Key difference between infatuation and love

Many people don't know how to tell the difference between love and infatuation.

Here's the chief differentiator in a nutshell:

When you're infatuated by someone, you perceive them to be perfect for you without even knowing them that well.

When you truly love or are in love with someone, they're perfect in your eyes despite their known imperfections.

In other words, mere infatuation is conducive to an "ignorance is bliss" mindset. In the early stages of a relationship, when you're still unaware of a person's flaws, all you have to go on are their looks, words, and gestures, which together form your initial impression of them.

You can't be certain everything they've told you about themselves is true, but you're so taken with the person -- especially after being showered with cutesy gifts and/or notes -- that you're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

However, you can't really love someone until you know more about them on a deeper level -- and I'm not just talking about their choice of career and their favorite foods.

Before even thinking about the "l" word, ask yourself the following:

Does this person share my beliefs and values?
Has he or she done anything egregious that could lead me to question whether I want to get serious with them (e.g., cheated on an ex, racked up serious debt, flunked out of college)?
Can I see him or her getting along with my friends and family?
Do we have similar hobbies and interests?

Not surprisingly, many people won't divulge details on the more personal aspects of their lives until they've built a certain level of trust in the other person. Plus, people try to put their best forward at the outset, and mentioning things like being broke won't reflect favorably on anyone.

Hopefully, neither person decides to leave skeletons (if any) in the closet too long, which may potentially jeopardize an otherwise stable, long-term relationship should the person discover them by accident. Transparency is always the best policy.

Whatever your past or foibles, the other person has a right to know anything you've been hiding so that they can decide for themselves whether they see a future with you in light of that information. Keeping things from the other person will pave the way for a relationship built on lies and deceit. If you can't trust the person, the relationship is destined for failure.

If, after getting a good sense of their beliefs, attitudes, shortcomings, and past, you feel the positives still outweigh the negatives -- if you still see yourself being with him or her over the long haul -- then it's much more feasible that what you feel is love. To be infatuated, however, is to admire or lust for someone, but the feelings are on a much more superficial level since you don't know them that well yet.

Unfortunately, many people mistake one for the other, leading to far too many broken hearts and ill-fated relationships. Don't rush into telling someone you love them until you're absolutely certain that is the case. At the same time, if your partner tells you he or she loves you after only a couple of dates, it should raise red flags for sure.

Women vs. Men: Who likes to backstab more?

Whether it's on TV or in the workplace, the general consensus seems to be that women gossip, backstab, and stir up more conflict than men do. But, as with every other topic, I thought it only fair to put this so-called stereotype under the microscope. If you watch reality shows like Celebrity Apprentice, you'll notice it's the women who spend far more time bickering. While the men do at times become embroiled in tit for tat, it's the women who are portrayed as meaner and more hostile. In the workplace, I have noticed that women seem to gossip far more than their male counterparts. I haven't really seen any cases where a person blatantly backstabs the other, but I have caught both men and women in little white lies. If it is true that women are generally more into backstabbing and gossiping than men, why is this the case? I believe that it isn't fair to make a blanket statement like "all women play these games while all men keep to themselves and pre...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

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