The Real Reason He ‘Isn’t Ready for a Relationship’ (And Why It’s Probably Not What You Think)

Man telling woman he isn't ready for a relationship

Attention hopeless romantics -- and, yes, I'm saying this with Valentine's Day on our doorstep -- if you've been trying for a while now to secure a guy's commitment to no avail, it's time to sit down and reassess the situation.

I'm a guy myself and have been in this situation, so I know exactly how painful unrequited love can be.

Here's the hard truth: Sometimes “not ready” means "not ready for you."

Many moons ago, before I got with my now-wife, a girl I was head over heels for was never ready to settle down with me, yet she didn't want me out of her life completely either. As it turns out, she was talking to someone else all along, whom she later partnered up and had kids with.

It's obvious what her endgame was: To keep me around for the attention (especially if she ever broke up or got into a spat with the guy). She wanted the cake and she wanted to eat it, too.

In your case, it could mean he enjoys the benefits without commitment, assuming you’ve been dating and have perhaps shared some intimacy together.

But the fact he wishes to maintain his independence and/or continues to see other people means he just doesn't feel emotionally invested.

It takes some guys getting bored of sowing their wild oats and spending enough holidays by themselves to realize they yearn for something more -- something a little deeper. By then, though, you might have moved on to greener pastures, and rightly so.

Sometimes emotional immaturity is the culprit. They just don't know what they have until it's gone. Ironically, they don't gain wisdom in this arena until they've experienced loss.

When a man says he’s not ready, believe him. If you stay and continue entertaining his lame excuses -- all in hopes of winning his elusive heart -- you will regret it later on. I did the same with the aforementioned girl whose affections I could never quite win.

Ultimately, I kicked myself for wasting so much time on someone who was showing signs of disinterest early on. The writing was certainly on the wall; I just failed to pay attention to it.

Now, I'm hoping you can avoid making the same mistake -- or at least contain the damage if you find yourself knee-deep. There are too many fish in the sea to put all your eggs in a dubious basket.

That's not to say that every guy who claims he isn't ready for a relationship is being insincere. It could be that he recently ended a 5-year marriage upon finding his wife in bed with another man. Perhaps a family member he was very close to passed away and he's in no state of mind for love.

But if this persists for months if not years on end, there's something else at play here. Don't allow yourself to be strung around. One thing is to lean on you temporarily for support; it's another to say he isn't ready while dating tons of other women (as evidenced by his posts on social media).

The last thing you should do is ruminate about the past. There's no going back, so if you decide to walk away, be sure to keep your feet planted firmly in the present and look forward to a better chapter. No what ifs or buts.

A man who can't be straightfoward about his feelings and intentions isn't one you want to be with anyway. You deserve better!

How to Read People provides valuable relationship, dating, and career tips. Be sure to catch up on the latest posts here.

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