How to STOP people from tearing you apart

There's people in this world who are inevitably bent on causing others harm -- or at least giving them a hard time -- all in the service of advancing their own interests. It's usually a reflection of the loathing they harbor toward themselves or some aspect of their life. They take it upon themselves to project onto you and others -- unsuspecting victims in their path -- their unrelenting misery.

Maybe you've encountered this at work or elsewhere: A toxic boss or surly acquaintance who seems to revel in making others feel like crap, whether out of envy, jealousy, spite, or no concrete reason at all. Once someone stands up to them, they may very well put the bullseye on others' backs, including yours.

So how is one to deal with these toxic individuals?

Don't let them get to you

Nothing spurs them into taking a victory lap quite like seeing you deflated and despondent. Even if they're getting on your nerves, try not to show it. It'll supply them with more fuel to press on. Logic -- and not emotion -- is your friend when life throws you these curveballs (or should I say bad eggs?)

Once they become a nuisance, confront them

No need to resort to throw punches or hurl insults. Just approach them and in a firm manner say that, like anyone else, you deserve to be treated with respect. Get to the bottom of why they seem to have a bone to pick with you. Was it because you got the promotion they so desperately wanted? Are you dating their ex? Sometimes there's no clear-cut answer beyond the fact they're just going through a tough time, or their childhood was an unhappy one.

Make whatever changes necessary to minimize contact in the short term

Maybe it's switching to a different cubicle at work or going to a different gym in the area. The less you interact with them, the less the friction -- which in turns reduces the likelihood of your day being utterly ruined. You never know: Out of sight, out of mind can be the ticket to a speedy resolution of the matter.

Ask them if there's anything you can do

Believe it or not, sometimes this behavior belies what's happening deep inside of them; they're crying out for help, but simply don't know how to channel their worries and grievances. Don't be surprised if, upon extending a hand, they break down in front of you and start to open up about private details ranging from recent breakups to health scares. Unfortunately, this is no guarantee that they'll change, at least not overnight. You might have a few more episodes to contend with before they mend their ways (if it ever happens).

Reach out for help if they become dangerous

If at any point you feel this individual poses a threat to your well-being, take action. Report it to Human Resources or file a report with the police. No one wants to have to resign from a job they otherwise like, but this situation may call for it.

In sum, if you're in the lucky position of becoming someone's next target -- whether a supervisor or friend of a friend -- it doesn't mean you should simply cross your arms and sit on your laurels. Don't play into their hands. Stand up for yourself and people eventually get the point: You will under no circumstances allow yourself to be their doormat or punch bag. Misery loves company, but it doesn't mean it's the type of company you should keep around.

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