How changing for others can be a huge mistake

Everyone strives to be liked by all whom they come across -- co-workers, friends, acquaintances.

But what good is gaining someone's favor if it means changing who you are?

Let's face it: There will always be something about you that someone is going to be displeased about, whether it's your gift for gab or penchant for quietness, your insistence on not drinking or your passion for the environment.

Indeed, certain interests or personality traits may put you at odds with some people because they may not be, dare I say, mainstream?

For example, almost all my sports-loving friends are football fanatics. I've never been big on pigskin, but I have been drawn to baseball from an early age.

I happen to think baseball is exciting, but most of my friends would beg to differ, always questioning how I can get into such a "dull" game.

You may have found yourself in a similar situation when it comes to your political views, religious beliefs, or quiet demeanor.

What I've come to realize is that peer pressure wasn't just a thing of those bygone high school days.

Even adults get into the act when they perceive someone as not conforming to the group's social norms.

So here's my question to you:

Would you prefer to be disliked for your most genuine self (assuming "genuine self" means treating others with respect, being true to your values) or being loved for the kind of person others want you to be (faking that you love sports, drinking, or conservative politics when that isn't who you are)?

If you have to go to such lengths to be admired, you're in the wrong crowd.

I understand being flexible on some occasions, e.g., trying out new activities that may not necessarily pique your interest at first.

But if you feel pressured to do things that make you come out of your comfort zone a bit too much for fear of losing someone's approve, you're doing yourself a disservice.

The people worth being around would never put you in such a tight spot. They would respect the differences between you, seeing them as opportunities to learn new ways of seeing the world.

Sadly, though, not everyone has a knack for tolerance. They see things in black and white and are made uneasy by folks whose thinking and customs don't align neatly with theirs.

While we all evolve as we get older, our fundamental character traits remain fairly static.

Instead of apologizing for the things that make you unique, you should embrace them without reserve.

Why be less like you and more like others?

Individuality is one of the most powerful levers we have at our disposal. Don't look back on your life wishing you had been more comfortable in your own skin, more secure in your God-given gifts and talents.

Dare to be different. Dare to exude originality, even if some people dislike you for it. The only person's approval you need is your own, as no one else has the authority to judge.

If you go the opposite route, you'll be left feeling a void in your heart -- as if you've betrayed yourself.

Women vs. Men: Who likes to backstab more?

Whether it's on TV or in the workplace, the general consensus seems to be that women gossip, backstab, and stir up more conflict than men do. But, as with every other topic, I thought it only fair to put this so-called stereotype under the microscope. If you watch reality shows like Celebrity Apprentice, you'll notice it's the women who spend far more time bickering. While the men do at times become embroiled in tit for tat, it's the women who are portrayed as meaner and more hostile. In the workplace, I have noticed that women seem to gossip far more than their male counterparts. I haven't really seen any cases where a person blatantly backstabs the other, but I have caught both men and women in little white lies. If it is true that women are generally more into backstabbing and gossiping than men, why is this the case? I believe that it isn't fair to make a blanket statement like "all women play these games while all men keep to themselves and pre...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

Men prefer to marry brunettes

Study after study shows that men prefer blondes as girlfriends or mistresses and brunettes as wives . It seems many men see brunettes as more trustworthy and loyal. What's more, even though participants claimed that blondes are better in bed, they feel brunettes are better kissers and more affectionate than blondes. I find these results to be rather interesting. In my high school and early college days, I actually had a preference for blondes myself -- that is, until I hooked up with my now-wife. From that point on, I deemed brunettes as more attractive and marriage material, probably because they reminded me of and more closely resembled her. I think we can blame Hollywood, shows like Baywatch, and Playboy for painting blondes as wild, big chested, promiscuous and loose. (Yes, I know that there are brunettes in Playboy, but they seem to be in the minority.) When someone tells a man to think of an attractive blonde, who do you think likely crosses his mind? More likely than...

How to Read People

Search This Blog