How to Read People

While life isn't perfect, it is definitely what we make of it . Stop for a second and think about what that really means. How do we really make the most of our lives? Simply put, we recognize that although things won't always go our way, we refuse to let bumps in the road stop us from reaching our ultimate destination: happiness. People will disappoint us (and often such people will include ourselves). Crappy days at work are a certainty. We may run into financial and health problems here and there. And we're likely to see a venture or two fall through (e.g., launching a new business doesn't work out). But life isn't about what happens to you. It's what you do with what happens to you. In other words, we may not be able to control unfolding events, but we can control how we respond to them. Do you allow setbacks to knock you off course? Or do you use them as catalysts for achieving your goals? Do you let one obnoxious person ruin your day? Or do ...

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Similarly, happiness means different things to different people. Joe's ideas of happiness may be earning 200K a year because it provides him the means to afford his big mansion and fancy cars -- even if it comes at the expense of having to work long 60 hour weeks. Ana's version of happiness may be far more modest. Give her a small apartment filled with books and pets and she's in bliss. Sam, for his part, might find happiness in moving to a different city every other year, while Betty might take delight in being a stay-at-home mom. Different strokes for different folks. Judging others for their likes and lifestyles is no less inappropriate than passing judgment on, say, their physical appearance. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yes, but that doesn't grant them the latitude to criticize others' choices just because they don't align with theirs. I may aspire to become a manager, but you mi...

Irish novelist James Joyce once said, "Mistakes are portals of discovery." And if you stop and think about it, he was absolutely right. We wouldn't have learned some of our most valuable life lessons had we not messed up in the past. Those missteps actually enabled us to grow and acquire wisdom we can in turn pass on to our kids, friends, and other loved ones. Sure, we might be ashamed of our mistakes and wish we could have a few do-overs. But one important thing to remember is that no one is perfect. We all make them and have to deal with the consequences thereafter. Harping on our mistakes isn't healthy.  At some point, we must recognize -- and accept -- that the past is behind us, and there's nothing we can do to change it. Rather than carry our mistakes around with us, we should place them under our feet and use them as stepping stones to bettering ourselves. Whether we got into a car accident while driving around tipsy, took a wonderful partner ...

Sometimes you need to give up on people -- not because you don't care, but because they don't. Let's say you and your friend have drifted from each other over time. You assume (or hope) he or she has noticed it as well and you resolve to get things running smoothly again. If, after some time, you've done all you can to jolt some life into the relationship -- whether by inviting the person to dinner, texting them to wish their kid a Happy Birthday, or dropping by to help clean out their garage -- and they still show no interest, it could be because of the following: 1. They're expecting you to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship. 2. They don't value you like you do them. 3. They're going through something they may not wish to talk about. The only one of the three that is a valid excuse is #3, though they should at least tell you that much and not leave you hanging. We should all respect others' need for space, but unless we're...

If you had a choice between two deep, meaningful relationships and 15 superficial ones, which would you choose? (I hope you find this to be a no brainer.) We live in a time when amassing as many Facebook friends and Twitter followers as you can is celebrated, even if many of those people are friends of friends of friends whom you've never spoken to in your life. Our time and energy are not limitless. We ought to reserve them for the few people who enrich our lives -- not for those who couldn't remember our names or where they met us if their lives depended on it. I find that it's a good thing when your circle decreases in size, for it means that it's increasing in value because only the people who truly care remain. Can you imagine how many relationships have gone down the tubes because people stretched themselves thin trying to accommodate countless acquaintances whom, in the end, weren't worth it? When we stop and think about it, hardly any of those ...