optimism is the essential ingredient to making this happen. You have to believe wholeheartedly that things really can and will get better. Let faith and perseverance be your guide, your anchor. Instead of wondering w...

Many of us go to great pains to be better than others. We strive to have better cars than our neighbors, better clothes than our coworkers, more money than our friends. In the grand scheme of life, none of this makes us happier in the long term. What we should do is redirect our focus toward growing, toward improving ourselves. In essence, it's about being better this year than who we were last year -- being considerably better today than, say, the 2012 version of you. Everyone has his or her own definition of what makes a better person, or what constitutes personal growth. Here are a few examples: Losing weight and being healthier Getting a promotion and making more money Getting into a relationship  Being married Starting a family Traveling more Making new friends At the end of the day, how much our friends make and which cars our neighbors drive should be the least of our concerns. Concentrate on bettering and being competitive with yourself. Up the ante each Ja...

Many of my coworkers have been working at my company -- and in the same department, no less -- for 20 or more years!  It's doubtless a rarity in this day and age of frequent job hopping.  Most of them lament staying there so long. Promotions have been hard to come by, not to mention they feel utterly stagnant in their jobs. Some tell me they can't remember the last time they actually learned something new. It certainly doesn't help that our department is run by two overbearing women -- my boss is one of them -- who are completely stuck in their ways.  Now in their 50s and 60s, they concede that it's too late to think about moving. They're more focused on retirement now than anything else. Competing for jobs with people as old as their kids, they say, is a losing proposition.  When asked why they stayed there so long, they admit that they became complacent over the years. I can attest to the fact that the company provides employees with a handsome salary...

Never let your past mistakes and experiences prevent you from taking on new challenges or opportunities. Most of us have had jobs that wound up being a bad fit, not to mention been in at least one relationship that ended badly. But you should never let the fear of going through another bad experience keep you from taking on a promising job or starting a new relationship that has the makings of a fruitful union. After all, it's experience that teaches us what we did wrong so that it won't happen again in the future. Next time a seemingly great job opportunity or dating prospect comes into the picture, we should be better equipped to determine whether either is right for us, given the lesson we learned the first time. Thus, experience should serve to facilitate growth and progress in our lives, not inhibit it.  I realize it can feel like a big gamble to take the plunge once more after being left hurt or disillusioned the last time. But integral to the human experience i...

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, once said that the best way to predict your future is to create it. Eleanor Roosevelt, first lady to President Franklin D. Roosevelt, stated that the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Still another great quote -- and I believe this one was dreamed up anonymously -- is that we ought to strive to do something today that our future self will thank us for. I know I sometimes have a tendency to harp on here about the past. (After all, I do love history!) And while reminiscing at times is good and healthful, we mustn't spend too much time ruminating over past events. I think doing so gets in the way of our growth -- whether personal or professional. Sometimes we might get so caught up reliving the past that we forget to live in the present. While memories of yesterday might be special, memories created tomorrow might prove even more profound. Thinking too much about the past prevents us from mo...