How to Read People

Ever heard the expression, " Familiarity breeds contempt "? I think it perfectly encapsulates how many of us feel when forced to be around the same people each and every day. Don't get me wrong. There are still some kind, generous people out there whom we'd have no problem seeing daily if we had to. Those of us who work full-time, though, have to spend an awful lot of hours -- 40 or more -- in the presence of people we may not particularly like, from high-strung bosses to drama queens and attention hounds. The main reason why people leave their jobs is because they don't see eye to eye with someone in their company, usually their supervisor. As we well know, people in the workplace can be quiet vicious. Some will stab you in the back just to get ahead. Others will ask you personal things they have no business knowing, as I emphasized in my post yesterday -- ANNOYING: The nosiest questions people can ask . Still others might just be so different than you -- w...

Taking back a cheating spouse or partner is a recipe for utter disaster. I'm not saying you can't forgive the person. I'm all for remaining friends, too, provided the person who was cheated on feels comfortable with it. But cheating represents such a flagrant breach of trust that the person shouldn't get a second shot at anything more than friendship, although infidelity precludes that possibility as well in most cases -- and rightfully so. If you do your very best to remain faithful, why can't your partner do the same? What makes you think he or she won't do it again? Many of us get the opportunity to cheat on our partner with an attractive friend, coworker, or acquaintance who makes an obvious pass at us. But we thwart the person's advances out of a deep level of loyalty to the person we love. The risk of throwing everything down the drain for a night of lusty fun just isn't worth it. Not only will you be wracked with guilt later on, but ot...

We've all had people -- whether they be friends, neighbors, co-workers, or acquaintances -- ask us downright nosy questions that border on inappropriate. Here's a sampling of questions that might make you flinch: How much money do you make? How much money do you have saved up? How much did you pay for your home? At what age did you lose your virginity? Do you and your spouse/partner have a healthy sex life? Do you and your spouse/partner fight a lot? When are you going to have kids? (I addressed this one in a post this morning -- Are parents envious of the childfree? ) What health issues do you have? These are the kinds of questions I'd expect a shrink to ask of me, not Joe in accounting or the old lady who lives two houses down.  The worst offenders are the people who pry into your personal life, yet fail to divulge such details about their own lives.  If you ever run into a person like this, don't be afraid to politely change the subject. Or, j...

Many childfree individuals like myself get asked repeatedly when it is that we plan to have children. The pressure is even more pronounced for women, who society expects to kick into baby-making mode as soon as the so-called clock begins to tick. What doesn't add up, though, is that many of the parents asking the question are the same ones who complain about the stress and headaches brought on by parenting. They're endorsing the very thing that's making them go haywire. It's like being miserable at work as an accountant and encouraging others to follow the same career path. As hard and stressful as it may be, having kids is the norm in most people's eyes. It's just "what you do," and if one decides not to have children, people assume sterility is to blame or that something else is wrong.  It's unfair to say that all parents are envious of the childfree, but it's certainly likely that a few of them are. After all, the childfree hav...

One of the surest ways to get hurt by other people is by getting emotional over every little thing they say and do . But you should never do this! I realize that human beings have feelings and emotions that they can't simply trap in a bottle. However, you can prevent getting hurt by approaching things in a more rational manner. When you feel deeply affected by someone's words or actions, stop and ask yourself the following: Why has what this individual said or done affected me so much? Is it really worth letting this individual change my mood? In what ways can I prevent myself from investing my emotions in this person? Far too often, we let other people have their way with our emotions. Luckily, there's a way to prevent such a scenario, and that's by taking a more rational stance as I've suggested above.  Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a recipe for heartbreak. If you must express your emotions, try to do in private if at all possible. The rea...