Do old friendships fade out?

If you've been friends with someone for 10 or more years, consider yourself lucky. I am fortunate enough that my closest friendships go back a long time:

Oldest friendship: 24 years
Second oldest friendship: 15 years
Third oldest friendship: 11 years

However, maintaining these friendships hasn't been easy. Spats over the years nearly decimated the latter two friendships, and right now I am in hot water with my oldest friend.

Luckily, things have a way of working out, but I realize that not everyone is as docile and forgiving as I am. When I put considerable time and effort into a relationship, I do my best to keep it alive.

But friendships are a two-way street; they require serious time and effort from both parties. If only one person is putting in all the work, that friendship will likely go down the tubes.

Maintaining friendships only becomes more difficult as we get older. Once we're well past the college and drinking years, it isn't as easy to strike up conversations on the street and make friends. What's more, priorities including kids and household duties put a serious dent in the time we have available to forge new friendships.

It's no wonder so many of us are willing to do whatever is necessary to salvage our old friendships.

My advice: If you value the friendship enough to want to keep it alive, don't give up at the first sign of hardship. Do your best to work through problems with your friend and resolve any disagreements that may come up. However, If you find that your friend is not pulling his weight and seems impervious to your efforts, it's time to kiss the friendship goodbye.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog