I want to preface this post by saying that no one in a relationship -- be it platonic or amorous -- is perfect. No one is entirely blameless over the course of relational ups and downs. We all possess flaws, some more regrettable than others.
That being said, having the finger pointed at you all the time -- despite the fact you know the other person shares blame or is entirely at fault -- can be demoralizing.
It hints at one important truth
Those who take it upon themselves to make everyone else the culprit and themselves the victim suffer from an acute lack of humility.
Whether they have an inflated ego or were never taught to look deep within and concede when they've wrong, these people have a penchant for projecting their follies onto others.
They may act as though they have not the slightest idea they're in the wrong, but it's all a charade to hide their culpability behind the guise of obliviousness and not be held accountable.
How to approach these folks
The last thing you want to do is engage these individuals in an argument by pointing the finger back at them. It'll only feed their urge to go toe to toe and exculpate themselves. Instead, start the conversation by conceding that you're not perfect and have erred in the past. It's a way of leveling with them so that they realize you're not looking to drag them through the mud.
Then, once you're certain they're in a calm and composed state, you drop in a line like, "I wish you'd acted differently in this situation by..."
Notice the difference? You're not laying the blame squarely at their feet, but in a more indirect, roundabout way trying to get them to assess their actions so they can make a concession (as you did), however small.
It isn't foolproof
In a perfect world, this would unmistakably seal the deal and your relationship would be on the mend soon thereafter. But we know it just doesn't pan out this way with certain folks.
If they remain intransigent in their efforts to distance themselves from any potential blame, it's unlikely they'll ever change. They've clearly chosen to allow their pride to get the last say. It's probably easier to win the lottery than get an arrogant person to fall on their sword.
It's at this point you have to determine whether keeping the person in your life is worth the hassle.
Walk away if the behavior persists
If nothing changes, you ought to sever ties lest their impertinence begins to corrode your psychological and emotional well-being. Although humble people seem in short supply, there are still plenty of them roaming our streets, grocery stores, and workplaces. It's them you ought to reserve your time and energy for.
The bottom line
Whether it's your boss, partner, or acquaintance at the nearby pet store, it can be very difficult -- if not impossible -- for some people to acknowledge blame in any given situation. If apologies aren't in their vocabulary, you have on your hands a haughty lad or lady who seriously needs a slice of humble pie. Now, if you succeed at getting them to issue a mea culpa from the heart? Oh what a moment that would be!
Comments