Most of us can point to at least one toxic person in our lives whom we detest but for one reason or another have to put up with. Maybe it's a mercurial boss or meddling in-law, or a friend-of-a-friend who rubs you the wrong way.  Then there are those who perhaps weren't toxic in the beginning but have become so over time -- a friend or partner, perhaps. In such cases, we have the power to cut them loose, but seem unable to pull the trigger. Here's why this can be so difficult:  1 . We still care about them . It isn't easy to part ways cold turkey with someone you've known for a long time -- one you've built special, indelible memories with. Just because they've become a shell of their former self doesn't mean we've lost sense of who and how they were in the beginning.  2. They refuse to let you go . Whether it's that they're possessive or deep down they still hold deep feelings for you, they might stop at nothing to foil your plans to call th...

Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.  Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.  But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing." When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will. However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void. This is problematic in more ways than one. Ask yourself these point-blank questions: 1. What if they were to betray you? 2. What if they were to move and forget about you? 3. What if they were to cheat? 4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely? 5. What if they were to pass away? I'm ...

Chances are you're wondering what on Earth being phubbed even means.  Phubbing is the act of snubbing someone by giving your attention to your phone. In essence, the word combines "phone" and "snub." Phubbing is unquestionably a byproduct of the ubiquitious nature of smart devices. More and more people find themselves glued to their screens, whether at work, the gym, the grocery store, or the movies.  Phubbing can involve deliberately ignoring someone who is attempting to talk to you. But in most cases, snubbing isn't necessarily done in malice. We just get distracted and pay more attention to the phone than the person in front of you.  This behavior, which can easily be construed as rudeness, can have a material impact on relationships. In fact, studies show that people who have been "phubbed" by their romantic partner are more disposed to snoop on their partner’s texts, social media posts, and other digital communications. This is a recipe for tw...

In light of all the reshuffling that Covid has produced in the workplace, there's now a popular phrase being used to describe when workers essentially "check out" and do the least possible to keep their jobs while searching for better opportunities on the down low: quiet quitting.  This had me thinking: Could quiet quitting not also be applied to relationships? Indeed, many of us have been in that unfortunate situation: Our partner unofficially quits on us and the relationship by doing the absolute minimum. Once we confront them about their not pulling their weight, they become defensive if not downright hostile, charging that we're being overdramatic. Easy for them to say, right?  Carrying the entire relationship on one's shoulders is a major cross to bear. When we suspect our partner isn't doing their part, it can be mentally and emotionally devastating.  All kinds of unpleasant thoughts begin to cross our minds. Are they cheating? Are they no longer attract...

I'm often asked how one can determine whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if it's time to put it out to pasture once and for all.  Let's face it: Relationships are hard. Through their ups and downs, their twists and turns, maintaining them takes a great deal of time and energy.  It's when one or both partners no longer care to invest said time and energy that it may be time to pull the plug.  Because a relationship cannot be carried on only one person's shoulders, and it certainly cannot maintain itself. I've found myself grasping to keep ties with a particular person strong only because of our shared history. But once I realized that they didn't value that history as deeply as I did, I asked myself, "What's the point?" I'm all for doing everything in your power to reinvigorate the relationship before throwing in the towel. But in the process, one must assess whether the other individual is doing their part. Are they initiating ca...

We were all taught back in grade school that we ought to treat others with the same level of respect that we expect in return. Or so I thought. Sadly, some of today's adults were either absent when the lesson was taught, or it fell entirely on deaf ears. I've run across many people -- whether in school, the workplace, or elsewhere -- who think this so-called Golden Rule doesn't apply to them. They believe they have agency to treat others like dirt -- all while expecting those very people to shower them with kindness and civility.  This plays out all the time at work with toxic bosses who go on unrestrained power trips. They think that just because they possess the ability to fire their subordinates, they should be groveled to. In their minds, expletives are fair game and borderline abusive behavior is permissible.  A similar dynamic can be observed in some relationships. Whether it's because they're better looking, far wealthier, or more socially connected, some ind...

Studies show that fewer positive non-verbal behaviors exchanged between you and your partner-- including smiling, leaning in, a pat on the back, and a wink -- may portend trouble in your relationship. Indeed, "how" you say something appears to reveal more than "what" you say.  Chances are, you've heard over the years that most communication is nonverbal, and this study bears that out. An analysis of the predictive power of non-verbal and verbal behaviors demonstrated that positive non-verbal behaviors predict higher relationship satisfaction later on.  This should come as no surprise. After all, people can conceal their true motives and feelings by lying (verbal), but it isn't as easy to fake their body language (nonverbal). Our gestures (or lack thereof) and overall posture tend to give away whether we're feeling happy and engaged or bored and dissatisfied. If few to no positive non-verbal behaviors are evident, it likely suggests a fissure in the relat...

In the past few years, how many times would you say you've been hurt by someone you care deeply about? Too many to count, right? Maybe you were cheated on, lied to, or ignored outright. Perhaps the incident came about at work, school, or home.  As unsettling as the pain can be, you must remind yourself that such feelings won't linger forever. However, you have to do your part to get the wheels rolling.  What I've observed that holds so many people back from conquering the hurt is that they fail to acknowledge it in the first place.  And men are especially prone to this form of denial. Indeed, it's tempting for us to sweep the feelings under the rug as if nothing happened, or to carry on believing they'll fade away on their own. On the contrary, this wrong-headed approach causes those feelings to fester. Denial provides the very fuel for intensification, like warm water powering a hurricane ever more. This, in turn, produces doubt and blame, which can snowball into a...

The past two or three years have felt like something of a blur -- a weird dream of sorts that we can't seem to wake up from. We'd never before experienced a pandemic in our lifetimes, and neither had our parents or likely even our grandparents. Between lockdowns and social distancing/mask mandates, COVID-19 seemed the perfect recipe for isolation and all of the adverse outcomes that spring from it, including anxiety and depression.  Now, this isn't to say that we've all felt helplessly lonely during these rather unusual times. Introverts -- those like me who recharge through solitude -- have welcomed with open arms some of the changes brought on by the pandemic. Among them are wider acceptance of staying home rather than partying out, people settling for WhatsApp video conversations vs. face-to-face encounters, and, at last, companies giving employees the flexibility to work from home regularly.  Still, the more extroverted folks among us who relish in-person connection...