The person who cares least in the relationship has the power?

There's a scene in the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" where Michael Douglas' character, ostensibly a philandering playboy type, tells his nephew that whoever cares least in a relationship has all the power.

I replayed this line in my head for days, trying to assess whether it holds water as far as the relationships I've had in my own life.

Here's what I've concluded:

While I think it's preposterous to assume that you can gain the upper hand by deliberately being indifferent and standoffish, it is true that you can lose points by being overly nice and accommodating -- a doormat, if you will.

If you let your partner step all over you and fail to stand up for yourself, you're letting him take advantage of and flat-out disrespect you. Once this becomes the norm, then yes, you have basically ceded all the power in the relationship to your partner.

Like everything else in life, moderation works best. You don't have to shower your partner with compliments and gifts every time you see her. Do it in small doses! By doing it sporadically, you keep her on her toes and leave her wondering what she'll next, and when. In the early stages of dating, this is sure to build attraction.

But overdoing it on the gifts and compliments reeks of neediness and implies you're out to "buy" the affections of someone else. It may seem like people would be endeared to potential suitors they can walk all over, but this couldn't be further from the truth.

You earn people's respect when you stand up for what you believe in, and that's especially so in the realm of love. Neediness and seeking others' approval simply aren't attractive qualities in a partner.

Again, it's okay to be romantic and receptive to your partner's needs -- so long as you neither do it excessively nor relinquish your voice in the relationship.

Comments

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

An important note to women about men and attraction

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters. Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect. And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them. However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway). Granted, if you're not lookin...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog