I'm often asked how one can determine whether a relationship is worth salvaging, or if it's time to put it out to pasture once and for all.  Let's face it: Relationships are hard. Through their ups and downs, their twists and turns, maintaining them takes a great deal of time and energy.  It's when one or both partners no longer care to invest said time and energy that it may be time to pull the plug.  Because a relationship cannot be carried on only one person's shoulders, and it certainly cannot maintain itself. I've found myself grasping to keep ties with a particular person strong only because of our shared history. But once I realized that they didn't value that history as deeply as I did, I asked myself, "What's the point?" I'm all for doing everything in your power to reinvigorate the relationship before throwing in the towel. But in the process, one must assess whether the other individual is doing their part. Are they initiating ca...

We were all taught back in grade school that we ought to treat others with the same level of respect that we expect in return. Or so I thought. Sadly, some of today's adults were either absent when the lesson was taught, or it fell entirely on deaf ears. I've run across many people -- whether in school, the workplace, or elsewhere -- who think this so-called Golden Rule doesn't apply to them. They believe they have agency to treat others like dirt -- all while expecting those very people to shower them with kindness and civility.  This plays out all the time at work with toxic bosses who go on unrestrained power trips. They think that just because they possess the ability to fire their subordinates, they should be groveled to. In their minds, expletives are fair game and borderline abusive behavior is permissible.  A similar dynamic can be observed in some relationships. Whether it's because they're better looking, far wealthier, or more socially connected, some ind...

Studies show that fewer positive non-verbal behaviors exchanged between you and your partner-- including smiling, leaning in, a pat on the back, and a wink -- may portend trouble in your relationship. Indeed, "how" you say something appears to reveal more than "what" you say.  Chances are, you've heard over the years that most communication is nonverbal, and this study bears that out. An analysis of the predictive power of non-verbal and verbal behaviors demonstrated that positive non-verbal behaviors predict higher relationship satisfaction later on.  This should come as no surprise. After all, people can conceal their true motives and feelings by lying (verbal), but it isn't as easy to fake their body language (nonverbal). Our gestures (or lack thereof) and overall posture tend to give away whether we're feeling happy and engaged or bored and dissatisfied. If few to no positive non-verbal behaviors are evident, it likely suggests a fissure in the relat...

In the past few years, how many times would you say you've been hurt by someone you care deeply about? Too many to count, right? Maybe you were cheated on, lied to, or ignored outright. Perhaps the incident came about at work, school, or home.  As unsettling as the pain can be, you must remind yourself that such feelings won't linger forever. However, you have to do your part to get the wheels rolling.  What I've observed that holds so many people back from conquering the hurt is that they fail to acknowledge it in the first place.  And men are especially prone to this form of denial. Indeed, it's tempting for us to sweep the feelings under the rug as if nothing happened, or to carry on believing they'll fade away on their own. On the contrary, this wrong-headed approach causes those feelings to fester. Denial provides the very fuel for intensification, like warm water powering a hurricane ever more. This, in turn, produces doubt and blame, which can snowball into a...

The past two or three years have felt like something of a blur -- a weird dream of sorts that we can't seem to wake up from. We'd never before experienced a pandemic in our lifetimes, and neither had our parents or likely even our grandparents. Between lockdowns and social distancing/mask mandates, COVID-19 seemed the perfect recipe for isolation and all of the adverse outcomes that spring from it, including anxiety and depression.  Now, this isn't to say that we've all felt helplessly lonely during these rather unusual times. Introverts -- those like me who recharge through solitude -- have welcomed with open arms some of the changes brought on by the pandemic. Among them are wider acceptance of staying home rather than partying out, people settling for WhatsApp video conversations vs. face-to-face encounters, and, at last, companies giving employees the flexibility to work from home regularly.  Still, the more extroverted folks among us who relish in-person connection...

Steer clear of those who fail to reciprocate the kindness and respect you grant them. Perhaps you've given them ample opportunities to clean up their act, to no avail. Maybe you've held out this long because you saw potential in the relationship or anticipated they might change. Or perhaps relations only recently broke down.  The fact of the matter is that everyone deserves to be treated in a kind, gracious matter.  The whole point of being in a relationship -- whether friendly or romantic -- is to experience/exchange love, warmth, loyalty, and respect. If the relationship is devoid of these, there's really no point to it.  If you're not being treated fairly, you have to question why. If it's something you did, presumably you issued an apology at some point that was accepted. He or she could have very well kicked you out of their life at that point rather than string you along as a form of retribution. And if you've done nothing wrong, perhaps you're being t...

Many people don't realize just how detrimental a lack of self-disclosure can be to a relationship. How frequently do you share your feelings with your partner? Do they share their feelings with you?  Emotional self-disclosure, the exchange of intimate feelings, is instrumental to a relationship's health. One person speaks, and the other listens intently, provides validation, and demonstrates they care. And vice-versa.  The responsiveness of the listener is integral to self-disclosure, building trust and intimacy.  When people no longer share their feelings with a partner -- or share them with someone else instead -- the partner loses an opportunity to build their relationship and the relationship in turn suffers. When this becomes a habit, it may very well indicate that someone is oriented away from a relationship rather than toward it.  A lack emotional intimacy and transparency tends to characterize relationships between casual lovers or acquaintances. That isn't ...

It isn't always easy to kiss someone in your life goodbye. When it comes to toxic folks who put our happiness at risk, however, it should be a no brainer.  Naturally, we want to surround ourselves with individuals who make us laugh, help us grow, and stand by us in good times and bad ones.  But it's inevitable that, along the way, we will encounter some rotten eggs -- those who seemingly can't bear the thought of anyone but them being happy.  Jettison people in your life who are corrosive to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Whether it's a friend, partner, relative, or acquaintance, there is no place in your orbit for somebody who's bent on making you miserable. Life is too short for that, and you deserve better. I've have had to sever ties with friends -- or so I thought they were friends -- who ended up turning against me.  Perhaps they were jealous of my good grades or other friends whom they felt threatened by. Whatever the reason, I pulled th...

The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...