It isn't always easy to kiss someone in your life goodbye. When it comes to toxic folks who put our happiness at risk, however, it should be a no brainer.  Naturally, we want to surround ourselves with individuals who make us laugh, help us grow, and stand by us in good times and bad ones.  But it's inevitable that, along the way, we will encounter some rotten eggs -- those who seemingly can't bear the thought of anyone but them being happy.  Jettison people in your life who are corrosive to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Whether it's a friend, partner, relative, or acquaintance, there is no place in your orbit for somebody who's bent on making you miserable. Life is too short for that, and you deserve better. I've have had to sever ties with friends -- or so I thought they were friends -- who ended up turning against me.  Perhaps they were jealous of my good grades or other friends whom they felt threatened by. Whatever the reason, I pulled th...

The pressure society places on us to change can be quite intense. Commercials encouraging us to whip ourselves into shape so that we can look like runway supermodels.  Friends goading us to nix our career dreams in favor of safe, lucrative professions -- from law to medicine -- in which we may have zero interest. Co-workers pressuring us to talk more since our quiet disposition puts them ill at ease.  This can all make us quite tempted to fundamentally change our personality and interests -- to curry favor with others, to win their approval. What these ads and individuals don't tell you is that changing who you are is antithetical to a happy life.  If anything, it's a recipe for adverse physical and emotional health outcomes, potentially leading to anything from eating disorders to anxiety or depression. Do realize that marketers and the people in your own life all have an agenda. The former are trying to appeal to your emotions so as to get you to part with your hard-ear...

When we're in a happy mood -- whether because we nabbed a promotion or landed a date with someone we've had our eye on -- we don't hesitate to express our emotions. We might smile, laugh, cheer, post a buoyant message on social media, or treat your friends to celebratory drinks. But things play out quite differently when we're going through a rough patch in our lives. We might instead hide our emotions -- sadness, anger, jealousy -- because we don't want to worry others or compel them to probe. As a result, we might turn down invitations to attend parties, call it a night unusually early, and shelve the kinds of things we look forward to when we're in better spirits, like hobbies.  There's nothing wrong with playing your cards close to your chest. In particular, I discourage anyone from bringing your feelings to light on social media unless you've altered your settings so that only those closest to you -- the ones you genuinely trust -- see those posts. ...

We all know how easily toxic people -- with their knack for negativity and gossip -- can throw a monkey wrench into our days.  But what if we leveraged that toxicity to our benefit? How, you ask? There's a myriad of ways to do this. Among them are these:  1. When they say you can't accomplish something, do you let their words derail your hopes and dreams? No, you use them to further  fuel your motivation to accomplish your goals. After all, who are they to judge? 2. When they criticize you for your style of dress, interests, or any other facet of your personality, do you scramble to change? No, you double down on preserving what makes you unique, which in turn will build self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. 2. When they disrespect you, whether by spewing outright lies or demeaning your character, do you turn around and do the same to them? No, you're better than that. You stand up for yourself, firmly if civilly, without hurling insults. This will equip you with th...

Though they sound similar enough, being desired and being needed aren't one and the same.  Here are a few examples that convey desire: "I love it when you wear that outfit." "Going to the beach is always more fun when you join me." "I wish you were here cuddling with me and keeping me warm." Your charm and intellect drive me crazy." Now, let's look at a couple of examples that hint at needing someone: "My life stinks when you're not here."  "I don't feel whole unless you're around." "I need you to lift me up." "I can always count on you to fix my problems." Sidenote: By "needing" someone, I'm not talking about, say, having them help you walk or give you food after a major surgery. I mean it more generally, in the context of a person's emotional well-being.  So, going back to the bullet points outlined above, what do you notice distinguishes one set from the other? The first ...

The dictionary defines a control freak as "a person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control over themselves and others and to take command of any situation." Whether at work or in our own love life, we've all encountered someone who fits this description to a tee. Maybe it's the surly supervisor who puts her nose in even the most minute things, like how many Post-It Notes the department is going through weekly.  Then there's the controlling partner who has to know where you are at all hours of the day.  The common thread here is that these individuals:  Treat you as if you were a child Seem suspicious of your every move Are possessive Are insecure  Make you feel as though you can't be trusted  So why are these folks this difficult? Yes, it could be that it's in their nature, where their need for self-control spills into their relationships. But more often than not, someone in their past caused them to be this way, whether it was an employee they ca...

Now that the holidays are here, everyone's first order of business outside of work is to buy their loved ones presents. In some people's minds, the bigger and more expensive the item, the better.  But let's face it: Even though we have good intentions, love -- at the end of the day -- isn't measured in gifts. It's measured in the little things we do every day (not just during Christmas) to show people we love them, such as  Surprising them with a hot cup of coffee on a frigid morning Creating a scrapbook with pictures that capture special memories  Sending texts throughout the day just to let the other know they are thinking of them Taking them to a museum to see a popular exhibit he or she never experienced as a kid  Chatting poolside over coffee into the wee hours  Cooking his or her favorite meal on any ordinary day -- as a way of saying "you're special and deserve this" True love is priceless - it cannot be quantified. If a man can't afford to ...

When someone tells you they're not ready or interested in a relationship right now, what should you do? Should you take them at their word? Should you still make an effort to change their mind? The answer should be obvious: Do not commit to someone who isn't inclined to commit to you. You don't want to invest time, energy, and feelings in someone who just wants a no-strings-attached kind of deal. If that's what you desire as well, fine. But if you're past the casual flings and yearn for something more substantive, you shouldn't bother with these folks.  You should consider yourself fortunate if the person tells you upfront that they're not interested in something serious. That affords you the opportunity to move on and look for someone whose plans align with yours. In some cases, people will feign interest in a long-term commitment just to get into the other person's bed or wallet. Everything seems kosher until subjects like meeting one another's par...

Contrary to popular opinion, walking away doesn't signal weakness on your part. It doesn't mean you're quitting on the relationship.  The truth of the matter is that we often walk away when we perceive the other person as having lost interest and given up. When you've exhausted all options -- from having frank conversations to trying to vivify the relationship by trying out new things to suggesting counseling -- you yourself are left so emotionally drained that you have nothing else left to give.  Failed relationships are usually the product of only one partner (or, in the worst cases, neither) investing time and energy in the other person. This can be challenging for some people because you have to be very intentional about it -- carving out time for your partner, coming up with ways to infuse life into the relationship, and so on. But most people use work, the kids, and other items on their To Do List as reasons for not being on the ball.  If your conscience tells you...