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Don't let people's BS get you down

We come across difficult people everywhere -- at work, at family gatherings, and even while driving. No matter how nice you are and how diplomatic you aim to be, there will always be someone bent on raining on your parade, especially if they sense you're generally in a happy mood. Don't pay such individuals any mind. Think of it this way: Why allow someone who doesn't pay your bills, isn't there for you in tough times, and doesn't put you on their priority list exert so much control over your emotions? There are those people over which it makes complete sense to worry -- our parents, our kids, and the like. But letting that surly driver who cut you off on the way home or the obnoxious cashier at the grocery store ruin your day does nothing but empower them. Don't harp on the incident -- just let it go. Distract your mind by listening to music, watching a movie, throwing yourself into your work, taking a nap, playing with your child, or doing anyt...

People mistakenly rely on THIS to feel whole

When you read the title, perhaps you thought I was going to touch upon depending on other people to feel complete -- as I have in prior posts. While many people do fall into that unfortunate habit, this post focuses on the tendency to rely on a job to attain happiness. There's no question that being gainfully employed beats unemployment. Even if our jobs may be far from perfect -- and let's face it, no job is -- they still provide structure in our lives, they make us feel useful, and they allow us to feel the sense of pride that comes with earning a living to provide for our families. However, society and the media are to blame for peddling the notion that, much like a soulmate, a job should complete us. Should we try to get into a line of work we enjoy? Absolutely! You'll quickly come to hate life if you spend 40+ hours a week doing something you absolutely despise. But here's the thing: There are way too many factors outside of one's control in the...

Excuses (not reasons) people give for cheating

A study published just this year reveals many of the motives people give for cheating on their partner. And though they may claim that they were justified in their decision to do so, nothing they can see can give them a free pass because cheating is wrong in every sense of the word. 1. Falling out of love: Over three quarters (77%) of participants indicated that a lack of love for their partner and/or greater love for someone else prompted them to stray. 2. Seeking variety: Nearly 75% of respondents cited boredom in their relationship as a factor that drove them to cheat. More men tied variety-seeking to their infidelity than did women. 3. Feeling neglected: Participants (70%) revealed that their partner's lack of attention ultimately led to their wandering eye. This reason was offered by more women than men. 4.  Situational factors: Roughly 70% of participants said their infidelity wasn't necessary premeditated and/or carried out due to discontent in the relationsh...

The key pros and cons of online dating

Chances are, you or someone you know has dipped their toes in the realm of online dating. For every story of an offline meeting that culminates in a fairy tale story wedding, there is an awful experience that the people in question would be happy to forget. The biggest plus of online dating, as I see it, is that you know exactly what romantic prospects are looking for. You can filter search results so that only those who, say, are single, interested in a romantic relationship, and don't drink come up. This not only saves a lot of time, but it removes a lot of the guesswork involved in determining whether someone makes a good match. When you approach someone at a bar, however, you don't really know whether they're married and just there to get their mind off of work. Not to mention some people become visibly annoyed when they sense they're being watched or courted -- whether it's because they're having a bad day, the time and place aren't right,...

When someone feels no shame cheating

When someone feels no remorse over cheating on their partner, it only means they never cared for them in the first place. Think about the world of hurt that revelations of infidelity can put the victim in. It's like taking a knife and stabbing the person right in the heart. Studies have shown that emotional pain can be just as damaging -- if not more so -- than physical pain. And when one experiences this form of betrayal, it can feel as though their world has come crashing down. Imagine investing your time, effort, and emotions in someone who chose to throw it all away in an act (or several) of pure selfishness. The least they could do is fess up and allow their partner to find someone who will actually value their loyalty. Unfortunately, it's very hard to discern early into the relationship whether your partner is prone to cheating, or will slip at some point. (It isn't as if you're going to put out feelers by asking his friends or relatives whether he...

Forgive yourself for past mistakes

So you've made mistakes in the past you're not entirely proud of. Maybe you cheated on a wonderful woman that you envisioned yourself marrying someday. Perhaps you passed on what seemed life a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity. Or maybe you told a good friend something you knew you couldn't take back once the words came out of your mouth, effectively ending that friendship. We've all had moments we wish we could redo, but the fact of the matter is that life doesn't afford us the opportunity to travel back in time. As hard as it may be, you must accept the fact that it is all behind you now. The past cannot be changed. All you can do is move forward. Beating yourself up over what you did won't do you any good. If anything, it only makes it more difficult to crawl out of his hole, mentally and emotionally. The key is that you learned a valuable lesson and can assure yourself moving forward that you won't make the same mistake again. Because, i...

A tip for handling uncertainty and tough times

Many of us would say that we loathe uncertainty. If it were up to us, every day would play out like a familiar script. But there comes a time where we have no choice but to venture into unchartered waters -- whether it concerns landing a new job; grappling with a new health condition; or making a large purchase, such as a new home. Stress is inevitable. You're likely to second guess your decisions. And, worst of all, you're bound to start down the slippery slope of imagining the absolute worst. If these feelings aren't reined in, they can lead to adverse outcomes like anxiety and depression. While some might advise you to simply think positively, I think a far more effective approach is to hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  Think about it: What are the chances of the worst coming to pass? Very slim, of course. Usually we end up dreaming up scenarios in our head that come nowhere near reality. Still, there is always a slight possibility that the job ...

Well done is better than well said

"Well done is better than well said" is a popular axiom you may have heard before. Can you guess who came up with it? (Hint: He appears in the image featured in this post.) Well, it is attributed to none other than Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790). To say this Founding Father of the United States had an impressive is an understatement. He was a printer, author, political theorist, postmaster, diplomat, inventor, scientist, humorist, civic activist, statesman, among other things. Essentially, what Franklin is saying that, while words are nice, one's actions ultimately carry far more meaning. Put simply, actions speak louder than words. And we all know from experience that while many people can talk the talk, not everyone can walk the walk. Maybe you were once in a relationship with someone who claimed he cared about you, but never invested the time and energy you did. Or perhaps you had a friend who never seemed to be there when you needed her most, even tho...

Why others impose their views on us

Do people try to make you feel guilty or foolish for wanting to do something that you know will make you happy in the long run, but that they perceive as wrong because it isn't something they'd do themselves? At the end of the day, it's your life! Whether you decide to date someone your friends may not be particularly keen on, venture into a field that does not square with what your parents envisioned, or nurture a hobby your co-workers may deem utterly dull, nobody's opinion should take precedence over your own gut instincts. Yes, the people near and dear to us may make well-meaning suggestions. But if they really think they know us better -- our passions, desires, goals -- than we know ourselves, they're flat-out fooling themselves. Let's face it: Sometimes going down a different path than others brings out their insecurities. People want you to think and act in ways that validate their own decisions. So when you do something that strikes them as...