How To Understand People

In my most recent post, I stressed the importance of taking a few moments every once in a while to mentally transport yourself back to a memorable time in your life -- whether it's your days in college or the first months into your relationship -- via pictures or music. Doing so stirs up positive feelings, especially if, for whatever reason, you want to mentally escape from the present. Another observation I've made is that our fondest memories seem to involve starting or ending something. This makes complete sense, as we often commemorate beginnings and endings: When babies are born (the start of life) Paying respects to someone who has passed (end of life) Starting grade school Leaving grade school  Starting college  Leaving college to enter the real world Starting a new relationship Marriage Your first sexual experience (losing your virginity) Your first kiss  Your first date Starting a job (especially your first one) Resigning and leaving a company af...

History is my second favorite subject to read and learn about (after psychology). While I love to delve into such topics as the Founding Fathers and Civil War, I also like looking back on key events and milestones in my own life -- my "life's history," if you will. I think it's important to take a little time every so often to reflect on your life and ponder the ways in which you've grown as a person over the last 2, 5, even 10 years. It's hard to believe that this year marks the 10-year anniversary of my wife and I hooking up. As a way to commemorate the milestone, I've been looking at albums that contain pictures taken in 2005, as well as listening to songs on my iPod that came out and were popular at that time. The early years of our relationship coincided with my final 2 years in college, so Iately I have been having flashes of myself walking to class and studying for exams. I think we're always more likely to reflect fondly on even...

In life, you can mourn the loss of a friend in two ways: 1. He or she passes away 2. He or she becomes a completely different person over time, diluting and possibly ending your once-fantastic friendship. (The friendship may also end as a result of simmering conflict or following a big argument between you two.) For this post, I'll focus only on #2. As I have noted in prior posts, with people, the only constant in life is change. Changing circumstances -- a new career, marriage, children, relocation -- redirect our energies and either leave us with limited time for friendships or prompt us to forge new ones. People like me, despite whatever life throws at us, make the effort to keep in touch with close friends. I'd like to think that I haven't changed much since high school, except for the obvious (married, full time job, mortgage, etc.). Unfortunately, some people are better than others at balancing the demands of work, family, and a social life. Several people ...

They say women are usually better at making and keeping friends than men are, and I have certainly found this to be the case in my own life -- with male friends and family members alike. In general (not always the case, but very often so), women seem to be more accessible, reliable, and consistent than men. Men tend to be a little more standoffish, usually off doing their own thing. Some of my male friends, on different occasions over the years, have used words like "emotional" and "dramatic" to describe me. To be completely honest, I can't exactly refute those claims. Once you're someone I care deeply about and have invested plenty of time in, I can become rather sensitive if I perceive I've been slighted or taken advantage of by you. In other words, I feel that I "keep score" and read into things a lot more than my male buddies. I don't take kindly to friends kicking me to the curb whenever they enter into a new relationship. Why? ...

You set yourself up for disappointment every time you expect someone to think and behave as you do. You may expect a person to act a certain way in a given situation, but it doesn't always pan out that way, unfortunately. How many times has someone done something to disappoint you, after which you expected an apology that never came to fruition? How many one-sided friendships or relationships have you been in where only you invested time and energy in them? While some people can be relied upon, others are only out for themselves -- all the time. Whether it's someone you call a close friend or a mere acquaintance, people can turn their backs on you at any moment. That's why it's important never to expect too much from anyone, as cynical as that may sound. The only one you can fully depend on is yourself. Over time, people change, as do their lives. While change can be for the better, it is sometimes for the worse, as far as our friendships and relationships go. ...

People will serve up all kinds of excuses for why they decide to cheat, among them: The passion in the relationship/marriage is gone Lack of an emotional connection One partner works too much or is always away on business Lack of sex Lack of excitement and spontaneity An inextinguishable attraction for someone else drove them to cheat The lover is providing something the cheater is currently lacking (money, affection, etc.) "It just happened" "I needed a break from marriage and kids" It sickens me that so many people try to get away with being unfaithful. Those who want the cake and want to eat it too -- having a relationship or affair on the side while pretending everything with his or her partner is hunky-dory -- are downright selfish and despicable in my book.   Both men and women do this, even though statistics show it's men who generally cheat more. Even if the person's modus operandi is to keep the cheating under wraps for fear of get...

In this day and age of such rapid technological change, anyone who still utters the words "I'm bored" deserves, at the very least, a slap on the wrists. I think our ancestors would be turning in their graves at such a pronouncement considering all that technology has made possible. In their lifetime, all they could really look forward to were leisurely pursuits like reading and writing (my personal favorite even now), knitting, and storytelling. Our generation, on the other hand, has the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google, Apple, Amazon -- you name it. Sometimes we definitely take what we have for granted. Back in colonial times, people had to ride a horse for days of not weeks just to reach another city -- let alone a different state. There's so much we can do nowadays, whether or not we avail of the latest technology. Charities could always use another pair of hands. Cities everywhere are teeming with parks, gyms, shopping centers, movie theater ...

We all have friends who do this, or perhaps you're guilty of having done it yourself. Some people have the unpleasant habit of abandoning their friends once they enter into a relationship. In fact, two of my high school buddies ditched our circle of friends once they hooked up with their now wives. And one of my closest friends only recently began dating a girl at work and has since fallen off the map. I take immense pride in the fact that even when my now-wife and I were in the so-called "honeymoon phase," we still made time for friends, whether mutual or otherwise. This same love-struck friend who is now too busy to even give me a call was often the third wheel on outings with my wife and I. Isn't it funny how some people can change so drastically? Moreover, certain people become so consumed with their new relationship that they lose sight of the fact that they have others in their life who also care about and wish to communicate -- at least occasionally -- wi...

Per www.the-numbers.com, here's a breakdown of gross revenues generated by movie genre from 1995 to 2015: Comedy - $39.4 billion (22.1% market share) Adventure - $38.9 billion (21.8% market share) Action - $30.6 billion (17.1% market share) Drama - $30.2 billion (16.9% market share) Thriller/Suspense - $15.2 billion (8.58% market share) Romantic Comedy - $9.2 billion (5.18% market share) Horror - $8.0 billion (4.50% market share) Musical - $1.9 billion (1.07% market share) Documentary - $1.8 billion (1.06% market share) I'm so glad to see Comedy atop the list, as it's far and away my favorite movie genre. My second choice would be Action, which sits comfortably in third place with a hefty $30 billion. What I found most surprising is that the Horror category has taken in $8 billion over the 20-year span.  "Why?" you might ask. Going back to my early childhood, I have never been a fan of gory movies, and that includes even the most popular ...

We all know at least one person who has squandered his or her money and ended up in dire financial straits, leaving parents, friends, or a spouse with the burden of bailing the individual out. But it doesn't have to be this way! Judging from what people who have ended up as such have told me, I've narrowed down the reasons why people go broke to two primary ones: 1. They want to show off : Some people have a compulsion to have the latest and greatest. Whether it's the newest car or smart phone, they're not satisfied unless their stuff has all the bells and whistles. They wouldn't be caught dead with something that doesn't have the Louis Vuitton, Coach, or Michael Kors logo on it. What these consumers fail to realize that premium brands come with a high price tag. What's more, it's easier to become more oblivious to just how much you're spending when you're using plastic rather than paper. Is it any wonder these people rack up ever-increasin...

Did you know that we, as consumers, typically go through a 4-pronged process once we set out to make a purchase? Indeed, the Consumer Decision-Making Process consists of the following steps: 1. Need Recognition : A need is identified -- say, to buy something to wear for a job interview -- that the consumer now aims to satisfy. 2. Information Search : Now that the need has been established, the next step is to due my due diligence on what "look" would be appropriate for the firm in question. Obviously, I would have to research the company and see whether it would be more appropriate to wear business attire or something a little less formal. I can do this by either looking online or asking people who have worked there at one point or another. If I'm interviewing with an advertising agency, it's likely they'll be much more accepting of a polo shirt and jeans than a mutual funds firm would. 3. Evaluation of alternatives : Assuming I determined that a business...

Consumers generally try to expend as little brain power as necessary before and while shopping. For example, most of us would easily be swayed into buying a particular product after seeing the word "Sale" slapped on the price tag. But did you know that retailers generally mark up the price so much to begin that you're not getting much of a deal at all? Thanks to advertising, we've come to associate words like "sale" and "discount" with must-have products. Unfortunately, very few of us actually take the time to tally everything up en route to the cash register and determine whether we're truly scoring a bargain. Marketers know that unless they can lead you to think you're getting a deal, they'll likely have a hard time getting you to open that wallet. Marketing is all about psychology. More specifically, marketing is all about perception. You don't need to be getting a spectacular deal -- you just need to think you are. Even...

Have you ever considered that you could have come into this world as a plant or animal? It's interesting to mull the possibilities. If we had been born animals or plants, it's possible we could have been someone or something's lunch a long time ago. In a way, it makes me feel bad for these living organisms, as I doubt they realize they could be made prey at a moment's notice. Then again, many of the animals feed on other creatures to survive. Imagine not being able to communicate as a human does, and roaming the wild (feral animals) or streets (domesticated animals). In the case of plants, they also stand the risk of being pulled or drying up. As human beings, we can reflect on our lives, bask in our accomplishments, and strive to meet goals every day. But what about animals and plants? Studies have proven that animals and plants have feelings and can actually suffer. Do they aim for anything in particular? What comes to mind is pretty clear-cut: caring fo...

Have you noticed that the more we look forward to something, the more disappointed we can be once we're experiencing it? For example, we spend the entire work week yearning for Friday to come. Once Friday evening arrives, the weekend goes by in a snap, and you hardly get to enjoy it because of all the things you have to do (kids, groceries, laundry, etc). Here are some other examples: Looking forward to eating at a specific restaurant but not liking the food, service, or ambiance once there Looking forward to meeting a blind date and winding up disappointed Longing to buy a product -- whether it's a car or cell phone -- and not enjoying it like you'd anticipated once it's in your possession Dying to finish college so you can enter the real world, yet once you're in that real world, you wish you could go back to college Having high hopes at a new job, only to be left disappointed once you realize the job isn't what you had in mind Thinking someone you...

Greetings guys, I decided to spruce up the blog's appearance a bit. As you'll see now when you visit How to Understand People , I went for a cleaner look that I feel will enhance the overall guest experience. I will continue to incorporate new features as we go along. Let me know what you think! Thanks, Jeff

In one of my recent posts, I discussed that many women gravitate toward men who have great dance skills. Several of you on this blog concurred. Now I'd like to touch upon another type of man known to make many women weak at the knees: the uniformed one. Take my college friend Sandy. Every guy she has dated has been in the army, navy, or marines -- including a high school buddy of mine. What is it about men in uniform that drives some women crazy? I would suppose that they're drawn to men in positions of authority. In their minds, by dating a cop, firefighter, or someone in the military, for example, they secure someone who can "protect" them. It could also be that, to these women, the uniforms make the men ooze loads of sexiness and heaps of self-confidence. The fact is that women are accustomed to seeing men in regular dress clothes (polos, shirt and tie, etc.), so a man in uniform tends to stand out. I think it's silly, though, for women to limit the...

Today's quote of the day comes from Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826). Not only was he was the third president of the United States, but the revered Founding Father also wrote the Declaration of Independence, founded the University of Virginia, and pulled off the Louisiana Purchase, among other notable accomplishments. "It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness." - Thomas Jefferson I think what Thomas Jefferson was trying to say in a nutshell is that it's the simple things in life that truly hold value and brings us true joy. Reading a great book, taking a tranquil walk around the park, connecting with nature, petting your cat -- it's these simple moments that makes us the happiest, yet we often take them for granted. Instead, we become overly focused on acquiring more and more material possessions, being promoted into jobs that require longer hours and thus more time away from our families, and so on. I think th...

In my experience, nothing adversely affects a friendship more than the following: Broken trust because of a lie or some other misdeed Distance (one or both parties move) Change of lifestyle (someone gets married, has kids, etc.) I've had friendships with certain people end for one or more of these reasons. And even the ones I've been able to maintain to this day have been tested by at least one of the above circumstances.  Keeping a friendship these days is not easy work. We all seem to be getting busier and busier with each passing year. But it seems forging new friendships is an even more arduous task. It isn't as easy to do now as it was back in college -- not by a long shot.  That's why it's important to keep the lines of communication open with friends you do want to keep in your life. Carve out a little time each week for a phone call or text message. Whether your friends live hundreds of miles away or right around the corner, you never know w...

As much as I hate to admit it, I normally see the glass as half empty. The same occurs when I notice that my cell phone battery is at 50%. My first impulse is to reach for the water pitcher or charger. I'm usually one to harp on the negative rather than dwell on the positive. I realize it's something I have to work on a bit. However, my sometimes-pessimistic-nature helps me be a lot more perceptive than most people around me. By thinking of the worst possible scenario -- and taking proactive steps to avoid it -- I've kept myself out of trouble. My friends sometimes chide me for being a creature of habit -- one who seldom leaves the comfortable confines of his comfort zone. But I've come to accept and like this about myself. Not everyone is meant to be a spontaneous, happy-go-lucky wanderer. I think people who remain grounded and weigh their options carefully can live a happier life. They're less likely to make hasty, regrettable decisions. My friends know I...

I don't know if it's just me, but I'm noticing that a lot of my friends have been less active on Facebook these days. Are we getting busier, or is the site's popularity starting to wane? About a year ago, I told some of my closest friends that I predicted the social networking behemoth would eventually go the way of MySpace. It's to be expected of all these sites: They are simply fads. Once something new comes along -- I don't know what that will be but I'm sure Google or another of these huge companies has something in the works -- people gravitate toward it. The same applies to a wealth of consumer products we purchase and use every day -- from clothing to cars. I know a lot of people -- myself among them -- who sometimes feel like their friends go overboard by posting on Facebook the most minute details of their lives on a daily basis, from what they're having for dinner to why they hardly got any sleep last night. We all want to keep in touch, bu...

When a person says "He/she is hot," others might assume this individual is digging someone's six pack or long legs. But hotness doesn't always have to translate to good looks alone. One person's definition of "hot" may be completely different than someone else's. When I say a woman is hot, yes, I might be referring to her dazzling appearance. But I may also be describing her as such because she is self-confident or intelligent -- two qualities that, in my view, greatly enhance a woman's overall appeal. To me, a woman who has long, shiny hair is hot, as is the kind who wears glasses and embraces the librarian look. My point is that society and the media make hotness to be all about big boobs and biceps. This couldn't be further from the truth. After all, we mustn't forget that looks fade -- eventually, we all get those pesky wrinkles and a little flab in quite a few places. That said, when contemplating what makes a person "...

Let's face it: The vast majority of people in the western world are extroverts -- they draw their energy outward and thrive on social interaction. We introverts, however, draw our energy inward and become heavily drained by too much social chatter. If introverts don't find a quiet room in which they can recharge, they simply cannot function properly. Maybe it's just me, but I find there to be more introverted men than women. Men generally seem more predisposed to rolling up their sleeves and getting down to business -- they aren't as emotionally-charged and talkative, I find. I have also noticed -- at least at the places I've worked -- that women are usually quicker than men to single out the "quiet one" in the office. "He is so quiet. Why doesn't he talk?" they might wonder. Though some guy may mention a thing or two in passing, it is the women who seem to harp on stuff like this. So, that begs the big question: Does it actually turn a...

We'd all admit that we're all pretty good at doing a couple of things, but there tends to be ONE specific thing we're great at -- and I wanted everyone to share what that thing is. If you're torn between two choices, pick the one you think others would say you're better at. Don't be bashful -- you can be as cocky about it as you'd like! As for me, I've always had an affinity for words. That includes the following: Knowing the definitions to words people have never heard of or seldom use Being proficient at spelling words, even those long, complicated ones Typing -- I type roughly 150 words per minute Writing in various styles -- whether it's succinctly or elaborately  Outstanding editing skills Excellent proofreading abilities I'm a very fast reader -- I devour books like there's no tomorrow I have a nearly photographic memory It's no wonder that writing is my profession. I'm one of the few people out there who can ac...

Being that yesterday, March 8, was International Women's Day, and considering my viewership on this blog is almost exclusively female, I thought it apropos to submit a post today honoring all you wonderful ladies. Without you, this blog wouldn't be what is it today -- a forum and platform on which we not only exchange thoughts and ideas freely, but help one another get through life's toughest battles. To all the moms on the blog: Thank you for all the sacrifices you've made -- and continue to make -- for your children. I will forever be indebted to my mother, grandma, aunt, and sisters -- all amazing women who molded me into the man I am today. I've said it before and I will say it again: Should I ever have a child, I would want it to be female so that I have the opportunity to pay what they've done for me forward. Whether you're married, divorced, single or childfree, each and every one of your voices is highly valued here. The fact that many of you hav...

I'm in a stage of my life where I am having trouble relating to some of my friends and family. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but at certain times it makes for a little awkwardness. My wife and I got married close to a year ago. We don't have kids, and we don't drink. That last sentence tells the whole story. By neither having kids nor the interest to drink, you can build a clear divide between yourself and many of those closest to you. I've noticed that people who have kids tend to drink. Some of those people admit that drinking helps them deal with the stress that children, married life, and their jobs bring. I've also observed that those things I'm deeply interested in (reading, writing, museum hopping, movies) either don't appeal to these people or they just don't have the time for them. As you've probably noticed from earlier posts, I am still ambivalent as to whether I want to have kids. Even if I decide to have one, I still wo...

Do you prefer for your partner to be the bookworm brainy type? Or would you prefer someone more practical who applies his or her knowledge toward solving real-world problems? I suspect that most of my readers will say they prefer the latter. I am of the belief that people should have a little of both. It's obvious that people will tilt toward one side more than the other. The key is to pick a partner who balances you out. For example, despite the fact my wife is a teacher, I feel I am the more intellectual one in the relationship. She doesn't like to read, and some of the documentaries I watch put her to sleep in no time. She also finds writing to be a chore while I can do it all day long -- not only is it my job, it's also my favorite hobby. On the other hand, she is very practical when it comes to fixing and assembling things, cooking, and other "real world" stuff that bores me to no end. Although I can do some things myself, I usually let her assume respo...

This topic hits close to home, as my friendship with my closest friend is all but dead at this juncture. As I wrote in prior posts, he and I have not been seeing eye to eye, and I think I've reached the point where I must come to grips with the fact that, after nearly 12 years, our friendship can no longer be salvaged. So, below I list the 3 things I feel can be fatal to a friendship. I have certainly found this to be the case in my life. 1. Lack of trust/communication: If there's a lack of trust and openness in a friendship, that poses a serious problem. You simply can't be friends with someone you can't confide in. Your friend should be willing to listen to you vent about your girlfriend or be there to help you change a tire should you need him. Communication is also key when it comes to resolving arguments between the two of you. My aforementioned friend happens to do just the opposite -- he has hung up in my face a few times and gives me the silent treatment aft...

I have found that two-day weekends are hardly enough to do everything on my To Do List -- and I don't even have kids!  I can only imagine my time being cut a lot shorter with a little one running around. My wife and I recently bought a condo and here we are, two months later, still in the process of moving in and getting settled. I don't know whose idea it was to have people work five days a week and have only two days off, but I think working four days and having three off seems a lot more fair. After all, once we leave work each day, many businesses -- like insurance companies and banks -- have either closed or are a couple of hours short of doing so. How nice would it be to have Fridays off? That would give us an extra day to run errands so that we have two days left over to spend with our loved ones. I suppose this could be problematic, though, because if those in private industry are off Fridays, that means many of the people working for the companies providing the ser...