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No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that.

When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship.

Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them.

Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar.

Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention.

This is never the case in a rock-solid relationship, where nothing -- distance, work, kids -- can keep two people from touching base every so often. It's been said that you know a relationship is strong when two individuals can pick up right where they left off the last time they spoke to or saw one another.

As I've noted in recent posts, a relationship is an investment -- of time, of energy, of emotions. When someone fails to do their part, they're showing that they do not care enough to commit such resources. As a result, the relationship suffers because the other person feels like the only one making a conscious effort to keep the relationship afloat.

If the days keep passing and the other person hasn't bothered responding to you, don't harp on it. Move on. Focus on other people and interests in your life. Keep yourself occupied.

Hopefully, he or she will surprise you by coming around sooner or later. But don't hold your breath. Unfortunately, while some people have a penchant for flakiness, others suddenly pop up again when they need something from you.

Don't invest time in anything that isn't bearing any fruit. People make time for the things and people who really matter to them.
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Comments

Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
September 11, 2018 at 8:17 AM
Unknown said…
My msg Most of the time is this is too much for me or I am anticipating that it's going to be.
Or I Font know Yet and Font have a clear Overview of whats going to Happen thus Feel uncomfortable about setting Something
September 11, 2018 at 8:19 AM
Marinchich said…
I've recognized myself in many of your posts and thank you. Keep up the good work! You make me feel better about myself, and less as betrayed fool in life. :-)
December 7, 2018 at 2:09 PM
Lovingbird said…
Thanks for sharing powerful thoughts with us, true, if you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.
November 9, 2019 at 2:44 PM
Anonymous said…
I have found that people don't call me or make any sort of contact, when I no longer serve their purpose. Then when their situation changes and they realize they "need" me again, they expect me to drop everything to be their "best friend" again. When I don't bend over for them, they get mad at me and say I hold grudges or forget what I have done to them. They are like leaves!!
December 27, 2021 at 9:53 PM
Anonymous said…
I have been in a long distance relationship since 2014. My partner is being treated for mental illness and since 2017 he’s struggled in the fall-January with his commitment to the relationship every other year. Once being unfaithful, once abruptly blocking me and mailing me furniture I loaned him. Both times I was devastated and it ruined my holidays. He then returned embarrassed and unsure why he had behaved like that. He refused to go for counseling though. My couselor at the time told me these we both polar swings. This fall he was having a serious issues with his physical and mental health to the point he filled out f m l a paperwork because he was missing work. He’s been using pot And C b d gummies, taking opioids for pain and missing work and was easily agitated and lacked warmth with me. My first grand child was born in October and I’ve been helping them a lot. On December 22 he blocked me except by email, and said after the holidays we should talk about downgrading our relationship. Now I rarely hear from him unless I initiate and then the responses are short. I wasn’t devastated this time. I am more concerned about his mental health and see him as someone incapable of maintaining a normal supportive relationship. The question is do I stop trying to connect at all?
January 11, 2022 at 9:01 AM
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