We've all heard the maxim "misery loves company," but what's the reasoning behind it? Why is being miserable not as bad when we know someone else is in the same boat?
For starters, no one wants to stand out for the wrong reasons. In a room full of happy people, being the only one in the dumps can be utterly unpleasant. The fact that someone else shares your misery makes it seem, well, not so horrible after all.
For example, let's say you and two of your colleagues are slated to present your department's new product launch to corporate this morning. You've been driving for 10 minutes when all of the sudden, traffic begins slowing to crawl. You then discover there's been a major accident, and it could be at least another hour before you get to the office. Unfortunately, the meeting starts in 20 minutes, so it's likely you'll miss a good chunk of the meeting.
Now, suppose that Jesse, one of the two guys scheduled to make the presentation with you, calls you frantically complaining that he is stuck in the same traffic jam caused by the crash and could very well miss the meeting.
Would the fact that someone else is in the same predicament bring you a sense of relief? If he hadn't called, and you found yourself at risk of being the only one to miss the big presentation, would you be far more concerned?
If you answered yes to one or both of the above questions, you likely back the notion that misery loves company.
What causes people to feel this way, though?
It could be a host of things. For one, it can be triggered by feelings of envy, jealousy, or selfishness. How many times have we heard gruesome reports of murder suicides in the news, where a despondent lunatic kills his loved ones before taking his own life?
Why couldn't he just have killed himself and spared the lives of his family members? Because he was being completely selfish, his modus operandi being "if I go down, you're going down as well." Thus, the deranged killer takes comfort in the fact that surviving friends and relatives will now know what it's like to feel miserable, as he did.
Just to give you another example, let's say you and your buddy Bill have been single for years. You commiserate over your bad luck in the dating arena and have actually become accustomed to being the lone singles at parties and other social events. All of the sudden, you're blindsided by news that your friend hooked up with Lisa and plans to go with her to the dance.
At first, you might feel jealous or even envious of your friend; after all, being the only single lad remaining among your closest comrades is no fun, and it's unlikely Bill will even talk to you at the dance. You secretly hope that the relationship fails so that you have someone to lament singlehood with. This happens more often than you would think.
And here's an even more mundane example: After having a bad day at work, you come home and take it out on your wife, who has nothing to do with what occurred in the office. Somehow, projecting your bad mood onto someone else and seeing them angry makes you feel a tad better. You think to yourself: "Why should I be the only one to have a bad day? Someone else should share in the grief."
As tempting as it may be to rain on someone's parade just because we've hit rough waters, it isn't fair. What fault do they have? We should be proud of others' successes and instead remind ourselves that "this too shall pass." In the end, we never know other people's battles.
Do you agree that misery loves company?
For starters, no one wants to stand out for the wrong reasons. In a room full of happy people, being the only one in the dumps can be utterly unpleasant. The fact that someone else shares your misery makes it seem, well, not so horrible after all.
For example, let's say you and two of your colleagues are slated to present your department's new product launch to corporate this morning. You've been driving for 10 minutes when all of the sudden, traffic begins slowing to crawl. You then discover there's been a major accident, and it could be at least another hour before you get to the office. Unfortunately, the meeting starts in 20 minutes, so it's likely you'll miss a good chunk of the meeting.
Now, suppose that Jesse, one of the two guys scheduled to make the presentation with you, calls you frantically complaining that he is stuck in the same traffic jam caused by the crash and could very well miss the meeting.
Would the fact that someone else is in the same predicament bring you a sense of relief? If he hadn't called, and you found yourself at risk of being the only one to miss the big presentation, would you be far more concerned?
If you answered yes to one or both of the above questions, you likely back the notion that misery loves company.
What causes people to feel this way, though?
It could be a host of things. For one, it can be triggered by feelings of envy, jealousy, or selfishness. How many times have we heard gruesome reports of murder suicides in the news, where a despondent lunatic kills his loved ones before taking his own life?
Why couldn't he just have killed himself and spared the lives of his family members? Because he was being completely selfish, his modus operandi being "if I go down, you're going down as well." Thus, the deranged killer takes comfort in the fact that surviving friends and relatives will now know what it's like to feel miserable, as he did.
Just to give you another example, let's say you and your buddy Bill have been single for years. You commiserate over your bad luck in the dating arena and have actually become accustomed to being the lone singles at parties and other social events. All of the sudden, you're blindsided by news that your friend hooked up with Lisa and plans to go with her to the dance.
At first, you might feel jealous or even envious of your friend; after all, being the only single lad remaining among your closest comrades is no fun, and it's unlikely Bill will even talk to you at the dance. You secretly hope that the relationship fails so that you have someone to lament singlehood with. This happens more often than you would think.
And here's an even more mundane example: After having a bad day at work, you come home and take it out on your wife, who has nothing to do with what occurred in the office. Somehow, projecting your bad mood onto someone else and seeing them angry makes you feel a tad better. You think to yourself: "Why should I be the only one to have a bad day? Someone else should share in the grief."
As tempting as it may be to rain on someone's parade just because we've hit rough waters, it isn't fair. What fault do they have? We should be proud of others' successes and instead remind ourselves that "this too shall pass." In the end, we never know other people's battles.
Do you agree that misery loves company?
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