Being the social creatures that we are, we all want people to like us. We all want to be in people's good graces. After all, it opens the door to new job or relationship possibilities, so why not?
The danger comes when you aim to impress someone to feel better about yourself -- when being "you" just isn't good enough. This creates the potential for losing your identity entirely in the process. Rather than living your most authentic life so that those who value you for who you are come along for the ride, you're bending over backwards to fit into the mold of how others want to perceive you. See the difference?
For example, I know a great many people who aren't materialistic by nature, but they tote around expensive handbags and drive luxurious cars just so that they gain gain others' approval. Somewhere along the way, they bought into the misguided notion that projecting wealth will earn the respect of others, as if their positive feelings for fancy brands will transfer over to you.
While this may certainly win over certain people, is it the kind of people you really want in your life?
I'm not saying you'll earn people's respect in rags just the same. Yes, we all have to keep up a certain appearance at work or elsewhere ("dress to impress"). Unfortunately, though, some individuals get carried away with this, ultimately turning into someone who friends and relatives no longer recognize.
They say money changes people (and not always for the better). Rather than focusing so hard on keeping up with the Joneses, imagine putting that money toward more benevolent causes, like St. Jude's or Feeding America.
Picture using it in myriad ways to enrich your mind and facilitate your growth, whether it's learning a new instrument or taking French classes. The bottom line is that you're using it to improve and feel better about yourself -- independent of what others think.
I understand there being times when you might want to make a favorable impression on someone in order to get what you want. Maybe it's landing a second date with a beautiful woman, being offered a good job, or making the cut after basketball tryouts. Whatever the case may be, you shouldn't feel as though you fundamentally have to change who you are.
The key to a happier, more fulfilling life is to work on impressing and improving yourself. Happiness comes from within, not from outside of you. So if you're spending all of your energies seeking happiness in other people, you can predict how that will end up.
If you're straining that hard to win someone's stamp of approval -- to the point where you don't recognize yourself anymore -- you have to ask yourself whether continued contact with this individual is having a corrosive effect on your self-image and, more importantly, your life.
You can aim to impress someone without ditching those very characteristics that make up the essence of your very being. For instance, if you enjoy your introverted nature because it lends itself to being bookish and contemplative, you shouldn't have to chuck your home library and abandon those tendencies simply to gain the favor of a fast-talking boss or slimy neighbor.
Also, it's important to keep in mind that people have their own selfish, underhanded reasons for wanting you to change. Maybe they actually admire your most authentic self and wish they could be in your shoes; since they can't, they try and get you to change into an entirely different person -- perhaps more in line with them.
Once you get that job or date, you shouldn't feel as though you have to feign your personality or act in unnatural ways in order to stay on the employer's or date's good side. There's a lot to be said for feeling at ease in being your real self, whether at a romantic restaurant or in the office. Because the longer you have to put on a charade, the more happiness will evade you.
Never make decisions you'll regret in the service of being liked by others, whether it's driving drunk or blowing through your bank account. You never know if the people prompting you to change will be out of your life tomorrow. Again, the people worth keeping around will never make you go to such lengths.
That being said, always strive to impress yourself first and foremost. The right people will come. Let your self-esteem and self-worth never be contingent upon someone's else's thumbs up.
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