3 Ways To Control Your Emotions

Your thoughts, positive or negative, trigger certain emotions.

Sometimes you may not understand why you're experiencing a certain feeling -- be it rage, regret, or optimism -- until you do a little mental gymnastics.

Ask yourself this question: What specific thoughts crossed my mind to spark these feelings?

Maybe it was thinking about your boss dropping a project on you at the last minute. Perhaps a commercial ran that you remembered first aired five years ago while you were having a terrible fight with your ex-spouse about his drinking habit, which ultimately derailed the marriage. Maybe your friend's putting in a good word at work for the new sales manager position you've been eying elevated your mood.

Sometimes the most seemingly inconsequential event can stir up a range of emotions. I, for example, often find myself feeling a bit glum on cloudy days. Yet, you can probably relate to feeling rather ecstatic at the thought of Friday being just a few hours away.

Whether it's advertising, the weather, the thought of an ex, or the taste of a chocolate bar, our emotions are elicited by cues in our external environment as well as within ourselves. The two can certainly work hand in hand -- where a particular cue in the environment shifts your thinking abruptly and for a protracted period of time. For instance, you might see an ad for a new car and spend the next couple of days ruminating about it until you finally make your way to the dealership and fork over some cash.

As I've noted previously, when we harp on the past -- on negative moments, unfavorable experiences -- it gives rise to anger, stress, depression, and other adverse outcomes. We have to do our part to curb this pernicious habit -- otherwise, we'll be courting misery continually, with no end in sight.

Really, it does us absolutely no good to question what could have happened, or why someone behaved a certain way.

We can similarly become consumed with negative thoughts when fixating on the future. While you can plan for tomorrow, there's no way to account for every potential scenario. Can you prepare to be struck by lightning on a sunny day? To be rear-ended in a normally deserted part of town?

Here are two important tips for keeping those emotions in check:

1. Live in the moment.

The only thing you can really do with the past is learn from it and leverage those lessons toward personal growth. That way, you minimize the chances of making similar mistakes going forward. And you can only do so much to gird yourself for the future; as the saying goes, always expect the unexpected. The only way to live a satisfying life is by trying to make the most of today.

2. Think with your head -- and not just your heart.

Most of us have a tendency to react emotionally to situations. When you find yourself about to open the emotional floodgates, stop for a moment and ask yourself whether it's really worth it to get all bent out of shape. Perhaps the solution to the problem is far simpler than you expected initially. While tamping down our emotions is easier to do in certain cases more than others, we must aim to strike a healthy balance. Our decisions should be informed by rational thinking.

3. Strive to think positively. If you want to summon up positive emotions, you'll have to do your part to keep the mind focused on things and people that make you happy -- whether it's your comic book collection, your daughter, your cat, or your passion for the outdoors.

So there you have it. Be sure to print out the above tips and keep them handy for those times you find yourself overwhelmed with emotion and can't necessarily put your finger on what caused it. Once you look deep within and can trace the source of said emotion, you know what you have to do to evoke it more often (if positive) or avert it (if negative).

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