Avoid this common relationship mistake

Many of us get into relationships and fall into one common trap: losing one's self-identity.

Both individuals spend so much time together that they neglect their personal needs and interests -- the ones independent of the relationship.

This can only lead to trouble on several fronts.

For one, when two people are attached at the hip, especially early on in the relationship, they may eventually settle into routines and grow bored of each other.

Both people should continue to cultivate the hobbies they enjoyed before they hooked up. Similarly, they should continue working on goals -- career-related or otherwise -- that they set out to achieve when they were single.

Not only does this ensure continual progress in their personal or professional lives, but it means they have something they can share with one another that goes beyond themselves. This, in turn, keeps the relationship fresh.

Giving each other space is doubly beneficial: it affords you the opportunity to miss each other, and it allows the two of you to focus on other things in your life that matter to you.

At the end of the day, you're still two separate people with different goals, dreams, hobbies, and preferences. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean those have to overlap.

In fact, they shouldn't, because then you'd merely be compromising who you are. If your partner tries to prevent you from pursuing your own goals and partaking in activities you love because they don't align with his or hers, you're in the wrong relationship.

As I've noted in earlier posts, one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone gets into a relationship and forgets their friends exist. (A couple of friends have pulled this on me in the past.) In most cases, once that relationship goes awry, the person goes crawling back to their jaded friends, but at that point it's too late.

In sum, it is never a good idea to relinquish your individuality when you enter into a relationship. You can enjoy doing things together as a couple while nurturing interests and other aspects of your life that make you unique.

Comments

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

An important note to women about men and attraction

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters. Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect. And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them. However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway). Granted, if you're not lookin...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog