How To Understand People

When someone feels no remorse over cheating on their partner, it only means they never cared for them in the first place. Think about the world of hurt that revelations of infidelity can put the victim in. It's like taking a knife and stabbing the person right in the heart. Studies have shown that emotional pain can be just as damaging -- if not more so -- than physical pain. And when one experiences this form of betrayal, it can feel as though their world has come crashing down. Imagine investing your time, effort, and emotions in someone who chose to throw it all away in an act (or several) of pure selfishness. The least they could do is fess up and allow their partner to find someone who will actually value their loyalty. Unfortunately, it's very hard to discern early into the relationship whether your partner is prone to cheating, or will slip at some point. (It isn't as if you're going to put out feelers by asking his friends or relatives whether he...

So you've made mistakes in the past you're not entirely proud of. Maybe you cheated on a wonderful woman that you envisioned yourself marrying someday. Perhaps you passed on what seemed life a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity. Or maybe you told a good friend something you knew you couldn't take back once the words came out of your mouth, effectively ending that friendship. We've all had moments we wish we could redo, but the fact of the matter is that life doesn't afford us the opportunity to travel back in time. As hard as it may be, you must accept the fact that it is all behind you now. The past cannot be changed. All you can do is move forward. Beating yourself up over what you did won't do you any good. If anything, it only makes it more difficult to crawl out of his hole, mentally and emotionally. The key is that you learned a valuable lesson and can assure yourself moving forward that you won't make the same mistake again. Because, i...

Many of us would say that we loathe uncertainty. If it were up to us, every day would play out like a familiar script. But there comes a time where we have no choice but to venture into unchartered waters -- whether it concerns landing a new job; grappling with a new health condition; or making a large purchase, such as a new home. Stress is inevitable. You're likely to second guess your decisions. And, worst of all, you're bound to start down the slippery slope of imagining the absolute worst. If these feelings aren't reined in, they can lead to adverse outcomes like anxiety and depression. While some might advise you to simply think positively, I think a far more effective approach is to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  Think about it: What are the chances of the worst coming to pass? Very slim, of course. Usually we end up dreaming up scenarios in our head that come nowhere near reality. Still, there is always a slight possibility that the job ...

"Well done is better than well said" is a popular axiom you may have heard before. Can you guess who came up with it? (Hint: He appears in the image featured in this post.) Well, it is attributed to none other than Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790). To say this Founding Father of the United States had an impressive is an understatement. He was a printer, author, political theorist, postmaster, diplomat, inventor, scientist, humorist, civic activist, statesman, among other things. Essentially, what Franklin is saying that, while words are nice, one's actions ultimately carry far more meaning. Put simply, actions speak louder than words. And we all know from experience that while many people can talk the talk, not everyone can walk the walk. Maybe you were once in a relationship with someone who claimed he cared about you, but never invested the time and energy you did. Or perhaps you had a friend who never seemed to be there when you needed her most, even tho...

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...

Whether it's that they're having a bad day, are mad at you because you made an innocent mistake, or they're just a difficult person by nature, no one has the right to put you down. If their meltdown is followed by an apology you deem to be sincere, life moves on. But if you find that these outbursts occur quite frequently, or if the person has a knack for pinning the blame on you when something goes wrong, it's important you stand up for yourself.  Otherwise, they'll think they have permission to treat you with disrespect.  Standing up for oneself doesn't mean you have to disparage the individual, firing off expletives, throwing things at them, and essentially stooping to his or level.  You can be firm and civil at the same time. In fact, you would merely be admonishing on their petty behavior: They should watch their language and tone it down, or there will he consequences. Such consequences may include reporting them to human resource...

My readers often ask me why so many people out there are frenetically searching for love. Perhaps you have a friend, relative, or co-worker who appears preoccupied with finding "the one." My pointed response is that the media -- and that includes social media -- plays an integral role. From dating apps like Tinder and Facebook posts about people professing their love for their partner to stories in the news centering on blissful marriages and a seemingly endless stream of songs about break-ups, society promulgates the following message: Being with someone is a good thing. Being single is not. If you don't have anyone in your life, it just isn't whole. Something is missing, and you'll only be able to be happy and fill the void once you pair up. This, of course, is silly. I have a slew of readers who count themselves among the happily single. They don't feel empty or broken because they don't have a partner. On the contrary: Many are reliev...

Ah, the friend zone... that dreaded place no one who's head over heels ever wants to venture to. When someone we care deeply for thinks of us only as a friend, a whole host of emotions can come over us -- from embarrassment to sadness to hopelessness. But we needn't despair. Here's what can happen going forward: 1. Once we realize the feelings aren't being reciprocated, we may decide to move on, causing the relationship to fizzle out. 2. We accept that the person wishes to keep it platonic and we carry on as friends. 3. We continue to pursue them even though they've made it clear they don't hold the same feelings for us. In this scenario, they may feel badgered and tell us to leave them alone. Or, they may eventually give in, much to our delight. Most of us have been friend zoned at one point or another. We have to remind ourselves that it's not the end of the world, even though we convince ourselves that we'll never find anyone as wonder...

It's a fact of life: Whether at work, on the dating circuit, or even in our own families, we come across people who try to undermine us. Our first instinct may be to try to prove them wrong. But this is precisely what you shouldn't do. The quicker one realizes that their happiness doesn't depend on anyone but themselves, the faster they can enjoy the sweet smell of life fulfillment. Here are a few tips for dealing with such individuals. 1. Don't let them get the best of you. It's only natural to become defensive when someone attempts to make you feel small. But it can only bother you if you allow them to. As hard as it may be, you must keep your emotions in check. Rather than indulging them in a shouting match, walk away. 2. Don't seek their validation. Striving to obtain others' approval communicates a few things: (a) You think they're above you (b) You think they're right and you're wrong (c) You wish to be more like them than your ...

It's safe to say that all of us lie here and there. Whoever says they never do it is, well, lying! From fibbing on our resume to sprinkling a few white lies on dates in order to make a good impression, there's no denying everyone stretches the truth at times. However, there's a certain group of people out there who lie compulsively and deliberately. They don't care what they have to say or do to get their way, and they're oblivious to others' feelings. For example, there are men who will say just about anything to get as many women in bed as possible -- whether it's showering the women with compliments that don't come from the heart, or lying about their net worth. On the flip side, there are women who deceive men into thinking they really care about them just so the men can buy them anything they wish. These people have mastered the art of lying -- so much so that it has become second nature to them. However, their deceit catches up with...

Have you ever been in a relationship devoid of trust? Did it ultimately break down because you simply couldn't confide in your partner? When trust evaporates in a relationship, it becomes very difficult -- if not impossible -- to restore. Trust is as integral to a relationship as honesty, love, communication, kindness, and loyalty.  Trusting the other person is our decision, but it is their choice to value our trust and demonstrate that they're deserving of it. If you have to play detective in your relationship, then the trust just isn't there. If you have to second-guess their every move because they keep you on edge all the time, trust is non-existent. It is at that point that one must do whatever is necessary to build or restore it, or simply call the relationship quits. Here are just some of the ways trust in a partner can cease to exist: They lie to us. This can take a host of forms (e.g., cheating, feigning their love, etc.)  They steal from us....

If I were to ask you what might make someone in your life -- whether a friend or dating prospect -- build a deep affection for you, what would you say? Your first instinct might be to respond with, "Doing nice things for them." Ironically, though, research has shown that we can actually get people to care about us more by having them do favors for us.  At first blush, this might seem rather counterintuitive, but it actually makes perfect sense. We have an affinity for the things and people we invest resources in -- whether time or money. So if we're taking time out of our busy day for someone, we start to think, "Hey, I must really care about this individual if I'm going the extra mile." Sure, if people do nice things for us, we can form a favorable impression of them. But it isn't until we find ourselves going out of our way for them that we realize they may very well occupy a special place in our heart. If being nice alone did the trick...