How to Read People

There are varied and various ways that toxic individuals may try their best to mentally and emotionally overpower you.  This doesn't mean they all employ every single one of these techniques. But it's important to know what kinds of tools these deceitful folks keep in their arsenal so that you're ready to fight back.   1. They try turning you into them.  Misery loves company, and because toxic folks aren't happy with their own lives, they want that misery to rub off on others. And there's no greater satisfaction for them than to hold a firm grip over your emotions. If they know they've gotten the best of you and ruined your day, they know their ploy worked. 2. They use the carrot-and-stick approach . Toxic people love to combine a promised reward with a threat to take something away from you. For example, your boss tells you that a raise hinges on your working Saturdays and Sundays, and that should you opt not to come in on those days, you'll lose your job. ...

Many of my readers have maintained that a key reason they're afraid to jump into a new relationship is because of the disastrous, toxic one they've only just escaped. Fair enough. And you deserve time to grieve the end of the relationship, for even though your life is sure to improve for the better, getting used to not having him or her in your life (especially if you'd been with them for many years) is an adjustment that doesn't happen overnight.  However, I do take issue with people, once ready to get back in the relationship saddle, turning down great opportunities, because, well, their ex John or Beth was a nightmare and this new potential partner may be just the same. Only by giving people a chance do you give yourself the opportunity to move on.  I understand feeling vulnerable and wanting to erect something of an emotional wall at first to protect your feelings.  But you can't allow the ghost of your ex to haunt you forever.  For all you know, this person wil...

Though some people may be struggling to pay pills amid a recession sparked by a global pandemic, it doesn't mean those in a stronger financial position (or not) won't be running up their credit cards and breaking their piggy banks -- whether online or at the mall. And, ironically, it's all in the name of scoring holiday deals.  Here's what many shoppers fail to realize: Sales are just ploys to get us to buy stuff we may not necessarily want or need.  We go into a store intending to buy or two things and end up coming out with well over five.  We set a maximum holiday budget, but end up blowing right through it as we aim to take advantage of as many "bargains" as we possibly can. Now, that's not to say we shouldn't seize a good deal for stuff that we use regularly. But if you know it's an item you'll stuff in a drawer or closet -- one you might not even remember you have in six months' time -- you should pass on it. Here are four valuable ho...

Your toxic boss treats you with visible disdain, but you can't quite put your finger on why given you're a hard-working, dedicated employee. The end to the honeymoon phase of your relationship has ushered in a transformed boyfriend of yours who suddenly seems to take you for granted. Dissatisfied with his own life, your friend tries to project onto you the misery he's experiencing, constantly lashing out and accusing you of wrongdoing. For far too many of us, a common thread runs through each of these scenarios: Not knowing what to do and afraid of losing our job or jeoparding the relationship, we just bite the bullet and press on.  But we can't live in constant fear. We cannot allow other people to run over us like an 18-wheeler does a plastic bottle.  You can stand up for yourself in a civil, if firm, manner, sans name-calling and expletives. Even if you sense some hostility building up on the other end, do not gift them the satisfaction of seeing you brought to their...

'Tis the season to be jolly... except if it is 2020, of course. Thanks to the global pandemic, we have all had to navigate through an unprecedented year.  Layoffs/reduced hours at work, business closures, getting used to wearing masks, keeping our distance even from loved ones, lockdowns, curfews, schools going virtual, a bitter presidential campaign, and the list goes on. But many introverts would admit they have at least one thing to celebrate: Finally having a valid excuse not to attend large holiday gatherings. The Christmas party at the office. The noisy family get-together consisting mostly of distant relatives you see only once a year. It isn't so much that introverts hate holiday events; it's that they find the shindigs to drag on a bit too long -- not to mention they walk away feeling energy depleted. You see, heavy social interaction wears an introvert out. If they can't make for the exits early, they stake out the nearest quiet spot where they can refuel -- b...