If I were to ask you what might make someone in your life -- whether a friend or dating prospect -- build a deep affection for you, what would you say? Your first instinct might be to respond with, "Doing nice things for them." Ironically, though, research has shown that we can actually get people to care about us more by having them do favors for us.  At first blush, this might seem rather counterintuitive, but it actually makes perfect sense. We have an affinity for the things and people we invest resources in -- whether time or money. So if we're taking time out of our busy day for someone, we start to think, "Hey, I must really care about this individual if I'm going the extra mile." Sure, if people do nice things for us, we can form a favorable impression of them. But it isn't until we find ourselves going out of our way for them that we realize they may very well occupy a special place in our heart. If being nice alone did the trick...

Whether it's a cheating spouse, a friend who takes you for granted, or a coworker who stabs you in the back whenever you're not present, no one should make excuses for another person's unsavory behavior. If the person is making a genuine effort to clean up their act, that's one thing. But if they pledge they're going to change, and yet you catch them pulling the same stunts over and over again, they're making a mockery of your compassion. At that point, you have to decide whether to continue giving them the benefit of the doubt, or calling it quits once and for all. It isn't as easy to walk when you're dealing with a coworker and you wish to keep your job. In that case, you may consider asking for a transfer or moving to a cubicle further away from the individual. You might also think twice about ending the friendship if you each have mutual friends. You may worry that he or she will talk smack to the others about you (if they haven't alr...

During my first semester in college, I clicked with a girl who, to my displeasure, was already in a long-term relationship. If you saw us together, you would probably assume we were a couple. I played with her hair. She looked for me on campus before class. We'd laugh and joke around incessantly. Her behavior struck me as flirtatious, and I always felt that beneath the surface she had feelings for me that went beyond the platonic variety. There I was, on the verge of falling for someone who could not offer anything more than friendship. For the remainder of the semester, I held out hope that our unmistakable chemistry would prompt her to break up with her boyfriend for me. Alas, it didn't happen. She remains loyal to her now-husband to this day, and I'm happily married to my wife. Though things worked out for both of us, I was very disappointed then that I could not pry a great girl from another guy's arms. I learned a valuable lesson from this experience: Cha...

It goes without saying that some people show a stronger need for validation from society than others. Sure, I try to be friendly and respectful with everyone I come across. But that doesn't mean I am going to bend over backwards just to gain someone's favor. This is precisely what I see people at work and elsewhere try to do. It's obvious when someone is trying too hard to be liked by everyone around them. He or she seeks to do favors for no reason and finds any excuse to strike up or butt into conversations. Feeling left out or ignored is their single biggest fear. The ones I respect the most are those who can remain friendly and respectful toward others without resorting to pretentiousness. In reality, virtually everything we do can be construed as selfish. If we do favors for the sole purpose of currying people's favor, then it shows that we care a great deal about how/what people think of us. I don't care so much about being liked as I do being regarde...