Skip to main content

The best way to get to know people is...

Want to get to know people better?  Try to have one-to-one conversations with them.

I've found that people tend to be more open and genuine in one-to-one conversations than they are when other people are around.

Add more people to the equation and people begin putting on a facade just to fit in and make a good impression, particularly if several people in the conversation know each other.

That's not to say it can't happen in a one-to-one conversation -- especially when both individuals met only recently -- but the chances of that happening are slimmer.

When it's just you and another person, you're more vulnerable. Efforts be silly in order to elicit laughs may blow up in your face, and there's no one else around to back you up in case you say something you may regret.

In addition, more participants bring more noise into the conversation. Suddenly you have people talking and shouting over another, not to mention going off on tangents. This makes it much more difficult to achieve the same degree of substance that a one-to-one conversation affords.

I find that the people I have the most superficial relationships with are those whom always seem to be around other people. Why? Because they don't open up the same way in that context.

Most people tend to act differently around one person than they would when their buddies are also present, for example. In this situation, they feel comfortable around their friends and generally make less of an effort to connect with the person they may not know as well.

If you want to get to know someone on a deeper level -- whether it's a date, friend of a friend, or co-worker -- arranging a one-to-one conversation is unequivocally the way to go.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

The 1 good thing cheaters do for us

Nothing good could come of a relationship marred by infidelity, right? The heartache, the shock, the feeling of one's trust being violated.  In the short-term, being cheated on can turn one's world upside down. But eventually, there may be a light awaiting the cheated at the end of the tunnel.  If you really think about it, cheaters end up doing us a huge favor.  In their selfishness and disloyalty, they end up showing us that we deserve better.  If you're so unfortunate as to be a victim of such acts of betrayal, you can only hope the cheater is considerate enough to own up to their missteps.  But we all know full well that, in many cases, the cheater is either caught in the act or leaves behind a trail of hints that ultimately culminates in their undoing. The more classy thing to do is to discuss their feelings openly with their partner before straying.  If all talks lead to an impasse or a further escalation of tensions, both parties should take it as a ...