Skip to main content

Is obsessing over someone a bad thing?

In a word, yes. And I'll tell you why.

Obsessing over someone -- whether it's a new date or long-term partner -- denotes one thing: You probably wouldn't be completely happy without that person in your life. And that's a mistake.

Remember, your significant other doesn't complete your life. You complete it all on your own.

Instead, that person should serve to enhance your life. Their skills, interests, hobbies, values, and beliefs don't always have to fall in line with yours, but they should most certainly complement them. He or she should be your biggest ally, encouraging you to shoot for even your loftiest dreams.

But there's a marked difference between being someone's pillar of support and suffocating them entirely.

If you're overly possessive -- trying to control your partner's every move -- let's just say that the relationship is headed down the tubes. Even though you're in a relationship, you are both still two separate people.

Just because you love and enjoy being around one another doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip. You need to give each other space; allow one another to miss each other so that you can more eagerly look forward to your next meeting and have more to talk about.

Most people would agree that a controlling and domineering partner is not long-term-relationship material. It's a total turnoff to receive continuous texts and calls from the person, let alone having them dictate your schedule.

Ironically, we're more drawn to others when they show they're comfortable in their own skin and have several things going for them that don't involve us. This is what makes us want to join them for the ride.

In short, show the other person you care, but don't send them running for the hills by trying to rule their lives. Being standoffish and flaky can wreck a relationship, but so too can being a control freak.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it?  After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

An important note to women about men and attraction

I was raised by my mom, grandma, and two older sisters.  Growing up, never did I ever take any interest in the girls at school who tended toward exposing more skin. I always treated them as I would my female family members -- with the utmost courtesy and respect.  And anytime I suspected that a male friend or acquaintance of mine adopted a hump-and-dump attitude toward women, I nixed them from my life. I held men who treated women as objects in very low regard, and still do to this day. If women feel empowered to show off their bodies because they love and work hard on their physique, more power to them. In other words, if they're doing it to please THEMSELVES and no one else, good for them.  However, those who do it specifically to curry men's favor are making a big mistake. It sends the wrong signals and actually makes it less likely that a man will want to stick around for a committed relationship (if that's what you want as anyway).  Granted, if you're not lookin...