Studies show that fewer positive non-verbal behaviors exchanged between you and your partner-- including smiling, leaning in, a pat on the back, and a wink -- may portend trouble in your relationship. Indeed, "how" you say something appears to reveal more than "what" you say.
Chances are, you've heard over the years that most communication is nonverbal, and this study bears that out.
An analysis of the predictive power of non-verbal and verbal behaviors demonstrated that positive non-verbal behaviors predict higher relationship satisfaction later on.
This should come as no surprise. After all, people can conceal their true motives and feelings by lying (verbal), but it isn't as easy to fake their body language (nonverbal). Our gestures (or lack thereof) and overall posture tend to give away whether we're feeling happy and engaged or bored and dissatisfied. If few to no positive non-verbal behaviors are evident, it likely suggests a fissure in the relationship.
We've all witnessed positive non-verbal behaviors on dates or interviews (e.g., wide smiles, open palms, a touching of the arm) that have led us to believe that a job offer or second date is clearly in the offing. It doesn't mean we're right 100% of the time, but as I alluded to earlier, non-verbal cues are often the best way to gauge whether someone is genuinely into you.
Further, we might show someone we care by giving them a hug, cuddling up with them, or smiling at them. By some estimates, non-verbal behaviors account for 60% of communication, with 30% alone attributed to the tone we use. This means that words aren't as significant as some people make them out to be.
In the healthiest relationships, a person's words, body language, and actions are all in harmony. If one is incongruent with the rest, it means the person isn't being entirely forthcoming about how they feel or what they intend to do.
Trust, honesty, and open communication undergird those relationships that are poised to last. Without these essential pillars, two individuals may find themselves on the road to breakup or divorce in short order.
It isn't to say that a dearth of nonverbal cues spells the end for sure, but per the research, it may signal that problems may manifest down the road.
To be fair, some partners are more expressive than others. But if you find that yours never smiles and persistently exhibits closed body language/posture, you may want to get to the bottom of it. Ironically, sometimes what isn't said counts more than what is.
To what extent does your partner provide non-verbal cues and support? Do you do the same? If not, it could indicate a relationship beginning to lose steam.
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