Can we fall for two people at the same time?

Earlier today, I submitted a post, Why love at first sight is a myth, which argues that establishing a deep, long-lasting connection with someone goes beyond the purely physical.

So let's assume that a woman -- we'll call her Martha -- is physically attracted to a man named Joe and clicks with him on a more personal level, leading her to think she's in love with him.

Now, let's make the scenario even more intriguing by adding another potential suitor to the mix named Matt, and we'll presume Martha is sure her feelings for Matt are no less intense than those she has for Joe.

Is it possible for Martha to be in love with Joe and Matt at the same time?

These are the kinds of story lines that great plays and soap operas are made of, but the question is whether it's even feasible in real life.

Here's my view:

I think Martha can love Joe and Matt at the same time, but to varying degrees. And who's to say that she loves exactly the same things about them?

Maybe Joe is smart, romantic, and artistic, while Matt has a great body, loves the same shows as Martha, and exudes a level of self-confidence unlike any other man she's ever met.

There will always be different attributes we value in different people, and love interests are no exception.

But the key questions to be asked are:

Whom do I see myself in a relationship with for the long haul?
Whom am I most compatible with?
Whom do I clash less with?
Whom would I be prouder introducing to my parents and friends?
Whose personality most closely mirrors mine?

It might be a close finish, but one person will usually edge out the other.

It's important to make a decision as soon as possible. You don't want any of these individuals to feel as though they're being strung along. You can't have your cake and eat it too -- we're talking about people's feelings here.

Once you've made your choice, you may experience some buyer's remorse over time. Maybe you'll gradually realize that you made the wrong decision. You never know -- the person you turned down might welcome you with open arms. But if he or she is already taken or no longer interested, you should respect the person's wishes and move on. Hopefully, the two of you can remain friends.

There's no reason to think that we can't be in love with two people at the same time. The extent of those feelings, however, depend on myriad factors. In most cases, something about one person will be a deal breaker, or close to it. Maybe he has money problems, doesn't want kids, or is a hardcore atheist. Or, there are certain qualities one person has that clearly outshine the other's, e.g., one of the guys volunteers at a hospital to help sick children.

It's up to you to decide which person would make a better partner. It all boils down to whom you can't see yourself living without.

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

An important note to women about men and attraction

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters. Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect. And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them. However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway). Granted, if you're not lookin...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog