What people do to you when you don't set clear boundaries

Do you get multiple requests from people daily, whether from coworkers or friends? Does it necessitate dropping what you're doing and tending to their needs? Do you find yourself unable to keep up with such demands? If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, read on for some important tips that may very well turn your life around for the better.

How you probably got here

I can venture a guess as to what's keeping you locked in this vicious cycle: You find it difficult -- if not impossible -- to say NO.

Let's face it: The vast majority of us are kind-hearted folks with an inclination to help others. The problem is that the more we say YES, the more people will come to expect it. This, in turn, creates fertile ground for being taken advantage of.

So what exactly does being taken advantage of mean? Well, it signals that your wants, needs, and feelings are being entirely ignored in service of pleasing someone else. Your time doesn't matter. Any potential reservations are discounted. You're expected to answer the call, and if you fail to do so, you can serious repercussions that run the gamut to being scolded, ignored, fired, or dumped.

The perils of being taken for granted

People who are taken for granted are placed in an unfortunate quandary. They don't want to be used, but they also don't want to risk jeopardizing the relationship by issuing even the smallest complaint. So they continue to accede to others' demands, in the process enduring considerable mental, emotional, and physical burnout.

When we recognize that we're being treated unfairly, our self-esteem can take a serious beating. We might go so far as to reason that if we're not being valued, it must be our fault and we are not deserving of anyone's appreciation.

It's never too late to stand up for yourself

Blaming yourself is counterproductive. Rather than harping on the past, it's critical you keep moving forward and use your experiences to shore up your approach to relationships, both new and existing.

As for your present relationships, you need to ask yourself these questions:

Does this person align with my values?
Will putting my foot down at this juncture of the relationship effect true change?
Given how this individual treats me (and likely others), do I want to keep them in my life?

The last thing you want to do is reinforce the notion that you can continue to be anyone's doormat. Put a stop to it by learning to say no when appropriate. It's perfectly acceptable to tell your boss you don't have the time to shoulder any more projects. You're well within your rights to decline others' requests for money.

When it comes to future relationships, it's imperative you lay out from the get-go that you're certainly open to helping them when they need it -- but not at the risk of your mental and emotional well-being. Your thoughts, feelings, and values hold as much weight as theirs. And if you treat others with respect and express gratitude to them, they should do the same in kind.

Setting these expectations at the very beginning won't necessarily ensure that you never get taken for granted, but it puts you in a stronger position to put the kibosh on their behavior it escalates any further.

The bottom line

It's impossible to please everyone all the time. At the end of the day, you need to please yourself as well. It isn't selfish to dedicate time to doing what you want to do, when you want to do it. Once people see that you have a backbone and will not allow them to take you for a ride, they'll back off. No one should ever be victimized for being just a bit too kind and giving.

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